My 20s Were Littered With Silly Mistakes

Some cost me dearly, but worth the lessons learned

I have a weird way of calculating my age — I end things when the year ends.

Thus I’ll be 30 on December 31, rather than in September when my actual birthday came around. But looking back, where did my twenties go? How did I blaze through them without blinking?

It doesn’t matter. All those years have come and gone, and I can’t take them back. I guess that’s part of life. I’m grateful for all the experiences I picked up this decade. Never mind that most of these came through mistakes.

When I look at the decade inching to a close, these mistakes stand the tallest.

I didn’t know who I wanted

Okay, it’s not like anyone expected me to find my partner for life at 21, tie the knot the following year, and live happily ever after. Even I didn’t give myself that chance.

But I also didn’t know the kind of partner I really wanted. Little surprise then, that I couldn’t nail anyone down for most of the decade. It was a revolving door of one bad relationship after another.

Was it me? Was it them? No one knew for sure, though I’d suspect it was more about the former.

But over the last two years, all the turbulence has settled down. I’ve been more deliberate with my ideal partner.

More importantly, I’m molding myself into a better man, a better role model for kids around me, a better uncle, and the best dad when that time comes.

By no means am I the finished article, but I like my progress, and I love my chances today than, say, three years ago.

I thought I could have it all in my career

Upon graduating, I was so spoiled for choice I didn’t know which branch of my industry to perch on and build my career nest.

As a real estate professional, I had land administration, property management, asset management, real estate finance, real estate brokerage, and property appraisal, to name a few, competing for my interests.

Then there are some distant cousins like urban planning, Geo-information systems (GIS), spatial planning, sustainable development, construction technology, and project management.

I figured I could make a name for myself in all these branches. It meant I tried them on like shoes in a boutique. Before long, the options overwhelmed me; I found it hard to pick a field and stay glued.

For context, I applied for postgraduate studies in real estate finance, urban management, spatial planning, construction project management, and sustainable development in one academic year. I even thought about an MBA, but thankfully said no.

Yes, the program combination of some universities accounted for that, but no one can pack all these interests at a goal.

While three of them granted me unconditional offers, picking one came down to the fees and language of instruction, more so than a burning interest in one area over the rest.

While I dallied, COVID spiked, and borders slammed. I also closed that chapter.

Then the life of creating online came in. I’ve been a photographer for five years now. I’ve also been writing online for three years. Now, I’m shifting my attention to real estate-related writing. I can see a chasm in that field, and I’ve almost finished setting up a writing agency to fill that need.

Trying the many career paths slowed me down, considering the lofty standards I have of myself.

But I’m happy to have tested these options and found what works best for me. Now, I know exactly where I’m going. I’m blessed to have enjoyed those luxuries.

I know many who struggled for jobs and had to take whatever fell into their laps.

Addictions always spell trouble

At times, I sought to be the coolest kid on the block. I was abreast of all the tech trends; I could club everyone within earshot, proving to them how much I knew. Okay, I was addicted to tech and gadgets.

I enjoyed talking shop about the latest iPhones and android releases and the iOS v Android debates. I loved the smartphone camera comparisons and display panel nit-picking.

Also, starting the FIFA v PES comparisons and X-box v PS debates was fun for me. That people saw me as an expert was always a warm feeling. But it wasn’t all plain sailing.

I thought (wrongly) putting myself in that position meant I couldn’t stay behind in the latest gadgets. Unforced pressures! More reckless spending and flipping the latest gear.

It took me too long to realize no one cared what gadget I used. And those who did, well, didn’t care as much as I thought.

I could have even started a blog or YouTube channel on those topics in a different environment. Who knows what could have come out of it?

Nice guys (don’t) finish last

I never wanted to get into anyone’s bad books. And I spent way too much time and effort chasing those targets. A time waster, I dare say. As hard as I tried, I still realized things didn’t always work out that way.

Then I threatened to go over to the other side and become mean to everyone in my way. I showed glimpses and lost a few friends along the way.

Looking back has revealed to me how futile those efforts were. You neither have to be nice nor rude. There’s a place to be firm, laid-back, or vulnerable. You only need to learn how to read situations better.

I was always conceited

As far as I was concerned, I was right at all times. Or at least most of the time. Yes, that’s how I thought. Sometimes, I was bang on the money; most times, I was miles off the mark.

It was never a pretty sight when I came across a few people like me. How we made peace still baffled me. Were they keeping from hurting my feelings? Did they want to wait and tell me I told you so? Probably.

Over time, I grew to see my errant ways. And I’ve been learning from them since. Now, I’m all about “let’s agree to disagree.” I embrace perspective-taking more. I’m open to trading ideas, amending my ways, and the little things that foster teamwork.

Family has been the strongest pillar

I’ve had a supportive family where you weren’t forced to toe any line because your parents or grandparents pursued a certain career. And there was no pressure to outdo your cousins or neighbors’ kids.

Also, having a family allowed me to take risks, knowing if anything went wrong, I could always fall back on someone for some near-term support until I got back on my feet.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to go that far. But that peace of mind was truly immense.

Further, there were people to take up some of the financial slack if an emergency arose.

I know some colleagues who became the de facto breadwinners for their households straight out of college. Paying the rent and fees of younger siblings dented their accounts.

I’m grateful I didn’t have to do any of that. And I have my family to thank.

Sadly, I have no clear takeaways for you, dear reader.

For one, we’re so different, living in unique systems with separate rules. Trying too hard to feed lessons to you based on my experiences will be, well, trying too hard. It doesn’t work that way.

Secondly, I know many people have already gone past their twenties. And I don’t know how much of these experiences apply to them. Anyway, for me, my 30s are a decade of action.

I can’t wait to flip the calendar to 2023 for some action.

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