My Female Darth Vader Taught Me So Much

Part 2 — Episodes IV to VI

In Part 1 I talked about how I crafted the story of Anneke and Padraig. I had planned to leave it after Anneke vowed revenge on her former master Obi Wan for taking her children away from her at the end of Episode III. However, that ending was so bleak I found myself eager to bring some light back to her world.

You see, I grew to love the character of Anneke that I had created out of pieces of Anakin Skywalker and bits of myself. I tend to gravitate toward writing male characters, but Anneke burrowed into my heart in a way I had not expected she could. I couldn’t leave her lost in the dark.

A Shadow in the Glass Episode IV: A Glimmer of Light

Episode IV is the beginning of Anneke’s children’s story. Lucia is a 16 year old girl growing up on Tatooine with her aunt and uncle, just like Luke in canon. I found a deleted scene in the script and began my story with Biggs Darklighter returning from the Imperial Academy. In my fic, Lucia has a hopeless crush on the older handsome Biggs, who calls her Skygirl, a reference to Ahsoka’s nickname for Anakin in the Clone Wars animated series.

Lucia’s twin brother, though neither of them know it, is Alaric Organa, Senator of Alderaan, and secretly a leader in the Rebellion. As before, I used BehindTheName.com to find names that felt right. Lucia was obvious: the feminine form of Lucius, it means “light” just like Luke does. It took me a lot longer to choose a name for male!Leia. Alaric means “ruler of all” which sounded right to me as he is a prince. And, though the names originate from different languages, somehow Padraig and Alaric sound akin to me. When I’m choosing a name for a character, the way it sounds is just as important as what it means.

While I only genderbent two of the characters in the prequels, I chose to include a third this time. Hanna Solo joins the story in chapter 5, the proud captain of the Millennium Falcon. And, as Anneke is now Darth Vader, this makes a total of four genderbent characters.

Tearing his gaze away from the shiny black droid, Alaric focused on his captor. Darth Vader — the Emperor’s enforcer and right hand — was famous, of course, famous for brutality, and Alaric’s heart pounded against the inside of his ribs as if trying to escape. He clenched his fists, trying to keep his breathing even.

A black-gloved hand waved the troopers back into the hall, and Vader closed the door upon them. Then Vader pushed the hood back, and Alaric’s mouth fell open. His breath caught in his throat.

Darth Vader was a woman.

I wrote female!Darth Vader as someone who hid her femininity under a heavy black cloak and hood in order to be taken seriously as the Emperor’s enforcer. As the Empire in canon has always been depicted as racist and sexist, I imagined she would have a harder time of it if she did not hide her gender from most people around her.

Although I began this story in an attempt to lighten the darkness at the end of the previous installment, this particular episode ends with the two people closest to Lucia, Ben Kenobi and Biggs Darklighter, dead.

A Shadow in the Glass: Deleted Scenes & Bonus Materials

In between writing chapters for the main story, I wrote bits and pieces from other points of view. While I had decided to use only the three mains as POV in this fic, I couldn’t resist exploring Anneke’s character further now that she was Vader. I also got into Obi Wan’s head, his thoughts and feelings throughout the main story. I published these shorts in a collection of deleted scenes and bonus materials.

Many of these scenes are from Obi Wan’s point of view and I wrote him full of love and compassion. Chosen or found family is also a common thread throughout.

He tried to tell himself that the figure who was now turning toward him, glowing blade in hand, was only another Sith, another enemy to defeat, but no matter what she had chosen, or what she had done, Anneke would always be his family. Even as she advanced upon him and he raised his own blade in defense, he loved her with every atom of his being.

A Shadow in the Glass Episode V: Shifting Shadows

Episode V follows Lucia, Alaric, and Hanna as they grow closer, becoming a family of sorts. I alternated between their POVs, examining each character in depth as I wrote.

Scenes between Hanna and Alaric especially fascinated me, since the original scenes were often so clearly gendered, and flipping the script was so interesting.

He closed his eyes, his fingers tightening on the lever. “Why do you have to be so difficult?”

“Come on.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Sometimes you think I’m all right.”

“Occasionally — ” The lever gave way, slamming his hand against the wall. “Ouch!” She reached out and freed his hand, then ran her fingers gently over his palm, sending shivers through his whole body. He swallowed hard. “What are you doing?” His voice was much shakier than he would have liked.

Her fingers stilled and she raised her eyes to his. “I’m checking for injuries. What are you afraid of?”

He met her eyes defiantly, trying to ignore the heat uncoiling within him. “I’m not afraid.”

Her lips curved up at the corners. “You’re trembling.”

“I am not.” But he was. He curled the fingers of his free hand into his palm to stop himself from reaching out to touch her.

Lando Calrissian appears in chapter 6 and, while I didn’t genderbend him, I wrote him openly and unapologetically bi/pan. He flirts outrageously with both Hanna and Alaric, and I imply there’s a history between him and Hanna.

At the end of this fic, I introduce a new character: The Emperor’s Hand, Markus Jaydra. Palpatine sends him to find Lucia and bring her back to him. For those who know the now apocryphal novels that followed the original movies, this is obviously male!Mara Jade. I tied this back to the previous episode by making Markus one of the Jedi younglings Anneke allowed to escape the Temple.

Writing this taught me a lot about gathering strands of plot and weaving them back into the fabric of the story. This is not something you have to do in short stories and flash fiction which is mostly what I had written prior to this. It is a skill I will need if I ever write a novel.

A Shadow in the Glass Episode VI: The Rising Dawn

Episode VI is where I really veer away from the source material plotwise. While this installment starts out where canon does, in Jabba’s court, I wove in scenes of Markus Jaydra hunting Lucia, and Anneke defying Emperor Palpatine to protect her children.

The final showdown between Lucia and Vader includes Markus mucking things up and Anneke desperate to protect her daughter. I really had to try hard to make the plot work here.

I created a whole new scene after Vader turns back to the light, where the ghosts of Obi Wan and Yoda congratulate Lucia on her victory over the dark side. In canon, Luke sees the ghosts but doesn’t speak to them. I needed something a little more to tie up the themes of the story.

Lifting his ghostly hands, Ben rested them on her shoulders. “I know it doesn’t feel like a victory, but you have achieved something thousands of Jedi for thousands of years thought was impossible.”

“Never tried did anyone.” Lucia turned her head to find Yoda standing beside Ben, his hands folded atop his stick. “Apologise to you I must,” he said. “Impossible I too thought it was. Underestimated you I did.”

Lucia shook her head. “I just — I had to try .”

Yoda nodded. “And told you not to I did. I am sorry. Wrong I was.”

Turning toward him, Lucia crouched to meet his eyes. “Ben just said that thousands of Jedi for thousands of years believed as you did. How could you have known any different?”

Lifting one ghostly hand, Yoda touched her cheek. “So kind you are. So very kind. Despite all you have been through, despite all the reasons you have to be angry, to hate. Still so bright your light shines.”

Emotion, yet peace

It has always bothered me that the Jedi forswear all emotion and attachment, even love. Watching Anakin’s fall to the dark side in the prequels, it is clear that this ban is what caused Darth Vader. Anakin was so full of love, but it was twisted — purposely by Palpatine, and unintentionally by the Jedi — into something ugly. And this was directly caused by the Jedi prohibition on love.

The Jedi Code as usually recited is as follows:

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

It sounds like a lofty ideal to reach for, but as I read it over again, I am struck by the coldness. No emotion, no passion, no love. And yet, Luke saved his father from the dark side with love.

A better version, in my opinion, is this one:

Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.

I end the last chapter of the last Episode of my massive Star Wars fic with this version of the Code. In my opinion, this Code allows for all that it is to be alive, to feel, to love. If the Jedi had followed this Code instead of the other, more strict one, perhaps Darth Vader would not have come to be.

A Shadow in the Glass

I learned so much from writing 97,327 words of the queerest straight relationships I’ve ever written. When I finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment I cannot describe. I still can hardly believe I did it.

I haven’t yet written a novel, but looking back on the experience I had writing A Shadow in the Glass, I believe that I could probably do it. I just need to create some original characters that I can love as much as I loved these ones.

Further reading:

Esther learned to read when she was four years old, and began writing shortly thereafter. She is a queer Christian poet, crafting with words to create art and music.

Enjoy my work? Buy me a coffee!