My First 6 Weeks of Self Employment Were a Slap on My Face

The reality differed from what I dreamt

“I can't wait till I quit my job”, I’d tell myself every time something went down at work.

Have you ever experienced being on the receiving end of somebody else’s bad day? Think of the time when you were having a great day but somebody else wanted to share their load and shat all over it.

Harsh, I know.

Being a hardcore believer of the Law of Attraction, I visualised when I woke up and before I slept on how life would be once I become self-employed. I didn’t ask for much, just meaningful work and less unnecessary stress.

I visualised this for nearly 9 months and the dream finally came true. Except the reality was anything but a dream.

A face filled with stress acne and a visit from my old friend, anxiety, later, I finally snapped out of it after six weeks.

I sincerely hope you learn this technique sooner than me so the same doesn’t happen with you.

In July 2021, I became self-employed, and the coming six weeks were HELL. Last week was the first week I was mentally healthy. So, what went wrong?

Here’s a piece of common advice you hear when you transition from a 9–5 to self-employment, and it's — taking time off. Don’t jump deep into work and take time off to relax and rejuvenate so you can start afresh.

And that was my plan, except that my status on LinkedIn went viral with over a million views on July 02. What followed was creating a Calendly link because of the number of people who wanted to block time and speak to me regarding potential projects.

None of them worked out, and some people even took a lot of my ideas and got back to me saying they’ll have somebody in their team implement them. No thanks, nothing. This was the beginning of the darker side I didn’t yet know and the realisation to charge a consultation fee.

The coming 2 weeks were a roller coaster because of this. And you know the internet — the algorithm is directly proportional to your relevance.

How could I stop creating when there was so much traction coming in?

July was also my highest earning month on the platform where you’re reading, with one of my stories earning over four digits.

So naturally, I was super grateful for all this. I was so thankful for good things to be happening in my first month and wanted to grab all opportunities pouring in my way.

What I didn’t realise was the overwhelm taking place slyly.

I couldn’t stop working, I couldn’t take an hour off. I reluctantly put off my laptop on Sundays. And like all small things compound into something bigger, my anxiety came back.

I overthought all the things that would go wrong, about being broke, about being a nobody. My utterly positive mind started changing its road, and I knew something was wrong — because this was not me.

Here was the problem — I was mismanaged.

For the first time, I was the only person responsible for my time and I didn’t know how to optimise it. Before this, a huge part of our day is set by school, university, and jobs but this time, my entire day was mine alone.

The solution was super simple. I kid you not, you’d think of it as stupid.

My acne, which has been bursting on my face like teenager is beginning to calm down. I’m also breathing better. I’m working better, and I’m not overthinking as much.

What did I do differently?

I planned tasks for my day and didn’t take a step further than the planned tasks. No ‘one more article’ or ‘one more email’. Once I check all the boxes, the laptop closes.

Sounds too easy to be true, right?

Here’s the thing. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you’re all over the place. You’re suddenly in a new situation and you feel you want to get as much done as possible, so tomorrow is easier. This cycle repeats, so tomorrow never gets easier.

You try to do a little more today thinking you’re doing or planning better.

I used to read one book a week, but in the last 4 weeks, I’ve only finished one book! All because I was trying too hard to settle myself being self-employed that all I did was

• work
• worry about work

Lesson learnt: take one day at a time.

Now, each time I’m overthinking, I ask my self:

What's the worst that can happen?

The answer is one of the following:

- I’ll run out of my savings (this will take a while) - My business won’t work out - I won’t get a well-paying client - I’ll have to take a job

To be honest, none of them sound AS bad as my mind makes it.

I prepared well before quitting my job, and so should you. And if you’re in a similar place like me, ask yourself this question and you’ll see how much your mind cooks up stories that are far from reality.

“If you want to conquer overthinking, bring your mind to the present moment and reconnect it with the immediate world.” ― Amit Ray

Just like last week, I now hope to improve myself with each passing week. After all, I feel truly grateful that I don’t get anxious on Mondays.

During my corporate job, Mondays were so stressful because you’d think of the load for the entire week ahead!

I now spend at least two hours a day with my grandmother. It's an enormous change for her to live in our house after my grandfather passed away a few months ago, and I hope that gossiping about faraway family members takes her away from the loss for a while.

And last, I’m living the life I visualised and dreamt of for months. My mind completely screwed that up, but now it’s time to show my mind who the real boss is.

If you’re stuck how I was, I encourage you to prioritise your tasks and tell me how it goes for you!

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