My Grandma is Crazy!

Do any of you have a relative that makes you consider the question…*Could I actually murder another human being?*

The Rundown on Nana

When I tell stories about my grandmother to others, I usually get met with looks of disbelief.

Some people have a way of making you seem like the crazy one for not loving their “quirks”.

But these quirks make you want to pull your hair out or leave them on the side of the road.

I run into this issue when I spend any amount of time with Nana.

The Deceptive Cuteness

It’s easy to get pulled into the big smile. The funny accent. The sweet words. The 98lb barely 5 foot demeanor of her.

She is adorable and tells you amazing things and focuses all of her attention on you when you talk.

It’s charming. — — — — — -> Until it isn’t.

The Script Get Flipped. (And then flipped again and again.)

Speaking to a master manipulator is like being put into a blender.

You don’t know which ends of the conversation you’re having or how you got there. And before you know it you are left feeling stunned and angry and yet somehow feeling bad for her and wanting to help.

It’s a confusing state to be in.

Eventually you learn to expect every word to be either a lie or intended to manipulate you somehow. But you never expect it to be sincere.

A Few Stories To Get The Drift

Story 1.

During almost any conversation you will get insulted. Then immediately will be given cash. But then shamed for it.

Just last week at a restaurant, I was told I was not smart. Weighed too much. Don’t know anything about anything on the planet. And I don’t call enough so I don’t love her as much as she loves me.

But then she literally tossed $300 at me during dinner and told me I was special and deserved to buy something nice.

And after I picked up the money from the table she said, “See how much I do for you. I wish you would do for me sometime.”

It is the cycle: Insult-cash-insult

I used to say stop and try to give it back. But that goes worse than accepting it. So I went out to a nice hike the next day as self care and bought a souvenir at a gift shop with some of that money. It was very much needed.

Story 2.

I took her to a wake at a local funeral home so she could say goodbye to a long time friend. Instead of just seeing her friend, she went around to every single room there so she could touch dead people!

I came out from a trip to the bathroom and couldn’t find her. I did find her eventually…at a strangers wake.

There was no stopping her.

She would touch their hair, or their arms or faces. And say goodbye to them as if she knew them. It was weird and creepy and I got her out of there as fast as I could. Mainly because she would try to talk to the family members there and I felt like she was already being so disrespectful I couldn’t stand the thought of her lying to strangers at such a difficult time.

Story 3.

My youngest son was 9 years old at the time and I told him to take a shower before bedtime. Something he does on his own and had for years. It’s a simple shower.

Nana was not having that because apparently 9 year old's are too dumb to take showers without drowning.

Her actual words were, “Honey!!! You are too stupid for water! People drown every day in the bathtub!”

I couldn’t help but look at her like she was insane.

I had to stay in the bathroom with him and lock the door and block it with a chair to keep her from pushing it open and reaching into the shower to turn the water off.

I know this because until I did that she did that to him twice until I realized what she was doing when I heard him screaming for me from across the house.

My children have never been back to her home since. That was just one of the things she did during the two day trip that went far beyond the line of appropriate.

The Dilemma (what would you do?)

I am the only grandchild that is speaking to her at the moment.

And even that is barely.

I feel the obligation to maintain some sort of contact because she has pushed every single other family member away.

But it is draining.

I know obligation is not the reason to continue. My rational brain tells me to jump ship and save myself. My emotional brain says another thing. They aren’t in cahoots.

How do you continue being helpful to someone that doesn’t appreciate it and even punishes you for it? How do you leave your elderly grandmother alone in this world?

I haven’t cut off contact because I would feel like a bad person to do so.

If she was young and healthy I wouldn’t feel this way. But she isn’t.

This is the dilemma.

Is it against my ethics? Can I live with it?

What would you decide?