My Appropriate Reply To An Inappropriate Response To My Response’s Response

Adam-Henry alert!

Dear Henry,

Thank you for your kind response to my response (comment) to someone else’s story. Sometimes we call a response to a response a reply, but that would ruin the title of this article. So...

While I appreciate your offer to “promote the store to large organ view with a killing strategy,” I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.

Further, posting a marketing link, if that is what this is, in a story’s response violates the fundamental and possibly written, or maybe unwritten, rules of professionalism associated with this platform.

Besides the above, your invitation to “contact me through my link to calm a perfect marketing strategy for my store” won’t work for several reasons. Allow me to list them in one of my semi-notorious listicles:

1. I don’t click on unsolicited links. Dude, what the fuck century do you live in?
2. I don’t like it when people or bots or whatever you are, drop links and solicitations in responses. You have one follower... ONE! You haven’t earned your chops, yet, on this platform and, even if you had a million followers, DON’T DROP LINKS IN RESPONSES!
3. I don’t own a store. But if I did, it would already be successful and, if I was going to use a marketer, it wouldn’t be someone who wrote bad copy.
4. The response you responded to had nothing to do with “stores” or “marketing.” Pet Peeve alert! Danger!
5. The article whose comments you so brazenly invaded with your poorly written marketing proposal had nothing to do with stores or marketing. It may not have been my article, but it WAS my response.
6. I don’t need to promote my “large organ view,” thank you. My organ is large enough. It promotes itself every time I wear my Speedo in public. (Yes, I know that was an obvious retort, but hey, it’s me.)
7. I don’t want to “calm a perfect marketing strategy.” If anything, I’d want to roil it up!
8. Your poorly written/edited marketing solicitation would have turned me off even if it was well-written. Bad placement, bad timing, and bad marketing strategy! And you, claiming to be a “professional.”
9. “YOU” are not a “professional website.” Your website might be. I dunno because I didn’t follow your link. Further, even if you are an AI, you are not a “you”, you are a thing!
10. And, one more to make it an even ten, Stop this Now! No one on here appreciates this type of behavior.

Now, begone you scurrilous dog, and never let me hear from you again!

Below is the actual solicitation, minus the link:

“HELLO, I am a professional shopify design website to promote the store to large organ view with a killing strategy kindly contact me through my link to calm a perfect marketing strategy for your store,”

Charles Roast is a world-renowned author and lover who has a worldwide list of followers and lovers from around the world. He is loved and followed by many and envied by all who follow and love him.