My Biggest Misconception About Gentle Parenting

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Abstract

tachment Parenting (which is a form of Gentle Parenting to me).I’ve always fantasized how my three boys would be happy, calm, and quiet ALL the time if I practice Gentle Parenting. As an Emotional Empath who feels others’ emotions in an intense manner, I struggle so much whenever one or more of my sons argue or fight. I wished that I no longer need to deal with all these upsetting emotions.I grew up believing my intense emotions are not welcome. If I were a boy, I wouldn’t even be allowed to cry. I remember having a very calm and uneventful childhood, which I was grateful for. My parents love and care for me. I couldn’t imagine needing anything else from them.Raising three healthy, active, and expressive sons, and observing how they trigger my parents so much whenever they’re playing loudly or throwing tantrums, made me feel guilty for my sons’ perfectly normal behavior.Then, it hit me.I was looking for a type of parenting that will help me train my sons to be happy, calm, and quiet All the time. They can’t even be joyful if it means they’ll be loud, which will be inconsiderate to other people.I’m so relieved I di

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dn’t succeed!It’s not healthy for kids, or humans in any stage of their growth, to not experience any frustration and anger.It’s part of our normal development for kids to have occasional meltdowns. Even adults have meltdowns to help us cope with our changing realities.The difference is, how we as parents deal with our response to their meltdowns, co-regulate with their nervous systems, and guide them towards holding space for themselves as they mature over time.Back in my childhood, I learned some of my emotions can be too much for others. I was ignored whenever I had intense emotions and welcomed back when I could be calm and happy again. This is where I’m sorely lacking whenever I’m needed to hold space for my kids’ huge emotions.So as I do my best to hold a gentle space for my kids, I’m re-parenting myself by being gentle with ALL of my emotions as they pop up. I need to quiet my inner critic that keeps berating me for being weak or whiny. It’s not easy, but it feels right. I feel ready and much more supported to do it now.May we hold a compassionate space for all emotions within ourselves.</article></body>

Which helped me understand why I need to reparent myself

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to practice Gentle Parenting. It started when I interviewed Sofie Hon on how she managed to maintain a no-punishment culture for her two daughters for the past 15 years. Sofie always looks so calm and joyful, so I thought her daughters must be calm and joyful all the time! My fantasy bubble burst when she shared how her daughters would throw such huge tantrums, and they have their fair share of sibling rivalry as well. Sofie shared so many precious insights during our interview that made me question my original intentions to practice Attachment Parenting (which is a form of Gentle Parenting to me).

I’ve always fantasized how my three boys would be happy, calm, and quiet ALL the time if I practice Gentle Parenting. As an Emotional Empath who feels others’ emotions in an intense manner, I struggle so much whenever one or more of my sons argue or fight. I wished that I no longer need to deal with all these upsetting emotions.

I grew up believing my intense emotions are not welcome. If I were a boy, I wouldn’t even be allowed to cry. I remember having a very calm and uneventful childhood, which I was grateful for. My parents love and care for me. I couldn’t imagine needing anything else from them.

Raising three healthy, active, and expressive sons, and observing how they trigger my parents so much whenever they’re playing loudly or throwing tantrums, made me feel guilty for my sons’ perfectly normal behavior.

Then, it hit me.

I was looking for a type of parenting that will help me train my sons to be happy, calm, and quiet All the time. They can’t even be joyful if it means they’ll be loud, which will be inconsiderate to other people.

I’m so relieved I didn’t succeed!

It’s not healthy for kids, or humans in any stage of their growth, to not experience any frustration and anger.

It’s part of our normal development for kids to have occasional meltdowns. Even adults have meltdowns to help us cope with our changing realities.

The difference is, how we as parents deal with our response to their meltdowns, co-regulate with their nervous systems, and guide them towards holding space for themselves as they mature over time.

Back in my childhood, I learned some of my emotions can be too much for others. I was ignored whenever I had intense emotions and welcomed back when I could be calm and happy again. This is where I’m sorely lacking whenever I’m needed to hold space for my kids’ huge emotions.

So as I do my best to hold a gentle space for my kids, I’m re-parenting myself by being gentle with ALL of my emotions as they pop up. I need to quiet my inner critic that keeps berating me for being weak or whiny. It’s not easy, but it feels right. I feel ready and much more supported to do it now.

May we hold a compassionate space for all emotions within ourselves.