My Experience of Being an Introvert

An article for introverts.

Throughout my entire life I could count my close friends on one hand. In fact, I don’t think that number has ever reached three. A lot of people have the wrong idea about introverts and I say that because for a very long time, I had the wrong idea about introverts and so I just want to share my perspective.

It’s really easy to look up the word introvert and see that the definition is someone who is shy or quiet. Obviously I’m not going to say that’s flat-out wrong. It’s in the dictionary after all, but unfortunately, I feel like things are not so black and white.

I know it sounds crazy but I didn’t realize how introverted I am until very recently. And I think this is is an unbelievably valuable thing to know about yourself whether you’re introverted or not. I’m just gonna speak for myself here.

Understanding who I am and, more crucially, how I operate has been a very confusing but important process for me. I feel like as I figure these things out little by little I’ve been able to make better decisions for myself and where I put my time. At my age it feels like there’s a lot of social pressure to be very sociable with people.

I think of movies like American Pie. And it’s so backwards because even just a couple generations ago things were so different. Now, however that seems kind of like the image of happiness that we all see on social media and also mainstream media. The point of why I’m bringing this up is because I think there are other ways to squeeze the juice out of life in your twenties

I’m not socially awkward. I don’t have a problem speaking in front of people, speaking with people. I can be really be loud. I mean I love connecting with people.

Human interactions fascinate me but above all I think that the most important relationship that you have in life is with yourself.

For me everything fits into three categories —

1. Deep Relationships

These kinds of relationship feed me, and my creativity. Finding people that I can connect with or even close to this level is really difficult though and that doesn’t happen very often.

In fact, I’ve never met somebody that I can actually connect with creatively and spiritually.

2. Superficial Relationships

These are people that you have surface level conversations with where basically nothing is being said, nothing of depth, I mean. These kind of relationships and interactions don’t just drain me, after a while they fill me with desperation. I have this feeling of being trapped and wanting to escape.

I know that sounds very dramatic. But I can’t really explain it beyond that. It’s just one of the reasons why I have always hated amusement parks, malls and clubs.

3. Time Alone

I put this on the same category as like food, water, exercise and sleep. Basically an absolute necessity for me to properly function as a human being an it’s not just that, this is where I want to spend the majority of my time.

There is so much for me to explore within my own mind emotionally, creatively, I mean I really do think about this a lot, I’m at the very dawn of my career still there’s so much for me to discover and I get excited just talking about it. And when you get that excited about something why wouldn’t you want to put all your time and energy into it.

Now Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, had some very interesting things to say about introversion and extroversion. He said,

What appears to be the random behavior is actually the result of differences in the way people prefer to use their mental capabilities.

To me, that’s a mind-blowing statement because it’s so true, and yet it’s so simply stated. He also said, “Each person seems to be energized more by either the external world or the internal world.”

And I think that’s the key right there. Like I said, I don’t see things as being so black and white. But I do believe that we all lean in one direction or another. I‘m not sure of this as learned behavior, I feel like as a kid I was a little bit more extroverted.

Maybe it depends on like the stage of life that you’re at, you know if you’re going through a period of introspection, everyone in my immediate family is the exact same way. It’s kind of hilarious.

If you know or think maybe you’re an introvert, embrace it, there is no shame in choosing not to hang out with other people and do your own thing. Of course, this is kind of a fine line because in my opinion there is no excuse not to develop your social skills and your ability to communicate.

Warren Buffet said, “If you can’t communicate, its like winking at a girl in the dark — nothing happens. You can have all the brainpower in the world, but you have to be able to transmit it. And transmission is communication.”

That Quote makes me laugh because it’s true.

All I’m trying to say is that I don’t think it’s healthy to be always avoiding the things that make you uncomfortable.

And that’s an important distinction that I’m trying to make. If you’re invited to a party for example but you don’t want to go, try to figure out what the real reason for this is.

It might be that you don’t want to hang out with people and you need time to recharge which is totally fine, but it also might be the fact that you’re actively avoiding people. And that’s a totally different story.

I’m definitely not an expert in any of these stuff but I believe that the only way to get better at communication is by doing it. By the way, I have my own issues with connecting with people. I also have awkward interactions but deeper that that I feel like I’m often disappointed with the people that I get to know more deeply.

As I get to know somebody on a deeper level I invariably get to know aspects of their character or their ethics or their emotional intelligence that I don’t align with. And that begins to turn me away from them. Now there are a few solid takeaways from that.

• One — Diversity
• Two — Nobody’s perfect. Thank god actually, and if they did, why would they want to hang out with me, another imperfect person?

I have a very close relationship with my parents and my brother and we would fight all the time and disagree on a whole host of things down to stupid things like how to properly load the dishwasher. I’m not kidding.

However, on the flip side, I think it is good to have high standards and I truly do believe that the five people that you spend the most time with really do have a major impact on you and what that means is that I can’t give up. If I stopped trying to meet people altogether, I would really end up isolated.

So I signed up for a couple of art classes. Basically, this ends up becoming kind of a balancing art and I’m definitely still figuring out for myself. Either way I think my ability to communicate which I really worked hard at might be one of the most valuable skills that I have.

And finally a lot of people ask me about loneliness, once again, and without trying to push things too far to the extreme, I do prefer to be alone than in bad company.

While this isn’t like a major problem, I do face feeling of loneliness from time to time but the truth is like I feel like the path to getting to know yourself and introspection can be lonely sometimes. I think that is a small price to pay for doing something that most people aren’t willing to do which is to get to know yourself better.

I wanted to write this article because I think introverts have kind of a bad reputation of being socially awkward, timid, reclusive and by extension boring. I mean, I thought that for a very long time. Maybe I’m biased about all this but I actually think that the world could use more introversion right now. More time for all of us dedicated to getting to know ourselves.

Thank you for reading.

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