My Anxiety Spiked During My Productivity Detox

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st run a 10k, my hands were shaking and I was cold-sweating.</p><p id="f3f5"><b>Then the thoughts followed. The lies.</b></p><p id="92cc"><i>I’m not good enough. I’m the only one who doesn’t have it together. I don’t deserve to rest. I should be doing something productive. If I take time off, I’ll fall behind on my goals.</i></p><p id="725d" type="7">Anxiety is like an overbearing relative that has only one goal in mind: to keep you safe from danger.</p><p id="3d27">So while I was wired for months, constantly thinking about the next deadline and juggling seemingly never-ending to-do lists, Aunt Anxiety was there to keep me going. She nudged me along, reminding me of the consequences of not meeting my deadlines. But as soon as I slowed down, she took over and over-activated my fear response.</p><p id="a5ae">During the first week of my winter vacation, I felt completely irrational. Being with loved ones felt unsafe. I felt inadequate. I felt worried. New experiences that I had looked forward to suddenly felt too risky. I retreated.</p><h1 id="475c">What helped?</h1><p id="b0db">Admitting to myself that I was having a normal response after months of being overly-stimulated was the first step to calming down.</p><p id="d725">I found myself uttering these words to my partner: “I feel worried for no reason at all.” Not mentioning Aunt Anxiety by name took the power out of her hands, yet we both knew what I was referring to. I got him to feel my pulse. Just sharing how I felt took the weight off my shoulders.</p><p id="2377">An ice-plunge, some time in nature, and a good night’s sleep later I felt soothed, back in my body, and ready to finally start the winter holiday I waited for.</p><p id="9448">As soon as the physical symptoms and the compulsive nega

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tive self-talk had eased, I felt grateful for this episode. I had a chance to use the tools and strategies I have been acquiring for the past decade to successfully reign in my anxiety.</p><p id="6544">I’m inclined to find a big takeaway in this story, but I think it’s just this: for those of us living with generalized anxiety disorder, anxiety comes and goes. Some days it can be crippling. Some days it can take us by surprise and show up when we least expect it — like the first day of a promising break.</p><p id="2702">It would be great to have a cure or a one-size-fits-all solution for anxiety attacks, but the truth is there isn’t one. Medication and therapy are the first line of action, of course. But we can also find our own individual combinations of tricks and remedies to alleviate anxiety and hopefully make these episodes as passing as headaches or indigestion.</p><p id="392d"><i>Medium is full of thought-provoking writing. You access all of it for $5/month by signing up <a href="/@alinavrabie/membership">here</a>. I’ll make a small commission if you sign up using this link. Win-win!</i></p><div id="a4b3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@alinavrabie/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Alina Vrabie</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*dVS01pk7eCK3F0hS)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

And I’m weirdly thankful for that

November and December 2021 were a whirlwind. I found myself constantly busy, in a way that I hadn’t been in months. I usually try my best to lead a balanced life, but this time around I knew I just had to power through. The things I love and deeply enjoy — like writing, yoga, and spending time outdoors — had to fall by the wayside for a while.

By the last week of December, things started to slow down. The freelance project I was working on came to an end, and I wrapped things up at my teaching day job for winter break. Finally, it was time to relax and let go of responsibilities.

I was looking forward to this downtime — slower days with no job requirements, no meetings, and no deadlines. It was going to be my time to kick back and wind down. A true productivity detox.

Yet instead of feeling that deep sense of relaxation I was yearning for, my anxiety started to act up as soon as I found myself with no pressing matters on my hands.

The physical symptoms started first, as I sat down for a long breakfast on my first day off in months. My heart started pounding as if I had just run a 10k, my hands were shaking and I was cold-sweating.

Then the thoughts followed. The lies.

I’m not good enough. I’m the only one who doesn’t have it together. I don’t deserve to rest. I should be doing something productive. If I take time off, I’ll fall behind on my goals.

Anxiety is like an overbearing relative that has only one goal in mind: to keep you safe from danger.

So while I was wired for months, constantly thinking about the next deadline and juggling seemingly never-ending to-do lists, Aunt Anxiety was there to keep me going. She nudged me along, reminding me of the consequences of not meeting my deadlines. But as soon as I slowed down, she took over and over-activated my fear response.

During the first week of my winter vacation, I felt completely irrational. Being with loved ones felt unsafe. I felt inadequate. I felt worried. New experiences that I had looked forward to suddenly felt too risky. I retreated.

What helped?

Admitting to myself that I was having a normal response after months of being overly-stimulated was the first step to calming down.

I found myself uttering these words to my partner: “I feel worried for no reason at all.” Not mentioning Aunt Anxiety by name took the power out of her hands, yet we both knew what I was referring to. I got him to feel my pulse. Just sharing how I felt took the weight off my shoulders.

An ice-plunge, some time in nature, and a good night’s sleep later I felt soothed, back in my body, and ready to finally start the winter holiday I waited for.

As soon as the physical symptoms and the compulsive negative self-talk had eased, I felt grateful for this episode. I had a chance to use the tools and strategies I have been acquiring for the past decade to successfully reign in my anxiety.

I’m inclined to find a big takeaway in this story, but I think it’s just this: for those of us living with generalized anxiety disorder, anxiety comes and goes. Some days it can be crippling. Some days it can take us by surprise and show up when we least expect it — like the first day of a promising break.

It would be great to have a cure or a one-size-fits-all solution for anxiety attacks, but the truth is there isn’t one. Medication and therapy are the first line of action, of course. But we can also find our own individual combinations of tricks and remedies to alleviate anxiety and hopefully make these episodes as passing as headaches or indigestion.

Medium is full of thought-provoking writing. You access all of it for $5/month by signing up here. I’ll make a small commission if you sign up using this link. Win-win!