My Best Friend During Desolate Times

We both feel the same way

“A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.”

– Unknown

There was a time in my daughter’s late teens when we called the police to our house.

I have read story after story about how mothers and daughters can never be best friends. If you had asked me back then if this were true, I would have said yes.

My daughter was out of control, and we prayed for her daily. We wanted to kick her out. We put part of her belongings on our front porch and called the police. It was mainly to scare her!

Beyond those circumstances, I can’t even tell you the details that transpired to bring us to such desperate measures.

Because in my lifetime, as being a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, grandma, sister, cousin, aunt, and a friend, I have developed a superpower. It’s the ability to forgive and most definitely forget!

I can understand why some might think that you cannot be best friends with your daughter. However, I feel there comes a time when you can!

Younger years

I went through a divorce when my daughter was only five years old. Nothing changed too much; if anything, our bond became even tighter.

When my daughter was growing up, we did everything together. We would go to many different parks, swim almost every day in the summertime, enjoy story time at home and through the library, try to ice and roller skate, and do gymnastics. We enjoyed many art classes and baking together.

We used to play Barbies for hours at a time. She would even come to work with me. I was a home daycare provider, nanny and preschool teacher, so she didn’t really have a choice.

When I got married for the second time in Kauai, she was a mini-me. We called her a mini-bride; she was nine years old at the time.

My husband gave her a heart-shaped locket with a picture of him and me inside during our wedding ceremony. Everyone cried like babies.

Although my daughter and I were inseparable, as a mom, I always made it clear to her that I loved her but that I was not her best friend. I must have read one too many of those self-help books that said, your child must know this fact.

I must have spoken these words so often to her that a wedge indeed was formed. It crushes my heart even to share these words that I had said for so many years, “I’m not your best friend; I’m your mother!”

I’m writing this hoping that another mother or father, for that matter, will not make the same mistake as me. Can you imagine a parent saying these words to you?

Well, my best friend, after over thirty years, called it quits in the middle of the pandemic, and I was crushed. I can’t imagine how my daughter was left feeling for so many years!

“A daughter is God’s way of saying, ‘thought you could use a lifelong friend.’”

– Unknown

Young adult years

My daughter is twenty-nine, and although we have genuinely had some beyond challenging times, we can both say we are each other’s best friends.

I believe as much as the pandemic has put distance or a wedge in many relationships, my daughter and I continue to grow closer and closer.

So, there does come a time when a mother and daughter can become best friends. I indeed believe this in spite of what some might say.

I believe my daughter was meant to be a gift during these challenging times for such a time as this.

She and my grandson live in a cozy apartment, and I watch my grandson when she has to work. I tell my grandson that he’s my bestie, yet believe me, he is well aware of timeouts and we have our special bond, just like my daughter and I did.

The best part is my grandson will never hear those words that I had spoken to my daughter due to reading those parenting books. I honestly thought I was doing the best thing for my daughter at the time.

What will tomorrow bring

I believe we can be best friends with our children. Why would it be any different than from our spouse? My spouse is my best friend too.

However, I firmly believe in the proper discipline and having boundaries set in place.

My grandson and I have a blast together. I hope to be the coolest grandma in his eyes always.

A mom must not have written the books that say your daughter can’t be your best friend or they didn’t have a daughter at a mature age of living on their own.

“Parent-child relationships are complex. Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love.”

– Janet Lanese

I’m thankful for the day when discipline could stop, and she was living on her own. For this is when we could become best friends genuinely forever.

Best friends don’t discipline each other. However, we don’t need to let our children know that they’re not exactly our best friends when they’re younger by spewing out unkind words. What is your experience with this topic?

Thank you Trista Signe Ainsworth for your loving publication, prompts, and team at Thank You Notes.

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