My Body is Finally Waking to Changing Seasons

After years of stubbornness

I have never once longed for autumn nor wished for summer’s sun and high heat to end until now.

This year, avoiding time in the sun has been crucial. Light sensitivity and dizziness are features of a new round of chemo infusions.

I fainted once when the sun emerged from behind a cloud, a young doctor passing by in his car, took me to a nearby ER where I was cleaned up and scanned.

I grew up in sunny Central California, close to beaches. When I moved to the Pacific Northwest I came to dread fall’s overcast skies and frequent rains,

until now,

when I’m awed by each tree leaf turning from green to red to gold and by jewel-colored dahlias and the traveling shade passing clouds make.

These awakenings seem linked to my aging, and finally accepting, after thirty years, this city that chose me as much as I chose her,

and facing truths about my limitations and how deeply my mind has been stuck.