My Dog is So Embarrassing!

But yesterday I was the embarrassing one

She’s cute, that’s for sure! But my dog Ginger is embarrassing as heck.

4 Reasons:

1. She’s A Sidewalk-Hog.

Ginger is content to walk along on the edge of the sidewalk in front of me- until someone is walking towards us. Then she wants to be in their direct line. She fights with all her strength, to be right in their path.

People see a furry, happy face trying to walk towards them and they think “Aw the puppy wants to see me!” and they put out their arms. But that’s not true. She has no time to socialize. She just wants to walk in their way and deek out at the last minute before they can pet her. Better luck next dog.

2. She Aims For Paths & Roads.

Ginger targets the prettiest paths and driveways to shit on. We walk through fields of grass, but she will wait until we pass a house with a decorative path that meets the sidewalk, and that’s where she wants to crap.

Another spot she favors is mid-intersection. I never feel proud when I’m holding up traffic to pick up poo.

3. Water Kicks.

I would feel like an asshole if I didn’t let her take a drink when we pass by a water bowl. She is eager to get to any water she sees!

She looks hot and thirsty because she breaths like Darth Vader, and walks with all her might. People turn around to look when they hear her loud breath coming.

I bring water, but she won’t drink the home stuff. She keeps her eye out for bowls put out by kind strangers. When she finds a water bowl or a dog fountain, she will take a tiny drink while she puts her foot in and kicks most of the water out! I have to stand back or I’ll get soaked. She’d never do that at home. She only kicks other people’s water around. It’s not very considerate.

4. Ginger Hates Dogs.

When they look at this face, people don’t believe my claims that Ginger is ferocious. If another dog enters her bubble, she will attack. I used to warn fellow dog walkers by saying, “My dog isn’t friendly!” But they’d look at her sweet face, scoff at me, and bring their dogs closer! Stupid people.

Now I say “My dog bites”, which seems to be more effective.

One time, a man and his big rottweiler were walking towards us. I didn’t want Ginger to pick a fight with that beast! Luckily, there was a little grassy spot so I dipped off the sidewalk to wait for the guy to pass by with his rotty.

Well, the guy thought I was misjudging his big friendly dog, so he followed me around the corner and said, “I want to show you how nice he is!”. Ginger bit that rotty in the face. He was a nice dog! He didn’t bite back.

She’s A Critter-Killer

Ginger has murdered possums, bunnies, rats, birds, and 2 skunks. The skunks were the worst because they made her reek for weeks!

Which leads me to why…

I Embarrassed Myself at 4 am Yesterday

Ginger and I were having a long, late-night adventure.

We were speed-walking as usual. (We are the fastest!) I was enjoying being out in the middle of the night with no one in our way to slow us down.

I had an idea for a blog, so I was a bit distracted, voice-to-texting myself when Ginger suddenly stopped in her tracks.

I looked down to see what was up, and she was nose-to-nose with two skunks! I let out a long, loud, blood-curdling scream. And pulled her out into the road. For some reason, Ginger did not try to attack the skunks. I’m still amazed that she went right up to them on the sidewalk without incident!

But, upon hearing my terror-filled scream, men came running out of their houses! I sheepishly apologized and said “Skunks... it was skunks.” I’m pretty sure I woke them up at that ungodly hour. I was mortified.

At least it’s comforting to know if something was actually deserving of a scream like that, there are men in this neighborhood who would run out to help! But I think I’ll avoid taking that street for a while.

Me and my dog are so embarrassing.