THE NARRATIVE ARC | LOVE IS LOVE

My Best Friend Helped Me Maneuver the Pitfalls of Life

Kindred spirits, my bestie, my BFF, my ride-or-die

It didn’t take long for Suzanne and me to realize we were sympatico, like two peas in a pod my mom used to say. We were cut from the same cloth. We were both shy and introverted. Just waiting for a chance to shine one day.

Our paths would cross occasionally as we had some of the same classes in school. When we started high school we had tenth grade French class together but we didn’t really acknowledge each other. That would come the following semester.

When I started dating her friend, Suzanne and I got to know each other a little better. But it was when her friend and I broke up, she and I became fast friends. We shared the same unique sense of humor and could always make each other laugh. We still can.

We shared the highs and lows of high school as we tried to navigate this period of discovery. When we found ourselves in eleventh-grade English class together we became even closer. Spending many of our classes in the reading carols at school. We would gossip about friends and share our fears and frustrations and our dreams for the future instead of reading our books for our book reports. That was the first and only English class I ever failed, while she consistently got high marks.

We hung out together at school and after classes Suzanne would often come home with me on the school bus, and we’d go down to my parent’s wood-paneled basement and watch TV together. Always the Brady Bunch, although she also got me hooked on her favorite soap operas, General Hospital and All My Children.

Sometimes we’d read without speaking much, but just being together. Sidney Sheldon, Stephen King, Danielle Steele. One summer we immersed ourselves in the John Jake “Kent Family Chronicles,” a series of eight novels set during the American Revolution. They gave us a glimpse into U.S. history. It was familiar but at the same time foreign to this Canadian boy, and it was all fascinating.

We’d lay out on sun lounge chairs in my parent’s backyard, reading our paperbacks and only stopping to comment on the characters or a development in the storyline.

Suzanne was so shy that initially, while she would accept my mom‘s invitation to dinner, she didn’t want to join my parents at the dinner table. I think my mom saw some of herself in Suzanne’s shyness so she filled a big wooden serving tray with our dinners. She’d call me upstairs to bring it down so we could eat while watching TV and playing backgammon.

We were obsessed with backgammon. I had a beautiful set in a brown leather case that opened up to the felt-covered brown and beige backgammon board. We spent hours playing that game, which is also when we would have our heart-to-heart talks.

After dinner, we’d watch a bit more TV before her dad came to pick her up. She lived several miles away on a huge acreage with horses, dogs, and lots of cats. Her dad would have to be her transportation and he never seemed to mind. But when he was away on a road trip she couldn’t come over unless I borrowed my parent’s car to drive her home. Her dad was a traveling shoe salesman, selling high-end, famous shoe brands to stores across Alberta and British Columbia in Western Canada. So he was away a lot.

Suzanne always drew a very definite line in the sand when it came to anything more. We were not boyfriend and girlfriend, we never would be. I had to either accept her friendship or move on. She didn’t want anyone to think we were a couple. Once I accepted that, we became inseparable.

My high school girlfriends knew about Suzanne and how important she was to me. And it was the same with her boyfriends. Sometimes that resulted in a bit of jealousy that boiled over, but luckily it never came to blows.

In twelfth grade, Suzanne got permission to hold a party with a bonfire in the back pasture. People could park there, blasting their music from their jacked-up cars and pickup trucks. These bush parties were occasionally keggers which meant someone would bring a keg or two of beer. The first couple of these parties were fun, but they became too big. All of the coolest kids were there, which meant my bullies might show up.

Bush parties were notorious for bad behavior. They were loud and rowdy and couples were making out in cars or the bushes. Sometimes a fight broke out. My stomach would always be in knots.

There was also a lot of alcohol, weed, and sometimes other intoxicants. Since I didn’t like to drink, I’d smoke and get high, which sometimes amplified my paranoia. I’m not sure she realized at the time why I didn’t want to party.

We were each other’s dates for graduation prom since we were both single at the time. She had to go to the Grad bush parties without me though.

We were together almost daily through high school and then off and on in the years after. We were not dating or having sex. But we still loved each other. I know that my mom held out hope that we would one day fall in love and get married. She couldn’t understand how a boy and a girl could be so close.

She was already a part of the family and fit right in. My niece even named her daughter after Suzanne.

Her mom, who was flamboyant and well-known in the city, owned a fashion jewelry store in downtown Edmonton that was a favorite of the city’s drag queens in the mid to late seventies. They loved the rhinestone earrings, necklaces, and tiaras. I would help out my friend sometimes at the store when she was working there. It was my first exposure to Edmonton’s LGBTQ+ community. I thought her mom was so unconventional and cool.

I spent vacations with her family in Hawaii and Hong Kong. She spent holidays with my family, including Christmas one year.

It has been a gift to know someone for so long, now almost fifty years. Few people know me as well as she does. We’ve been through family highs and lows together.

We’ve gone through sicknesses together, as well as those of our friends, our partners, and our parents. She arrived at my home in Toronto just hours before I learned my father had passed away suddenly. She had flown in for a short vacation, from her home in Los Angeles where she was a flight attendant. She was beside me when I needed her the most.

Unfortunately, distance, time, and circumstances kept us apart in the years that followed, when both of her parents and my mother became sick and passed away. It was a fear we had often shared when we were younger. We couldn’t imagine how we’d ever survive without our parents, who we both had strong relationships with. I think we knew that we would always have each other.

We now live several time zones apart but we have stayed close. Texts, emails, and messenger have worked for updates but there’s nothing like a phone call or better still a face-to-face meeting.

When we are together now it is never enough. We pick up where we last left off like it was yesterday. We are teenagers again laughing and sharing our most intimate secrets.

There’s something about knowing I always have my best friend just a phone call away, always there with unconditional love and support to get me through any crisis or to celebrate every accomplishment and happiness.

It’s truly the greatest love of all.

Thank you for reading.