My First Time Going Viral
Recently, I was lucky enough to be given the experience of going viral on social media. TikTok ended up being where it finally happened. I would be lying if I were to say that I’ve not been wanting this to happen for a long time. After going through all the feelings and emotions that came with going viral, I now see how this could cause obsessive behaviors. In the midst of it all, I was overcome with joy, had moments of anxiety, and in the end disappointed when I was unable to achieve that new high standard I set.
When I was making the Tik Tok that night I had a feeling that this would finally be the one that did it. I had shut the door, confusing my girlfriend as she overheard what sounded like me talking to myself. After finishing, I ran out to her in the kitchen to show her the video and said “I finally made the one that’s going to do it.”
Quickly after posting I noticed that my views were going up at a rate that they never had before. This is where the joy came in, as I got an overall feeling of achievement. As time went on, the likes, views, and comments started skyrocketing. I was refreshing the app every 10 seconds and was getting views at a rate of 500 each time. I started texting my brother and my friend in a group chat and letting them know every milestone that I hit. 10,000, 20,000, 30,000, 40,000, and on and on it went.
The obsession of seeing all of the likes and the number of views overtook my attention for anything else. Immediately I became a man of vanity. At the moment I knew that this was the feeling that I wanted to have at all times and I would do what it took to feel this way. It was as if I was using a hard-core drug for the first time the way I immediately got caught in the lust. It was a rush I have never felt before. Some days go by where my phone doesn’t get a single notification, and having to turn notifications off because of the high volume was a much better feeling. Like most people in these current times, I do like getting attention. Finally, I was important enough to get random people commenting and liking my videos.
As the views got into the hundreds of thousands, anxiety started to take over. I started doubting if I could do this again. I now had a new standard that I would not be able to live up to. How was I going to create this again? I started looking in at myself and found that my behaviors in this situation were quite bizarre. I already know that I have the power within me to give myself the attention in the love I need to feel good. Seeking it out from strangers and getting mad when it doesn’t happen is not a place I want to even start thinking about. A mental health disaster could get stirred up from disappointment at the lacking response to my content.
It’s scary how much power I allow myself to give to people and other things. It’s human nature to go after the things that make us feel fulfilled. For some it’s money, for others it’s sex, as well as drugs and the millions of other things out there. For myself, it’s all of those and more. Honestly, I’m just addicted to more, it doesn’t matter what it is, I just want more. Knowing this about myself through putting in a lot of work in my early 20s, I have the tools to get out of myself when I get stuck in my ego. As the saying goes your ego is not your amigo. Life is too short to participate in ego-inflating behaviors that could blind you to the beauty of life happening all around you. When only focusing on the response to my posts, I miss everything else, and the world outside of social media is a lot more relaxing and friendly.
Peace and Love,
Kevin Viani