My Brown Neighbor Only Speaks To My White Husband, Not To Me Or Our Mixed Race Children

Summary

A woman in Switzerland faces racial discrimination from her neighbor who only communicates with her white husband and ignores her and their mixed-race children.

Abstract

The author, a woman from Sierra Leone living in Switzerland, recounts her experiences with her neighbor who consistently avoids speaking to her and her mixed-race children, while cordially engaging with her white husband. Despite her initial reluctance to label the neighbor's behavior as racist, a recent incident involving a missed package delivery provided clear evidence of discrimination. The neighbor handed the package directly to the husband without informing the author or her daughter, despite multiple opportunities to do so. This event has led the author to confront the reality of racism in her daily life and consider how her family should respond to such prejudice.

Opinions

The author is troubled by the frosty relationships with neighbors in Switzerland, contrasting it with the warm relationships she experienced in Sierra Leone.
She is hesitant to accuse someone of racism without substantial evidence, indicating a preference for giving the benefit of the doubt.
The author feels that her husband's experience with the neighbor is vastly different from her own due to racial bias.
She believes that as a mixed-race family, they should not engage with individuals who exhibit racist behavior.
The author is disheartened that racism has impacted her even while working from home and is skeptical about the possibility of a world without racism.
She is considering a family discussion to address the neighbor's discriminatory behavior and is open to advice from others on how to handle the situation.

I finally got proof she’s a racist

Photo by Brian Lawson on Unsplash

We’ve lived in this new neighborhood since 2017 and have had very little contact with our neighbors not because we don’t want to. I’ve always struggled with the frosty relationships neighbors have with one another in the west.

Back home in Sierra Leone, while I was growing up, we had excellent relationships with the majority of the people that lived next door. But here, in Switzerland, that has rarely been the case. It’s something that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get used to. Now, to my story.

The other day, I got back from a trip to New York very early on in the day. As I approached our home, I noticed that my neighbor was in her yard. She looked me straight in the eyes. I nodded and just as I was about to say “Good morning”, she turned and walked away. I told myself not to take it personally but realized that this exact scene had happened at least 10 times in the last 5 years.

There was something strange about her behavior but I still didn’t want to say that she was racist. As is often the case, I do not enjoy or want people to be racist. It’s usually the last conclusion that I’ll come to if I find absolutely no explanation for their strange and offputting behavior.

So that meeting with my neighbor was about a month ago. I thought about mentioning it to my husband at the time but forgot.

My daughter is on Fall break this week. To occupy her free time, she has taken to building intricate Lego constructions. To reward her, I decided to buy her another box of Legos last weekend. The company confirmed that we would receive it today, but the delivery man did not come by. Needless to say, my daughter was disappointed because her holiday is soon coming to an end. When my husband got home this evening, he had the delivery package with him. I was surprised and asked where he had picked it up.

“Oh, the neighbor handed it over to me over the fence when I parked the car. She said the delivery man had left it with her because it was raining when he came by”.

My daughter and I looked at my husband in surprise.

We had both been out of the house several times during the day looking for the package. My daughter had actually even met the neighbor when she went out and she didn’t even tell her that she had a package for us. Wow, now this was as clear a message as could possibly be that our neighbor has a problem with me and my mixed-race daughter.

My white husband was very surprised. Of course, he could never have known because I had never shared my suspicions with him. Whenever he was in the yard, she talked to him and so he assumed that she talked with us the same way she talked to him! Indeed, come to think of it, I had never actually met her when I was with my husband so there was no way he would have known that she avoided speaking to me.

I often say that sometimes I just stay home to avoid any type or manner of racist encounter. Today, I worked from home, yet sadly, racism affected me through my neighbor’s actions. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever live in a world where it doesn’t exist.

When one is in an interracial relationship, one sometimes comes across the strangest things. For example, this brown lady is racist to me and my mixed-race children, but not to my husband. As a family, we haven’t quite yet figured out how to deal with this situation and we’re probably all going to have a discussion about it. Ultimately though, I think my husband should not at all engage with this person anymore because as a mixed-race family, we need to sever all ties with racists.

I would love to hear what you think in the comments.

Thank you for reading my perspective.