My dark journey…

Through mental health #1

~Author’s note~

Hello, dear reader. But, already, that is not quite right now, is it? If you are going to read something about me, then I might name you something else instead. And so, for the sake of this upcoming tale of personal events I am about to share with you, I shall now refer to you — whenever I do refer to you, that is — as simply, Friend. Thanks for coming today, Friend.

The building you see above you is the Sheffield Hallam University Collegiate Campus in the United Kingdom. Sheffield Hallam University is where this tale begins, and however unlikely that may seem, it is the truth. For I believe that studying and university life can be very closely linked to one’s mental well-being.

Before I begin, I would like to admit that the photos you will see in my articles of My dark journey through mental health are not mine. Sadly, I lost my HDD containing all of my photos of the last 20 years of my life and my virtual backup failed. With that said, allow me, Friend, to begin my story.

My dark journey through mental health #1

12 years ago, I began a crucial chapter in my life. At 25 years old, I was what was considered a ‘mature student,’ which was already a label that, honestly, I had no idea how I should feel about or if I should bother feeling at all. Regardless, that’s what I was at the time, a mature student, unlike many of my cohort (a group) who were at least several years younger than me. Of course, I wasn’t the only mature student, there were many of us. In addition to being a mature student, I was also one of three males in a cohort of around 60 other students. Maybe there was more…my memory fails me, but I was definitely amongst the minority.

Getting to university was a huge thing for me. As a teenager, I attended Myers Grove School in Sheffield, United Kingdom. My time there wasn’t great to be honest, but there are memories, as well as friends, still held dear today.

Myers Grove school didn’t exactly prepare me for anything beyond that. I left with shocking, terrible grades in my GCSE’s. The highest grade I got was a D, and that was in the subject of R.E. (Religious Education). Such a GCSE was hardly going to send me into higher education, and so I left school feeling completely lost. I had no direction, no aspirations, and almost nothing to show for the years of public education I had endured.

Now, Friend, I’m not blaming the whole thing on Myers Grove. Other factors contributed, but that school didn’t or maybe couldn’t help someone like me. Why, you ask, Friend? Well, I was a very quiet kid. I was pushed around and bullied before I hit my teens, and this leaked into my teens and influenced how I behaved about this level of education. Instead of wanting good grades and doing my homework, it became more important for me to look cool and be hard so that no one would push me around anymore, and maybe girls could like me.

Anyway, this tale is not about my teens but about my mental health journey. I just wanted to give you, Friend, a starting point and some context about me for when you read on.

Three choices. Before I began university, I had three choices of where I wanted to study my chosen subject. Occupational Therapy was taught around the country, but the three universities I was given a choice of were my home of Sheffield, York, or Huddersfield. After visiting all three, I eventually chose Sheffield. Friend, you ask why? After crunching the numbers, I could not see the possibility of surviving financially anywhere outside my hometown to study for so long. I had a flexible job in the NHS, I studied martial arts, and all of my support network was in Sheffield. I might mention that, at the time, I was also studying a Video Games Design course, which required much of my time.

Can you see the problems starting to appear yet?

My first day at university was a magical one, to be fair. So many faces, so many backgrounds, so much stimulation. I never imagined, even for a moment, that I would have made it to university. My confidence was too low, I was not wealthy, and I had to work damned hard to raise my grades high enough after school to get to the standards accepted by university.

If you guys would like to know more about that part of my life, you can put it forward, and maybe I will write about it.

I was whisked into a class, and taught the study skills of a university student in good time. Everything went pretty well at the beginning. I met girls, made friends, and really did put my all into my university studies. After all, it took tremendous effort and sacrifice to get to where I was, and I was utterly determined to get through it.

I want you to remember something for now. I was studying at university full time. I was working in the NHS with any spare time I had. I attended martial arts classes twice per week. I was training to be a video game designer. It was a hell of a lot to do, and I had almost no spare time. I’m going to continue in the next entry, but for now, I am going to leave you guessing.

This is Tyler Woden signing off, for now, Friend. Until next time…

The next entry is due Sunday.

Please take a look inside at my debut book. The Last Tree In The Orchard.

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