Summary

The article reflects on the tragic and mysterious death of the author's long-time friend, whose body was found decomposed to the point of being unidentifiable alongside her husband with severe dementia, leading to many unanswered questions and a profound sense of loss and horror.

Abstract

The author grapples with the shocking news of their friend's death, which was discovered when her husband, who was thought to be dead, was found alive with severe dementia. The friend's body was so decomposed that DNA testing was required for identification, suggesting she might have been dead for months without anyone's knowledge. The author recounts the bond they shared since 1989, the limited contact after moving away in 2002, and the disbelief at her friend's lonely and horrific end. The narrative unfolds with the eerie similarities to the movie "Psycho," the husband's potential role in her death, and the haunting possibility that she may have been suffering alone. The author ponders the importance of checking in on friends, the complexities of life getting in the way, and the sorrowful realization that they could not be there for their friend in her final moments.

Opinions

The author expresses a deep sense of horror at the thought of their friend's body being unidentifiable and decomposed.
There is a feeling of guilt and regret for not being able to be there for their friend, possibly during a time when she might have needed help the most.
The author suggests that life's busyness should not prevent us from checking on friends more frequently, implying a collective responsibility to look out for each other.
The situation prompts the author to reflect on the fragility of life and the importance of being present for loved ones, as well as the potential for tragic outcomes if connections are neglected.
The author hints at a possible suspicion towards the husband, comparing him to Norman Bates from "Psycho," and questioning whether he could have been involved in her death.

DEATH | FRIENDSHIP | TRAGEDY

My Friend’s Death Has Taken on a New Level of Horror

A sad end to a life

It had been bad enough this past week thinking of my long-time friend naked and alone waiting to be claimed in a coroner’s fridge.

We’d known each other since 1989. But since 2002, when I moved away from the area, we no longer had that ability to get together as frequently as we had.

Last week, a Facebook post by her childhood friend announced her unexpected death.

The following day, I had a conversation on the phone with one of her longtime friends to gather more information about what happened.

“A story”, and that’s what her friend said to me, “A story is all we have.”

According to the story, the handyman discovered our 70-year-old friend deceased in bed next to her 85-year-old husband, who had also been thought to be dead. But after they took him to the hospital, he revived. But has severe dementia and didn’t even know he had a wife.

They had no children. He has two children from a previous marriage, but none live nearby.

They suspected carbon monoxide poisoning. Though today we’ve learned there is much more to this story, and it's turning out as bizarre as the movie “Psycho.”

Her husband is more like Norman Bates.

I was just notified by her niece that her body is so far gone a visible identification is impossible. DNA from a relative must identify her.

My dear friend is in the morgue awaiting identification (ID). And here we’d all been waiting for her body to be claimed and thinking she was as we remember her — whole and not unidentifiable.

The last time my friend was active on Facebook was at the end of May. Does that mean she might have been dead for months and none of us had any idea?

As far as any of her friends and few relatives knew, she was healthy and doing okay. But she was bipolar and could have gone off her meds.

How long had her husband been that far in Alzheimer’s? Did he live there these last few months with her dead and decomposing body in bed?

It breaks my heart and saddens me so for such an end to such a dynamic, full-of-life woman.

So many questions remain unanswered.

It may take months before we have a positive ID. And we may never have answers to the cause of her death.

Did she kill herself? Die of natural causes? Did he kill her?

Maybe the lesson is never to assume our friends are doing okay. To have more frequent checks on people. But I know life gets busy. We can’t be responsible for everyone. And do we ever think something as terrible as this might happen?

I just don’t think this is how we want our last days of life to end up. Or the life of our friends.

May my dear friend rest in peace. May she know she was so loved by so many and that we are all so sorry we couldn’t have been there when she may have needed us most.

Barbara Carter Artist and writer with a focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and living her best authentic life.

Likes to take walks, read, watch TV dramas, and practice Qi-gong, and work on her memoir series BARBARA By The BAY.

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