My First Ever Trauma is Religion-Related
Disclaimer: This article is not against religion, at all. It is against a form of harassment related to it and performed by closed minded people unable to accept diversity.
To understand this story, a little background is needed. I come from Italy, in the south. The Catholic faith is largely spread, pervasive I would say.
My grandparents are, were, very catholic: mass every Sunday, sacraments etc…
My parents, as a result, grew up atheists. One thing I appreciate A LOT is their choice of not giving me and my siblings the Baptism, leaving us the right to choose our faith.
I spent my childhood in laic school (Italy is laic by Constitution) having to explain to ALL other children why I wasn’t attending the Religion lessons, why I didn’t receive sacraments or went to the church on Sunday.
Children can be mean and sometimes I was treated differently or teased. But that’s not my trauma. I was quite a strong-willed boy and chose carefully my friends.
My trauma was my Math teacher in primary school (age 6–10).
I was good in math, the best in my class and the teacher’s pet. The teacher was good, but very old style and acted as if we were in a catholic school, which it was not: he forced us to pray (yes, I know catholic prayers even if I’m not catholic) in the morning and before any snacks or lunch. Everything bad happening was “by devil’s temptation”, as well as anything good was “by Good God’s will”. Good grades also.
Needless to say that his attention was always drawn to me. He somehow protected me from mean, harmless children but managed to become my nightmare.
Every single day I was told how a good kid like me would end up in hell if I’d not get baptized. My soul would have been tortured by demons and devils and monstrosities until the end of the world when it would have died while my friends would have flown to heaven.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: the poor kid was traumatized by images of devilry tortures, hellish landscapes of fire and lava, endless suffering and…
No.
C’mon guys, I was a kid in the ’90s. I played video games, watched cartoons and animes. I was not afraid of images or imaginary threats.
I was annoyed by the same preaching repeating every day since I was 6.
Today, we would say I was being harassed.
One day, I was 10, without even planning for it I exhaustly replied:
— I’m going to get Baptized next Sunday.
Of course, it was not true, the idea never touched me for even a moment, despite the continuous harassment. I was just tired and spoke before thinking. After that, the day at school was like a party in my honour and I started liking it.
No pressure anymore.
It seemed like a good idea, who could ever find out?
Well. At the end of the lessons, my mother was waiting for me outside the school as usual. I will never forget that day, I learned a lot about people, about my teacher and my mother.
— How was your day?
— Normal, mom.
Then, we heard my teacher’s voice and the blood froze in my veins.
— Ma’am. A minute! I wanted to congratulate you! It was the best choice! The RIGHT choice! What time will be it? Which church? Here in town? I’m eager to be present in this glorious moment, I feel like I’m part of the reason…
He was smiling with happiness, with pride also. My mother was astonished.
— What do you mean, teacher?
— The baptism, finally! Daniele told me! I’m very proud of you!
What came later is not very clear in my memories, like I couldn’t even hear it in the first place. Everything sorted out quite calmly. My mother explained it was a misunderstanding and my teacher understood, and got away disappointed.
Fortunately, the harassment stopped and no retaliation followed.
I lied and put my mother in an embarrassing situation but decided to have a discussion with me rather than just punish me.
I explained what I was going through for years. She felt responsible, for not giving me the baptism and for making me feel different. I told her it was not important, I just felt exhausted by the pressure on me, exerted by an adult unable to let me leave in peace with a different mind and opinion, a different faith if any.
She understood and surprised me with no consequences for my behaviour.
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