My Father’s Watch

Summary

The author reflects on the personal significance of his father's watch, a gold Omega Seamaster, and how it relates to his feelings of regret, love, and lessons learned from his father's conservative values and his own experiences with toxic management styles.

Abstract

In a poignant reflection, the author recounts how he came to possess a watch identical to his late father's, a gold Omega Seamaster, which he cherishes as a symbol of his father's prime years. Despite his father's challenging nature—being Christian, homophobic, and ultra-conservative—the author values the lessons learned from what not to be. This understanding has also informed his professional life, enabling him to effectively navigate toxic management styles, taking blame for his team's mistakes while celebrating their successes. The author muses on whether his aversion to his father's values and the regret over initially refusing the watch have shaped his approach to management and life.

Opinions

Regret is presented as a powerful and enduring emotion, juxtaposed with love and redemption, as seen in memorable movie moments.
The author values personal growth and reflection, recognizing that his father, despite his flaws, taught him important life lessons.
Toxic managers are criticized for taking credit for successes and blaming others for failures, contrasting with the author's approach of taking responsibility for his team's shortcomings.
The act of purchasing a watch similar to his father's is seen as a means to assuage regret and serves as a daily reminder of his father.
The author believes that understanding what not to be is key to personal and professional success.
The article suggests that even difficult relationships can provide valuable lessons that shape one's character and managerial philosophy.

My Father’s Watch

Before he died in 1990, my father asked me if I would like his watch. I did not wish to appear ghoulish and refused, which I regretted for years as he replaced his gold Omega Seamaster with something that was easier to wear.

My Father’s Watch photo by author © Ian Beckett

Regret is the counterpoint to love as an emotion, but the movie moments we all remember are usually when the protagonists express regret in their path in life.

In Casablanca, Humphry Bogart achieves redemption when he sacrifices the love of his life with the lie “If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

In The Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freedman is paroled after 40 years when he finally understands the purpose of his incarceration with the answer, “There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m in here, but because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone, and this old man is all that’s left. I have to live with that. Rehabilitated? It’s just a bullshit word.”

You always remember your regrets.

When I was 11, I remember sitting on my father’s knee and playing with his watch. For his 25th wedding anniversary, he got a gold watch strap. I loved that watch — it was him when he was in the prime of life.

When he was 60 he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer — the offer of his watch as he grew weaker was refused in my denial of the inevitable.

When I was 60, I flew to Dusseldorf and purchased a 1960 gold Omega Seamaster and had a gold strap commissioned to assuage my regret.

It reminds me of him every time I wear it.

Although I loved him he was a difficult man, a Christian, homophobic, and ultra-conservative. My two aunts questioned whether I was a changeling as I was completely different. I believe he taught me what not to be.

Some toxic managers whom I have had the obligation to work with have become leaders who have changed for the better, while others have discovered to their cost that a toxic management style can be terminal.

My experience with conservative management styles enabled me to deal with toxic managers effectively.

Toxic managers take credit for their teams’ successes and blame everyone but themselves for all failures.

I get paid to take the blame for my team members’ mistakes became my mantra — their success enabled my success.

What not to be is the key to success.

I have celebrated many of my teams’ successes in my Don’t Panic blogs — those managers who fall into the category of failures I have avoided mentioning — but you know who you are.

Is this all because of the learning caused by regret for not taking up the offer of my father’s watch?