HUMOR

My Girlfriend Murdered Ms. Rose on Valentine’s Day

A story of love, murder, and the circle of life

Ah, Valentine’s Day

Love is in the air. Chocolate is in our bellies. And our social media feeds are flooded with messages of love and how it’s ok to be alone.

It is truly a great day to show someone how much you love them, sit back and laugh at the world’s gullibility, or best of all, indulge in a spot of murder.

I must confess. What you are about to read may seem unbelievable and may contain content inappropriate for children. If you have a fear of violence, brutality, or the color red, I advise caution before continuing.

A rude awakening

It was a dark and gloomy Sunday. The alarm was on snooze, the bed was warm and I was fast asleep — dreaming of a girl who lived an ocean away. I dreamed of her eyes, her smile, and the way she kissed me. I was lost in a land of lust when I felt her nibble my ear. Kinky.

It started soft, like a gentle buzzing bee. It sent shivers down my spine. Slowly it became louder, like a rumbling stomach wanting chocolate delights. And then it roared like thunder and my eyes shot open to see her face staring back at me. Unfortunately, it was through a crystal screen next to a blinking green logo recently drowned in controversy.

I yawned and took the phone in my hand — still half asleep. I scratched my head, blinked trice, and answered her video call.

“Good morning baby,” I yawned, dragging out the last word to a high key.

“Good morning Mooshu, I want to show you something,” I heard her angelic voice flutter down to my heart from the speaker.

“Oh, what might that be?” I asked innocently, trying to hide the primal urge shimmering in my eyes.

“Look at what I did to Ms. Rose.”

“Oh my god! How could you?”

A girl named Ms. Rose

I first met Ms. Rose a week prior to the incident. My girlfriend had met her through a fundraising event at university. Ms. Rose was an innocent, pretty young lady who had been cut off from her family and was looking for a place to stay. My girlfriend being the sweet kind-hearted angel she was, wanted to help her out and they became roommates.

Ms. Rose was the silent type and didn’t open up to many people. Her beauty on the other hand was the muse of many poets.

She loved the color red and wore it morning, noon, and night. Red hair, red lipstick, and a red velvet dress. The only thing that broke up the monotony was the green stockings she always wore to cover up her legs.

“They are a keepsake from home,” she once told me, “They remind me of my roots.”

She was a sweetheart, sharing her beauty with the world without boasting about it. She wasn’t afraid either and didn’t hesitate to sting someone if they didn’t treat her right. She also had a slight drinking problem and sometimes fell asleep nursing a bottle of wine.

I enjoyed my time talking with her and so did my girlfriend. They took selfies together, shared each other’s posts on social media, and even talked to each other long into the night. They had a budding friendship that would one day blossom into a life long relationship.

But it was not to be.

On February 14th, 2021, the unthinkable happened. I saw a crime committed by my lover. I even heard her gleeful confession.

“Look at what I did to Ms. Rose.”

The scene of the crime

It was horrific. The scene was painted crimson by an artist tutored by the grim reaper. My mind couldn't focus, jumping from petal to petal, trying to stitch this tattered terror. I saw the red, the green, and then put it all together. It made my stomach twist and brought up yesterday's dinner. Ms. Rose had been deflowered, torn to pieces, and scattered over innocent bystanders.

I stared in disbelief and felt dread wash over me. I was speechless. How could she have done this to Ms. Rose?! What could have happened?!

A million questions raced through my mind, each one more dreadful than the next.

Was it jealousy that exploded into a crime of passion?

Was it a catfight that turned into a catastrophe?

Or, did my girlfriend find out Ms. Rose was hitting on me?

My thoughts turned to the girl I called my lover. She was happy, proud of her chaotic creation. If she could do this to someone as sweet as Ms. Rose, then what would happen to me?

What did this mean for my future?

At times of great peril, brave men stand up for what they believe in. I believed in justice. I believed that no crime should go unpunished. But most of all, I believed in self-preservation. So I smiled the happiest smile I could muster and started to dial 911 on the phone while minimizing the video screen.

The truth

“Why did you get so quiet?” she asked, tilting her head at my clearly genuine smile.

“Oh, nothing-nothing,” I stammered, desperately trying to open the phone dial pad without looking too suspicious. “I, um, well, that’s very nice art you created. Uh, what made you do it?”

“Well, Ms. Rose had withered last night. So I gave her one last beautiful goodbye.”

“Wait, what?”

“Fresh roses don’t last long and soon they wither and fade. So I thought of giving her one last chance to be beautiful. Plus, when the petals decay they’ll give nutrients for the other plants to grow.”

“Oh, so you aren’t a psychopath, killing mindlessly for pure self-indulgence brought on by a manic episode of psychosis?” I muttered under my breath, discreetly canceling the 911 call.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Nothing-nothing. It looks so pretty. And guess what?! Today’s Valentine's Day. Got any plans?”

And so the conversation slowly shifted back to the usual, the mundane, the regular chitter-chatter couples have on Valentine’s Day. The murder was not murder, my girlfriend was innocent, and Ms. Rose was beautiful for one last day.

Final thoughts

I hope you enjoyed this exaggerated story about a small incident that happened on the morning of Valentine's Day. I was genuinely surprised when my girlfriend showed me the rose petals and I kind of annoyed her about it. This story is an extension of that annoyance. But ultimately, it surprises me how I jump to conclusions and crazy conspiracies before getting all the facts in hand.

Maybe this story will help us all take a second look and dig a little deeper into what we see before making up our minds and making horrible mistakes. Or maybe you found this story a bit too silly. Either way, thank you for your time and I hope it at least puts a small smile on your face.

Oh, if my girlfriend reads this out of the blue, I love you, honey bunny. Got any murders planned for next Valentine’s Day?

Thank you for reading and have a great day!