My Daughter is a Drug Addict
Facing the truth and learning how to move forward
She is my firstborn, the apple of my eye. She was always advanced and gifted. She was who everyone trusted, the first you called when you needed a babysitter, little Miss Responsible. I wish I knew how we ended up here.
Aside from being very responsible, she was probably my most challenging child. She is very stubborn and very vocal about anything she takes issue with.
After she graduated from a High School/College program, she got into her own apartment and worked as an Assistant Manager in a Pizza joint. Things looked like they were going well. She lived in a different state from me, but we talked regularly, and I would also visit.
Things changed quickly, and without warning. At first, it was little things that make you go hmmm, but nothing that would lead me to conclude she was addicted to drugs. She lost her job; she was fired. She was hanging out with a new person, and she seemed completely absorbed by her.
The next thing I knew, I was getting a call that she had attempted suicide, and they found heroin, cocaine, and meth in her system; I was COMPLETELY blown away.
How do you deal with your child having a drug addiction? I had no experience with drugs, so I really didn’t know the warning signs. I was quite a nieve to drug use, but not to worry; my daughter gave me a quick education.
The effects of drug and alcohol addiction can be both short-term and long-term. Peaceful, loving homes can be divided by the strain caused by drug abuse. Conflict becomes normal as family members fight to engage with a son or daughter who abuses drugs. Drug addiction doesn’t only affect the person taking the drugs; it annihilates the entire family.
I had to learn that I couldn’t fix this or change this; I had to let my daughter fix this. Any attempt I made to help her was enabling her to continue. The general rules that apply when someone isn’t a drug user don’t apply when they are drug users.
I had to watch helplessly while my daughter got evicted and became homeless. I couldn’t bail her out of jail when she was arrested. My daughter, who was my pride and joy, my firstborn, I couldn’t save.
I am raising her daughter now and legally adopting her. In some ways, this helps me help her, I guess. I didn’t picture this, and I really thought my daughter would snap out of it, but she is going on over 3 years of this behavior, and now my only hope is that she survives it.
I still love her with all of my heart, even though I barely hear from her, and she rarely checks in on her daughter. This has strained her relationship with all of her family. Every time I see anyone, they ask me if she is doing any better and I report, ”No”, it’s heartbreaking.
I have learned to still exist with a level of happiness, even though my daughter is out on the streets and not safe, because at least my grandchild is not with her. I compartmentalize, I have gotten good at it. I focus on my husband and my granddaughter and my other children. I send positive thoughts out for my daughter every day, hoping she will find the strength to make a different choice that will lead her to a recovery path.
“Addiction is an adaptation. It’s not you–it’s the cage you live in.”
– Johann Hari
When people learn you have a child with drug addiction, they look at you differently. I hope that fewer people pass judgment, and more people show empathy. We didn’t choose drug addiction.
If you or a member of your family need help, there are resources available to you. If anyone EVER needs a shoulder, mine is here for you, always.