My Black Friday

Ramblings of a Girl Alone

Sometimes life feels empty, particularly when you are single and not in a relationship and its Friday night and there is a power outage. Moreso, when you have outgrown your circle of friends and there is no sibling or parents around to pass the time with. It is during such moments that the reality of being alone sets in. You realise how lonely you are and your deepest fears begin to manifest. Is it phobia of dying and none the wiser that you have passed on? Or is it the fear of ending up an old maid living in an old peoples home with no family or loved ones to sit by the fire with and tell tales of a life well spent and hardships bygone. It is such times you think deeply about your lot in life and the decisions that led you where you are today and makes you wonder if there ever was a different path to have taken to not be this person you are this moment in time ; a lonely grown ass woman on a lovely friday night. Then you remind yourself that it’s not all your fault, you are among the percentage that tech savvyness has impeded on their social lives and just a little push will be needed to get a life back!Yes, because at this point you feel you dont have a life and may even wish to glossy it up and add a label to your existence; introversion! Are you really an introvert or is it just a fancy term to cover up the fact that you are a social outcast. Is it too hard to admit to yourself at this point that no one wants you around and the effect that so many rejection has had on you is to desist from trying and pretend to like only your own company. When all you ever feel on such nights is a huge gaping void that no amount of binge watching your favourite movies alone can ever fill, or burying your nose in that bestseller novel can ward off. This, because at the end of the day all you want is someone to share the amusement and laughter with. Someone to repeat those catchy lines and phrases with and live out your fantasies with or plan them out. Like a visit to a snowy Alaska or a hiatus on the moon! That one person that becomes yours as family and will never ever leave your side. That comforting presence that would warm the heart and soul in places and ways nothing else would. Whose presence alone can turn my every potential black friday into a blissful and unending one! Crap! Now I know what’s missing and the genesis of these bleak mood and the tightness in my chest is eased. Knowledge is truly power for this knowing alone has armed me in readiness to conquer such emptiness in future fridays or any other black days. Now I look out my windows and the night even doesn’t seem so dark or black or whatever I thought at first, I have managed to douse the emptiness with words expressed in raw and straight from my heart to my notepad. A simple yet effective therapy, to be made more effective by the interaction and claps that gladness my heart which I hope to wake up to next morning. Having hopefully and quite beautifully survived another black Friday as a lonely and company-less soul.