13 Hilarious Customer Queries and Complaints
My Experience with Clueless Technophobes
For the past three years, I have worked in a call centre supporting tech queries for a British Internet and landline brand.
I’m no tech expert myself, but I know as much as I need to. Just like with any other job, I began by learning the basics through weeks of intensive training, followed by training that allowed me to learn as I went along.
Coming into this job with no experience with tech was daunting. Aside from owning a smartphone and a laptop, I had no other tech gizmo. The only thing technical I knew about the internet, was how to reset the modem when it went down. I was an absolute novice.
This definitely become apparent on my first day of taking customer calls. My first query was a gentleman who needed assistance connecting his washing machine to his Wi-Fi. One of my hands went straight in the air, the other scratched away at my scalp. I had to flag a trainer down.
I had eyes wide open for this job but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I’d be helping someone connect their laundry machine.
On entering the training room on my first day, I went straight into learning the basics. We learnt everything from internet speeds, how to diagnose issues, how to order engineers and basically what X, Y, Z meant.
What the trainer didn’t tell me at the time, was how bitchy people become when things don’t go their way.
Personally, if my internet goes down, I know it will return shortly. It’s not often that it does stop working, but when it does I usually tackle the dishes and by the time I’m done, my connection has resurfaced. All is well in the world.
For others, the minute the internet goes down, they’re straight on the phones with threatening slurs. All because they had no internet for five minutes.
Kindness is key when it comes to customer service. Some people assume that when they try and diminish your role, and you’re still full of smiles on the other end of the line, you must be a sarcastic bitch (as one customer put it). I guess that’s a story for another time.
Not to toot my own horn, but I rarely get an opportunity to pass complaints to management level because I'm always able to listen and really help concerned customers. Even when their queries are ridiculous.
There have been some queries however, that have been so bazaar, they were laughable.
So I thought I’d share them with you guys. Enjoy!
- Customer: “I can’t afford my internet so I don’t see why I should pay for it.”
- Customer: “I need you to patch me through to this number, it’s an emergency.” *One quick google search later* Me: “Sir, Babe Station is not an emergency, good day.”
- Customer: “I can’t connect to my internet, something must be wrong. By the way, the modem is off. Does that matter?”
- Customer: “The internet has been down for 5 minutes. How do you expect me to live without internet?”
- Customer: “I need to connect to the internet right away but can’t seem to pick up my modem connection… how far from my modem? Oh I’m not at home right now.”
- Customer: “I need to cancel my internet package because I’m gluten free.”
- Customer: “I’ve lost my friends number, can you give it to me instead? I only have her first name, will that do?”
- Customer: “My PC wont switch on, my lights won’t either actually but I’m more concerned with the PC. I think I’ve had a power cut, but I need my PC to switch on. Can you help?”
- Customer: “I’m following instructions to set up my virus protect and it asks me to press any key. I can’t find the any key.”
- Customer: “I had a skype interview. I didn’t get the job. It must be because my internet was slow. I need (company) to pay for my loss. I won’t accept anything less than £100k.”
- Customer: “I can’t log into my Netflix account.” Me: “You need to contact Netflix sir.” Customer: “You’re my internet supplier. How dare you ask me to contact someone else.”
- Customer: “I need to pay my bill, here’s my details.” Me: “Sir your cards been declined, would you like me to try again.” Customer: “Oh yeah it probably won’t, it hasn’t got money in it.”
- Customer: “I had an engineer appointment today. I went shopping for a few hours and he didn’t wait for me. I need to speak to a manager.”
These examples are just some mind boggling queries I’ve dealt with, the past month. After 3 years of working for this company I’m still stunned most days with the amount of crazy that comes out of people’s mouths.
Most customers might have me confused and scratching my head most days, but they sure do make me laugh.
