Mai Provencio is a Saint

My Bride is the Better Human in Our Marriage

One Person in a Relationship is Usually Better Than the Other

My Bride and I have this running joke we’ve kept going since we watched that wonderfully hilarious movie “The Anchorman” together. There’s a part where Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell are getting ready to rumble with a few rival news stations’ reporters.

They start arguing and insulting each other back and forth when one of Ron Burgundary’s coworkers threatens to take Vince Vaughn’s mother out for a nice seafood dinner, and then never call her again. Vince’s character is infuriated and yells, “Dorothy Mantooth is a SAINT, you understand me! Dorothy Mantooth is a SAINT.”

So for the longest time, I’ve used that quote about my Bride and often exclaimed, “Mai Provencio is a SAINT!” in the middle of whatever point I’m trying to make about something she’s done. She’s a hell of a good human being. I feel that she’s on a higher level than most people, including me.

She’ll disagree with me about this every time. Which only reinforces my position that she’s the better human being of the two of us. And that’s ok. There usually has to be one in a relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, there are often very well-matched couples. Sometimes it’s quite close between the two people in a relationship that you’re comparing. We all know those couples where each person is a stellar human being.

Then there are those relationships where one of them is truly a terrible person. Those are the ones where you’re rooting for the good person to leave the horrible one. It’s hard to understand sometimes how such morally different people somehow stay together for extended periods of time. It can be hard to watch.

Though I consider Mai and me to both be kind-hearted, accepting, and caring people, I still give her the title of the better person in our relationship. She’s almost always the more chill, relaxed person between the two of us. If some shit is going down, I’m far more likely to panic or lose my temper. She is more likely to calm herself during times of duress and think things through.

Perhaps that’s her Buddhist faith. I was raised by a conservative Christian pastor father who could lose his temper fairly easily if something bothered him enough. My mother, who like Dorothy Mantooth is also a saint, is far more relaxed about stressful situations, similar to my Bride.

But she did pass along her Irish genetics to me. Between that and my father’s Italian side, I feel I’m fairly predisposed to anger issues.

That’s no excuse to act a fool, however. And to my credit, I’ve improved over the years, in terms of my overall disposition, tendencies toward negativity, and learning not to panic during stressful situations. It’s gotten so much better during the 11 1/2 years Mai and I have been together. She’s been a hell of a good influence on me.

She’s encouraged me to not throw my relationship away with my father entirely. She’s talked me down after he’s made ignorant comments about my gay daughter coming out. While I still said my peace and often in an unkind way, I’ve kept him in my life and we’ve managed to be civil toward each other since then.

Mai is a professional counselor. She’s owned her practice since 2017 and has built it into a success. She credits my encouragement as a big factor in her opening her own practice and building it to the level it’s reached. I’m happy to support her in all things she attempts, especially something so important as caring for other people’s mental health. I tell her that she does the Lord’s Work, if you believe in such a thing.

I also encouraged her to get back into her art which she loves doing. When we first got together, she started working on her artwork again. She created so many amazing pieces and told me that because she was finally happy in a relationship, she was thriving in her art. I love that.

She also pushes herself physically. Mai has been a runner since I met her. She got into running, training, and participating in races and marathons shortly before we met. I sometimes don’t feel like going to the gym to do my easier, middle-aged man workouts. But knowing how hard Mai pushes herself to improve physically motivates me to be healthier, too.

She’s also not afraid to try new things and participate in challenging endeavors. She recently started taking piano lessons for the first time at age 52.

I was so happy for her to attempt something brand new, just because she wanted to learn how to do it. She’s been taking these lessons since April and her improvement is amazing.

After a long day at her practice, the first thing she’ll usually do is sit down at her keyboard and practice the latest piano pieces her teacher has given her. She does such a wonderful job. Her teacher is encouraging and also agrees that she’s picking it up quickly and doing well.

I love how Mai works at things that better her as a human being. If she’s watching streaming programs during her downtime, they are often on the topics of history, mental health, or she’ll watch a documentary that teaches her something. She’s got the edge on me, as I’m usually watching Half-Baked, Superbad, or The 40-Year-Old Virgin while laughing like a goon.

But that’s ok. Watching quite a bit of humorous programming has served me well as a comedy writer and as a person who enjoys laughter so much. We both love nothing more than to bust out a silly joke or say something completely off-the-wall in an attempt to make each other laugh.

I’ll even use humor in my more serious, social justice blogs that I frequently write and publish here on Medium. She has always encouraged me to write my truth and to be 100% authentic in my style. She’s been my biggest supporter and my first fan since I started my Writer’s Journey 19 months ago.

Most spouses or significant others wouldn’t be happy about their person giving up their job or career to become a writer. Many would worry about the household income, even if they themselves were doing well in their career. It’s still financially challenging to operate a household with one solid income while one temporarily decreases substantially.

But she believed in me. She saw how happy I was being a writer. She wanted me to have a fulfilling career and not have to break my back doing carpet cleaning full-time as I’d been doing for over 10 years. Writing made me feel fulfilled and I love the vibe of making a difference in the world.

Now that it’s going well for me, having built a larger following here lately, it’s easier to feel good about myself. I’ve replaced my previous income with my writer’s earnings and I’m so damn proud. But I feel that she is more proud of me than even I am of myself. And I love her for that.

She’d tell you that I did that for her first, six years ago when she opened her new practice. That I was her biggest supporter and cheerleader. And while that’s true, I still feel as though she’s the better one in our relationship. Even if she is quick to disagree with that.

But that’s my Bride. She’s motivated, hard-working, kind, and humble. Though I know I’m observant, insightful, and intelligent, I still see what I see. And I see her as the better human being of the two of us. I admire her, love, and respect the wonderful person she is. &:^)