My Classic Sex Playlist — #1

Chronicle of an Open Marriage #35: for your f*cking pleasure

A while back I asked readers what they would put on a Sexy Playlist. I wanted something I could play to disguise the sounds of our lovemaking from the upstairs and next door neighbors, the pre-teen boys playing basketball outside our bedroom window, and my husband lying on the couch in the living room… Sometimes, he’s excited by our sex sounds. Then he comes in to join us, and I get to be the center of a delicious manwich. Yum. But other times, Hubs would rather not hear me moaning and groaning to another man’s…touch. So I asked readers what music I should play in the bedroom.

Crickets.

Lucky for me, I stumbled onto Boz Scaggs Greatest Hits Live album while listening to the local radio station. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, that turns out to be the perfect album for f*cking. There are bluesy numbers, a few that sound country, and a number of poppy numbers with a driving beat. That satisfied. But then HoneyBear (aka Captain) gave me an old itunes gift card that had been kicking around his apartment for about four years. (“You’re the only one I know who pays for music,” he tells me.) Suddenly I had $50 to spend, so I decided to come up with 10 super good songs that I would want to listen to while having sex.

Once I got started, I couldn’t stop at 10. Because as it turns out, making playlists is super fun! But in the interest of keeping your interest, and in acknowledgement of our sadly shrinking attention span, I’m just going to list the first 10 songs here.

Let me know what you think, and if any of your favorite sexy songs are missing. I will follow up with another 10 later on. I’m not entirely sure I got the order right. This is a work in progress. And yes, all the songs are “classic,” because I’m a classic lady, aged to perfection. So buckle up. Here goes!

1. Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton

This one is for HoneyBear. He was born and raised in Wyoming, and likes country music best. He played this for me when we were necking in his car Tuesday night, and told me this is his favorite song. So of course, I have to start with it, since the list is more or less in his honor. It has a nice smokey, bluesy flavor. And Stapleton has a good deep and sultry voice.

2. Fever by Peggy Lee

I used to love this song as a child, which gives you an idea of how old I am (as the hills). It’s sexy and sassy and makes no apology for female desire. I thought I remembered music playing behind her, though? But instead, Peggy Lee’s voice is backed up by just a bass and a drum, and snapping fingers. It’s a cool sound. Hubs tells me the Beatles were big fans of Peggy Lee — that she had dinner with Paul and Linda McCartney, and that they gifted her a song. That means she has street cred, in my book.

3. Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers

I love this song because…who doesn’t? Bluesy and sexy and soulful and sweet and mournful and… did I mention sexy? I’m not sure this live performance is the best rendition, the official audio has fuller orchestration and better sound, but I fell in love with the vibe of this performance video, with the happy drummer and cool guitar player sitting casually in a big easy chair in his plaid pants.

4. Gee Baby, Ain’t I Good To You by Diana Krall

I remembered this song from way back in the day as sung by another woman, probably Peggy Lee, but in searching itunes, I couldn’t find it! I guess they don’t carry every song ever made? So I decided on this super sexy Diana Krall rendition instead. But there are also, for your enjoyment, excellent versions by Nat King Cole, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Peggy Lee, and a whole host of other greats on YouTube. It’s also an easy song to play on the ukulele, if you happen to have one and like to sing the blues.

5. Me and Mrs. Jones by Billy Paul

Now HoneyBear and I aren’t technically having an affair, at least not on my end. (HoneyBear’s long distance girlfriend doesn’t know about us, which is a sore spot for me, but not sore enough to motivate me to end it.) In fact, Hubs and I consider HoneyBear “our” lover. We share him. We all play together more or less happily, having a threesome once or twice a week and separate twosomes in similar number. But still, this song reminds me of HB and me, because we surely do have a thing going on… :p Also, remember Soul Train?

6. Just the Two of Us by Grover Washington, Jr. and Bill Withers

Probably considering our situation I should be looking for a song called “Just the Three of Us,” but there isn’t one out there, to my knowledge. Besides, there’s a special intimacy that happens in our twosomes, a life giving and heart opening interaction that wasn’t happening in my marriage after nearly 40 years of monotonous monogamy. Now, with HoneyBear thrown (naked) into the mix, my lovemaking feels fresh and exciting again — both with Hubs and with HoneyBear, and with both of them simultaneously.

7. Use Me by Bill Withers

One of the problems we were having in our long-term marriage before we opened it up was that I felt used in our sexual interactions. That’s because Hubs wasn’t giving up the affection and love I needed to feel appreciated and valued. As the years passed, he became grumpier and grumpier, almost a cariacature of the stereotypical old man, yet he still wanted to stick it in on the regular. So I felt used. And resentful. And unhappy. That’s why it was an eye opening and lovely experience when I was f*cking HoneyBear one day and he whispered, “Use me. I love it when you use me for your pleasure.” Huh? That kind of took the sting out of the word. And so does this song. So good…

8. At Last by Etta James

When Obama had his inaugural ball, Beyonce sang this song. Oh my god, was I moved. It was a fantastic moment, and a stunning performance. She was beautiful, of course. Michelle and Barak were radiant. It seemed to me at the time like my country was finally healing — that we were becoming decent human beings who would love and take care of each other, regardless of color, or sexual orientation, or gender, or other differences. I learned later that Etta James was pissed at Beyonce for singing “At Last” that night, because this is her song. And truthfully, it is. When I played Beyonce’s version for Hubs, he noted that she’s merely copying Etta’s version, not bringing in anything new. I’m not feeling super hopeful about my country right now. But I still feel hopeful and romantic and relieved and grateful to have found happiness with my two old men. So this number works for me.

9. Try a Little Tenderness by Otis Redding

When I was a girl my sister had an album by Otis Redding, and this was hands down my favorite song. I love the idea of a big, strong man being sweet and tender. I love the way he cares about his woman, and wants to make life easier for her. I also liked “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,” of course — everybody did — but the way this song starts slow and picks up, becoming a rocking declaration of love — it hits me. I love the lyrics, too. “You know she’s there waiting, just anticipating, a thing that she’ll never get.” Isn’t that what we’re all doing, all the time? I mean, if you’re thinking of life’s big questions, that’s your perpetual state of mind. Because you will never get the answers. Not definitively. But in the meantime, a sweet lover treating you gently, with tenderness, will ease the pain of that.

10. You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman

Another song from my youth. Aretha. What more can be said? She’s the Queen! If you didn’t see her sing this song at the Carole King tribute at Lincoln Center, with Michelle and Barack in attendance, and Carole King (who wrote it) losing her mind at the pure power and genius of Aretha’s rendition, you are in for an amazing treat. I love her original version, and I love the way she kills it in this video, at age 75. She brings down the fucking house! This song speaks to me in many ways, not least because all this sex I’ve been having with my two old men is making me feel like a beautiful, sexy, desirable, attractive, magnetic, incredible, dynamic, exciting, energetic, magical, and completely natural woman! We women have so much untapped power. Aretha taps it for us. Right here.

What happened next? Read Chronicle of an Open Marriage #36. Find all of my stories about opening our marriage on the list below, or about sex in general on this one. Get an email whenever I publish. And have a dreamy day.