HEALTHY DOG, HEALTHY WRITER

My Dog Needs Professional Help

His psychic paw reader told me so

My dog* was having a bad day.

Since his skills are limited to running around the yard, barking, lying around the house and begging for food, I had to drive him to his favourite doctor.

My skills are more limited than his. I sit around the house all day and write. But at least I can drive.

So off we went.

My dog’s favourite doctor is more of a witch doctor, but she’s performed miracle exorcisms before and she has the treats he likes. In he went to be healed. I was told to wait outside. Something about bad juju.

When she returned my dog, he was still not right.

She took my credit card and gave me a business card. My dog’s favourite treats are expensive.

“Reiki Pet Healing — All pets welcome.” read the card.

It was only around the corner and my dog wasn’t getting any better, so I reserved judgment and off we went.

This doctor made me stand in the corner, something about my negative aura. He never laid a hand on my dog, but touched me up for $150.

Walking back to the car, my dog moaned and stumbled around looking lost. Our groaning drew the attention of the psychic reader holding business across the road.

“I can read paws too. Only 20 dollars.” she said.

What the hell… So off we went.

The psychic took my dog in her hands, looked him over, and then gave him back to me.

“I’ve never said this about a dog before, but he needs professional help. Go. Go now.”

So off we went.

Now I’m trying this quack. He told me to sit out in the waiting room while he attends my dog.

It’s been a long day. But his waiting room has comfy chairs.

* Now replace ‘dog’ with ‘story’ and reread this story.

(It may not be any more enlightening, but it’s the end of the month and I’ve got to get my read time up. Ka-Ching.)