My American (Pipe) Dream
Is life in America truly a dream come true for every Immigrant? Is this truly a land of the free?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, said Lao Tzu. My journey of 8500 miles, started on an airplane, in the early 90s.
By personal choice I left India, my birth home, to come to the West Coast of America. My little knowledge of this country came from movies, books, and MTV (unapologetically). America has some of the top Universities in the world and that was a huge influencing factor as well.
The land of the free and home of the brave?
Says “The Star-Spangled Banner”, the national anthem of the United States. Yes, I did come here for freedom, nothing spectacular, just freedom from Indian family traditions. It was the underlying reason for moving halfway across the globe, to an alien country.
A country that literally calls its immigrant population, ‘Resident Aliens’.
Irrespective of this odd label, millions swarm to their local U.S. embassy for a chance to enter America and call it home.
I was unwittingly part of this statistic.
I had no long-term plans of becoming an American citizen but as years rolled by and life sunk deeper roots, I adopted this country as my own.
Why? The answer still eludes me, as I grapple with confusing thoughts of not belonging here, despite living here for 25 years.
The recent disconcerting political events, poorly handled pandemic, social isolation, and senseless shootings, have led many immigrant citizens, like me, to reflect on our life in America.
I’m not alone in saying, this dark side of America, was not the dreamland anyone of us envisioned.
Despite living here for over 2 decades, I often contemplate a U-turn to India or another warm-cultured Asian country. I candidly advise friends and family back home to ‘think-thrice’ before coming here for permanent settlement.
The reasons I list here, are based on my personal experience and do not reflect a majority opinion but nevertheless beckon consideration.
1. Large homes, big cars, and even bigger stores are all dwarfed by social isolation
It’s a behemoth country, three times the size of India, with huge homes, big cars, super-sized food portions (and people), and massive theme parks. However, its super-sized everything is dwarfed by the enormous social isolation most people face here.
Lack of social bonds, small (or no) family, declining birth rate, high divorce rates, and an aging population, all spell LONELINESS, especially as one grows older. Thus, it is no surprise that many Asians/Indians go back or keep a second home in Asia as plan B for retirement.
2. Live by a clock lifestyle
Twenty-five years of living on a schedule Monday to Friday, repeating the mundane routine day after day, year after year, simply wears you down.
All our social engagements and fun activities are strictly for the weekend and rarely do we entertain friends or neighbors on a weeknight.
We live our daily life on a routine, raise our kids on a routine, and plan every weekend as a routine. Sounds exhausting, right?
This land of ‘freedom’ has its people chained to a rigid routine.
No wonder its residents top the charts for high rates of depression, stress, addictions, and a warped work-life balance.
P.S. No one tells you this when you’re standing in line at the U.S. embassy for your Visa or Green Card.
3. Mountains of dishes and loads of laundry
Our family enjoys freshly cooked meals, thrice a day. More cooking means, more dirty dishes to clean. So my resume, among other professional accomplishments, boasts of 25 years of dish-washing experience.
There comes a time when you stop spending money on manicures, with a sullen thought that it will wear off by the 2nd day of dishwashing.
True, we have huge dishwashers and use them liberally. Except, try fitting all the Indian cooking utensils in these contraptions designed for plates, cutlery, and flatware. Even for the most tactful of us, there’s the back-breaking routine of loading and unloading the dishwasher daily.
Who will do the dishes? This is the number one reason, many of us shy away from entertaining at home.
To add, it’s not uncommon to attend parties that end with guests helping the host family with washing and stowing the dishes.
Why is this such a big deal?
Well, India has affordable daily helpers, that clean the house, do laundry, and wash your dishes for a monthly charge. For example, the $100 I pay for my weekly cleaning service here, can get me a daily helper in India for a month.

4. Did I hear freshly cooked food?
I modestly considered myself a good cook that loves to whip up new dishes, till it became a daily chore, thrice daily, seven days a week.
Over the decades, just the thought of planning and cooking family meals drives me up the wall.
On rare occasions, when we receive a dinner invitation from friends, we’ve learned to graciously decline.
Why?
Over time, we’ve realized most folks completely lack culinary skills, or end up serving, warmed-up refrigerated, left-over food (It’s quite normal).
Then there’s the other set of American friends, that rarely cook. Their dinner invitations are simple, let’s meet at a restaurant and split the check. Which turns out to be the better option for both sides, sans the dishwashing.
5. Insurance for everything!
Yes, everything we own or acquire in this country is backed by a hefty insurance premium, be it your home, your car, your business, your health, or your life. It’s a must-have rainy-day coverage that adds up to a neat ransom. A ransom based on sheer fear.
6. Do I really fit in?
I came here at a young enough age to mold myself into the American lifestyle, but not entirely. Be it corporate events, business gatherings, or social get-togethers, there is a gap in fitting in with the people who were born here.
If you’re not into American baseball, football, daily soaps, and the left-and right-wing political chatter, you feel left out and stretched to the limit of your small talk.
7. The space between us and the parents
The heftiest price we pay for crossing the geographical boundary of Asia is the gap between our loved ones.
The parents and family left behind live too far away. When they visit us, most parents feel dependent and isolated, especially as we follow a regimented lifestyle.
My parents have never enjoyed their trips to the U.S. None of the shopping sprees at the mall, or riding in fancy cars on nice roads, could hide their longing for social connections, delicious Indian food, and the warmth of our Asian culture.
I have been lucky to visit India more often than most people do, but as family responsibilities increase, it is difficult to take those yearly trips. For anyone planning to move here, or send their children here, please remember this ‘intrinsic cost’ of the enormous space between you and your loved ones.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, not true. With time the distance simply blurs the emotional bonds at both ends.
8. The world has caught up
Back in the day, people looked up to America for its civic amenities, good roads, clean air, and large lifestyle. Not anymore, as the rest of the world is quickly catching up.
When I left India, there were no palatial malls, metros, or major express highways. Now every time I visit, I can’t help but notice, how rapidly the country is growing and developing.
What’s the solution?
That’s a million-dollar question with no easy answer.
By the time the 1st immigrant generation realizes they want to head back to their birthland, their second ‘born-in-the-USA’ generation, takes the ice bucket and douses the flame. After all, this is their homeland now.
As parents, you are pulled between your past and your children’s future. You continually weigh the pros and cons and realize that your head and heart are diabolically opposed.
This hot topic of “Should we stay here or move back”, rules your interactions with other immigrant friends. Like crabs in a bucket, they pull you down to stay on in America, chained to your daily lifestyle in the World’s Largest Economy.
Over time, you learn to make peace with your present. You willfully denounce the Asian dream, by thinking of all the mosquitoes and pollution there, and carry on living your ‘I am self-made’, American (Pipe) Dream.