My Daughter is a Drag Queen
How I am learning about gender-neutral pronouns, makeup, and the drag scene.
Until fairly recently I didn’t know that women could be drag queens. I thought drag was ‘drag’ because it’s men. It seems I was wrong. Or more like unaware. Because apparently after the success of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, the popularity of drag culture has grown exponentially. And this is exactly how my child started.
Misty Pical was born!
Misty became OBSESSED with Ru Paul’s Drag Race in their final year of school.
Everything about it appealed to them. It sang to their inner drama queen (and Misty sure is one of those!). All their life they have managed to make a drama out of everything. This is partly to do with their incredible sensory issues which meant sometimes even getting dressed as a little one was hard: soft fabrics only, socks inside out, no jeans, no hard seams — that kind of thing.
The journey to this point has seen Misty challenge gender stereotypes, societal expectations and find a way of expressing themselves.
I had to do my research on this “women in drag” idea and I discovered journalist Kashmira Ghanda, who explored the world of drag herself for an article, posing that it “comes down to the fact that drag is about more than just a man wearing a dress, but about questioning gender stereotypes and the norms we are expected to conform to — norms that can stifle us all — all while putting on a blinding show.”
It makes sense to me.
My daughter echoes Ghanda’s words, proposing that drag has evolved now to be more than men/women exploring hyper-femininity, now it’s really about exploring gender expression, realizing that gender isn’t binary. Basically Misty thinks it’s a big F**k You! to gender norms and expectations.
And the results are spectacular!
I certainly don’t pretend to have much insight into this world. I frequented drag bars in my late teens and early 20s. I had some young friends who had just come out and I went along with them. They seemed safe places to me, where I could go and not be groped getting a drink at the bar. The Drag Queens were fabulous. It was fun. But that was years ago. Many years ago.
I know that there is often a distinction for her as to whether Misty is in drag or just full makeup. I am just not sure exactly what the distinction is. There seem to be some pretty strict unwritten rules as to what constitutes being in drag.
I do know that my child has so far surpassed my make up skills that I feel like an amoeba!
The use of gender-neutral pronouns takes practice. Being aware of how we address others needs to be something that we do automatically. It takes practice and empathy. For someone like me, whose training has been in the English language, studying literature, teaching language and how to write, it comes as a challenge at times. Misty prefers that I write using ‘they,’ a more inclusive pronoun.
It is a challenge that we should open ourselves to, to ensure that this world we live in is an inclusive place.
My daughter’s passion and energy for this creative outlet has seen them gain a whole range of new skills — Misty can now sew, does all their own makeup (all self-taught), can apply wigs and fake eyelashes, knows not to use a hot glue gun on their skin (learned that the hard way!), how to edit photos, videos, music, choreography… I am quite sure there are many things I’ve left off the list.
Their stage name, Misty Pical, is a cleverly thought out play on words — ‘Miss Typical’ when nothing about Misty is ‘typical’ at all, even shaving their head on stage during a performance!
Misty’s passion and energy for this performance expression also now means they’re now getting paid.
What started out as a bit of a hobby and a fun thing to do has now developed into a paid gig. Misty gets paid to perform at a range of clubs in Melbourne, where they live. Misty has even been to perform in Sydney — a debut mini-tour! And the very exciting news is they have released the first single in an album with another drag friend that they’ve produced themselves. (Available on Apple Music and Spotify, they’re called Fisty Music!)
There are so many reasons for me to be in awe, to have a proud mama moment! Misty is being creative, following their passion, making political statements, challenging outdated stereotypes, meeting wonderful people, developing new skills, and being true to themselves. I think that is all a parent can really ask for.
And my wonderful child has taught me so much in the process!
~thanks for reading!~
If you want to check out more of Misty’s work, you can find them on Instagram @mistypical — it’s really worth following!
Lisa is a mother, partner, teacher, writer, poet, nature-lover, avid reader and film watcher. She has had poems published in an anthology called Poetic Notes, as well as in several other publications.
*Misty doesn’t mind me calling them ‘daughter.’
