My Ex-Boyfriend Was (Really) a Sociopath

The story of a science teacher who broke up with me in a very interesting way

The Warning Signs Weren’t There

The ultimate revelation that my last ex-boyfriend was a sociopath caught me completely off guard. We had a good relationship. It was a very normal relationship. We had shared interests. We hung out together a lot. There weren’t many warning signs that the relationship of a few months would come to a crashing halt.

He had come to my mom’s house that Christmas to celebrate with my family and we even went to the mall with her. My mom seemed to really like him. Given her history of homophobia and not approving of any of my previous partners, male or female, I was shocked.

Normal Relationship, Nerdy Interests, Attractive Couple

I suppose given that he was a high school science teacher and was a very conventionally attractive man didn’t hurt anyone’s perception of my relationship. He was a physically thin man, decently tall, and wore glasses that looked very distinguished on him. My friends and family had quickly grown to like him. This was definitely the case with my friends. He would be invited to our weekly game nights at my best friend’s house. My best friend even liked him.

Spending Quality Time Together

I didn’t have a car at the time but I made every attempt to make it easier for us to see each other. I would spend two to three hours on public transit on the days that I would have to travel the 45 miles to his house. Sometimes I would meet him after school in his classroom where I’d help him grade his student’s papers just so that he could get out of school earlier and we could start our dates. I would have to spend the night frequently, even if it was just on the couch. I was fine with the couch.

Proud of My New Relationship

We were still fairly new as a couple when I started spending the night at his house after making the long trips to see him. I wasn’t in love with him or anything but I did enjoy spending time with him. I also was very fond of bragging about him to my student government peers and work friends. Apparently, he was a student assistant at the high school in the city I was working in before he got a full-time teaching job in the city he was living in now. People knew exactly who he was. It made me feel semi-famous being associated with such a nice guy who was well-liked.

Our relationship was still very much in the exploratory/honeymoon phase. The more time we spent together, the more fond we seemed to grow of each other. Or at least I thought. He even told me that he loved me. I wasn’t even there yet but I smiled and nodded. There was a darkness in the background though that at the time I couldn’t really feel or sense. A secret that would lead to the end of our relationship.

A Lot Had Happened In a Few Months

I was blissfully ignorant of all of this. I just wanted to build this relationship into potentially something more. I had no idea that he was about to halt everything into a crashing end. In the time, we were together, I had gone through a lot personally. I had quit my job at Walmart to take on a math tutoring job with kids that I rode my bicycle everywhere for. I had had a traumatic head injury around this time too. I was still in good shape from riding everywhere and started struggling financially after my bicycle accident.

Maybe all of these factors were bubbling in his head. I know that normal people and couples would communicate with each other about this kind of stuff. I guess I should’ve seen the warning signs when he started pulling away a bit and we would start hanging out less and less. I didn’t think that we were about to break up. It just seemed like he wanted some well-needed space. After all, I was coming over to his apartment a lot.

Emotionally Distant and the Confrontation

When he did finally agree to start having dates at his apartment again, something strange started happening. He would come up with excuses to not be intimate with me and he would seem distant a lot of the time. It got to the point where I started noticing. I wasn’t going to just stand by and watch him completely check out of the relationship until he explained what was wrong.

One day, I was listening to music on his television. The song, “Say Something” by Christina Aguilera and Great Big World came on. I started singing along with it as it resonated with me more than ever at that moment. I looked right into his eyes with a deepening sorrow that had previously been masked. He couldn’t put up his charade anymore.

He stopped me in my tracks and turned off the television. “Gerald, we need to talk. This isn’t going to work.”

“You’re the one who said you loved me. I wasn’t there yet. What’s happening?”

“I haven’t been honest with you. You’re a good guy and I don’t want to hurt you, and by the way, I’m a sociopath. I can’t string you along anymore.”

His words shocked me. Normally, a sociopath wouldn’t admit to being one but the upcoming events would confirm everything he just said.

The Journal of Cruelty

He pulled out the dreaded journal. It had pages and pages of his disgust and contempt for me. He had grown to hate me through spending all of the time with me. His journal had killed me slowly with every word I read. I asked him to read it and he obliged knowing that I would react the way I did. It felt like the lyrics in that song, “Killing Me Softly (With His Song)” but in a cruel and unfeeling way. I know he says he didn’t want to hurt me but he knew that that would be impossible once I started reading his words.

I didn’t understand any of it. None of the words seemed to make sense in the context of the actions and words he’d conveyed over those few months we had spent together. Even though I was deeply hurt, I knew I wasn’t in love with him. It was the sting of rejection and repulsion that floored me. I’d never had high self-esteem even being fit and the sting sent me into a dark place that took a few weeks to overcome.

You Never Know Who Might Be a Sociopath

Sociopaths are hard to spot. They can be anybody in your life. In my case, it was an ex-boyfriend. He seemed to be charming, intelligent, caring, sweet, but he turned out to be cold-hearted, callous, uncaring, unfeeling, and sort of twisted.

I am so fortunate that my next relationship would end up being my current one a month later but that experience scarred me for a long time. I guess I’m sharing this because you never know who you’re around, even in your own inner circle. I’m not saying we would’ve gotten married or anything but him letting me read the cruel words in that journal has to go down as one of the most messed up and traumatic breakups of all time.