My father died. My mother abandoned us.

“My father died. My mother abandoned us.”

These sentences struck me when one of my students wrote them in a Get-To-Know-You questionnaire. (Below is a screenshot from her questionnaire. It is written in Turkish.)

This is how she sees and defines herself, and it’s heartbreakingly sad.

Is this the life a child deserves?

Life isn’t always fair; some of us get dealt a tougher hand. We’ve all learned that.

But how do we cope when life throws such immense challenges our way?

How to live when we are the victim of life? Is living a content life really possible?

Life tests us in ways we can’t always see. I have faith in a fair universe. Even if things don’t seem fair right now, I believe that eventually, everyone will get what they deserve.

Humans have always questioned existence. There are numerous studies and articles about it, and most of us have some understanding of this.

Everything can change, for better or worse. Nothing is permanent. As long as there’s life and death, there’s an element of the unknown. This life isn’t the end of our journey.

Sometimes, what we see as an advantage turns out to be a disadvantage later on, and vice versa. We may feel that only bad things happen to us, but in time, they can lead to beautiful outcomes.

I was reading a book recently where the author had a family background similar to my student’s. By 22, he was struggling to make ends meet working at a hotel. His solace? Writing. He put his pain on paper. He eventually became a renowned author after sharing his story.

Who would have thought that profound sadness could transform a life? While such memories are painful and we wish them upon no one, sometimes our challenges can become our strengths.

Is it possible to change the victim mentality?

Unfortunately, sometimes we are victims in life, and it’s painful. But can changing our perspective make a difference?

Being a victim is often beyond our control.

But feeling like a victim?

That’s up to us.

So how can we not feel like a victim and live a better life? Is it really possible? Or at least can we ease the victim mentality?

6 Powerful Ways to Overcome the Victim Mindset

1) No more fighting. What next?

The first step is to admit you have a problem instead of denying it. Recognize the damage it has caused within you and how bad it makes you feel. For now, simply observe and accept these feelings. (I know it’s not easy.)

We often avoid confronting our issues or act as if nothing has happened. At worst, we continually battle against them. Being aware of this mindset is crucial.

2) Here is poison. Do you wanna drink?

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.”

Nelson Mandela

Such a profound statement.

Forgiving others is often seen as a gesture for their benefit. However, in reality, when we forgive, we are doing ourselves a favour.

When we forgive someone, we release the burden we’ve been carrying in our hearts.

Do YOURSELF a favour and forgive them. After all, we can never truly understand someone else’s perspective or know how we might react in their position.

3) The man who changed in a second. in my eyes.

I once met a man who, at first glance, seemed overweight, wealthy, and arrogant. My initial impression was negative.

However, as we spoke, he expressed deep self-love, which took me by surprise.

His words were powerful: “I cherish everything my body and mind allow me to do. I’m grateful for all of it. I LOVE myself.” He went on as if he read my thoughts: “Although I’m overweight, I’ll lose it. It is in my power. Right now, I prefer beer.” He laughs.

His self-confidence completely transformed my perception of him in a few seconds.

This interaction highlighted the importance of self-love for me — it shapes not only our self-worth but also the impressions others form about us.

To increase self-love, follow this technique.

Speak to yourself as you would to your dearest friend or loved one. How would you talk to her? Would you be harsh? Isn’t she wonderful? Don’t you love her just the way she is? Would you use words that might wound her spirit?

Remember, our body and mind are unique. Embrace your uniqueness.

4) Space.Space.Space.

To overcome the victim mentality, we need mental clarity. Finding perspective is easier when your mind is at peace. This alignment helps direct your energy productively.

Prayer or meditation can facilitate this clarity. While meditation might seem abstract to some, scientific evidence supports its numerous physical and mental health benefits.

Begin with short sessions, say 5 minutes?

Over time, you’ll recognize its profound impact on your well-being.

5) Turn your disadvantage into an advantage

My childhood was challenging, and it took time to openly discuss my past struggles.

This openness came mainly after I accepted and embraced myself.

The moment you feel comfortable sharing your pain is a sign that you’ve either resolved your problems or are on the path to solving them.

By confronting and abandoning my victim mindset, I found it easier to transform my challenges into strengths.

Consider the famous author that I mentioned; his adversities often pave the way for their most celebrated works.

6) I-am-miserable Mantra

What do you repeatedly tell yourself? That you’re not enough? Unsuccessful? Lazy? Or that you should be more productive?

When you feel overwhelmed by the victim mentality, a positive mantra can uplift and motivate you.

One of my favorites is:

“I am the master of my destiny, I am the captain of my soul.”

William Ernest Henley

Select a mantra that resonates with you. Display it on your phone, computer, or any frequently viewed spot.

In the end, we are humans. We forget easily. We should be reminded often to stay positive and stay on track when life happens. :)

I am Merve Erçin. I am an entrepreneur, teacher, life coach, and YouTuber. I hope my writing will help you be your best version. 😇

You can find me on all over social media. But here is the LinkedIn.

Love.Love.Love

Thank you for reading.