Parenting | Family | Relationships

My Daughter and Her Two Toddlers Have Moved In

My Routine Is Screwed, Send Help!

Being a grandparent is a blessing, but there are days when I consider that maybe it’s not what it’s cracked up to be after all.

I’ve often talked about my grandchildren, aged 3 and 1, sharing snippets like these.

It would be fair to say that I adore my grandchildren.

Love without the responsibility I call it.

I love welcoming them when they arrive to visit.

But I also love seeing them leave at the end of the visit.

I clear away their toy mess, which is not really a ‘mess’.

I wipe away the spills they’ve left behind.

I clear away the food crumbs sprinkling the floor.

Then my life returns to normal.

I’m a grandparent, after all, I get to enjoy the good bits and still have a life. That’s the way it should be, so I’m led to believe.

I sit down, have a cuppa, and think how lovely it was to see them.

That was until a few days ago.

How It Unfolds

My daughter had called to pre-warn me. Then she arrived armed with her two.

Her marriage had been going through a stormy patch. To be frank, it hasn’t been good for a while.

She had left him before.

He would plead. Make promises galore. Of how he would change and wants his family together.

She would go back, and they would try again.

They’ve even attended couples counseling.

It would be fine for a while.

Then a few months later, he would return to his single lad lifestyle. I believe he’s got narcissistic tendencies, is self-centered, and is unable to think of anyone else. Controlling as well. But that’s just my view.

He does not like me; I think that’s because he knows I can see through him. I will write about being the mother-in-law from hell if I get the chance.

Then she found she was expecting baby number two.

She felt stuck. Trapped. What to do?

But she felt she had little choice. So she stayed.

Reaching the End of The Tether

This time though I think she’s done.

The snake is still a snake, even when it changes its skin.

This time, she’s talking about splitting everything, divorcing, and starting again.

But she is in a sticky situation. In limbo.

She’s moved out of their house with the kids as he refused to do so.

Nesting Could Have Been An Option

Have you heard of nesting?

This is when parents are splitting up, the parents do the moving. The children stay in their family home. The parents move so that each can have time with the children in the family home.

Nesting makes sense if the parents can come to such an agreement.

It is so confusing for children to be carted around. Moved about. Sleeping in one home one day, and another the next.

Sadly, he wasn’t willing to make this compromise, so she had no choice and she moved out with the children.

This gets me back to the topic.

I have a morning routine that fits in for me.

For me, there’s something special about first thing in the morning.

My Morning Routine

I wake up early by 6 am. I complete my daily Tai Chi. Then make my first brew of coffee.

Then I sit and write. And write some more.

Until I have to get started on my other work, the one that pays the bills.

But Life Has Changed For This Gran

Since that day, this is what is happening now.

At 6 am, I try to sneak downstairs.

My granddaughter aged 3 has super sharp ears.

“Granny” she shouts.

I keep silent and continue creeping down.

“Granny”. She calls again louder this time. She knows someone is on the landing.

I continue with my mission to get downstairs.

The goal in sight is my morning routine.

As I get closer to the final stair, I’m met with an even louder “Granny, it’s (child’s name) I’m awake”.

She continues to shout this loudly. On repeat, I might add.

With no choice, I go and get her up before she wakes her 1-year-old brother. He’s a light sleeper too, so I am surprised that he has not stirred yet.

I try to negotiate with a 3-year-old.

I tell her that Gran needs to work. We agree to put Peppa Pig on the TV.

It’s not ideal. I can’t fully concentrate with Peppa Pig oinking in the background, but it’s a compromise. I’m clutching at whatever I can get.

However, her 3-year-old agreement doesn’t sync with mine.

Soon she is standing next to me, tugging for me to come and sit with her.

To play with her.

She wants a drink.

She needs her breakfast.

She needs a wee.

I look at the blank computer screen.

I guess there won’t be a story written this morning.

I give up on the routine.

I give her my attention.

It’s All A Mess

My daily routine is through the roof, but my daughter’s life is out the roof. Her children’s routine totally diminished.

They are already feeling the early effects of this breakup.

It’s always sad when children are involved, but sadder when parents stay together for the sake of the children.

How do you explain to a 3-year-old what is going on?

How do you explain why her sleepover at Gran’s is lasting so long?

And why is Mummy sleeping over too?

Where’s Daddy? Why can’t he sleep over?

These are the questions coming out of my granddaughter’s mouth.

Children are smart and can sense when things are going wrong.

It has thrown their routines.

Frankly, all our routines are a mess.

It certainly makes you value routine when you don’t have it. I won’t even tell you about bedtime last night. I will keep that for another story if I get the chance to write it.

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© Bernie Pullen, All Rights Reserved