My Father Rapes Me Everyday
It’s not over when it’s over

I was four years old the first time my father raped me.
He’s raped me every day since.

It happens when I least expect it
During a lover’s kiss or while rocking my baby to sleep
I’m here and now — then SNAP!
I am there and then

Helpless and tiny
Giant Man vs Little Girl
He wins every time.

You tell me,
“The past is in the past!”
“Get over it, already.”
“It’s time to move on!”

Do you think I want to relive this nightmare?
Did I choose this life?
Was running around in only a diaper asking for it?
Was my naked toddler flesh too seductive?
Did I entice him with my thumb in my mouth?

Stop staring at me, Dad
I’m tired of your blue eyes
And your beard in my face

I’m tired of my nails digging my skin into scars
My eyes forgetting to blink because they are afraid of the dark
My body existing on a plane separate from me
Wishing it would rot and die
So I could be free

If for only a moment, I could fly away
I’d jump from that plane and enjoy the fall
Ready to crash and break into a million pieces
Ready to finally escape

Your hands
Your mouth
Your goddamn dick in my mouth
A four-year-old shouldn’t know what cum tastes like

You don’t like reading that?
The past is the past
Get over it
Move on
I can’t





