Summary

The article discusses a newfound method for coping with nostalgia and the emotional complexities of settling into a new country, emphasizing the importance of willingness and acceptance over time alone.

Abstract

The author shares a personal journey of dealing with nostalgia after migrating from their hometown, which is experiencing tumultuous times. Through conversations with a friend who also migrated, the author explores the multifaceted pain of nostalgia and the challenges of feeling settled in a new place. The article suggests that beyond the passage of time, a conscious willingness to integrate into the new society is crucial. It also touches on the discomfort of transformation, the heartache of watching one's city decline, and the decision to leave as an act of self-preservation rather than choice. The author finds solace in using Google Earth's 3D version to revisit memories of their hometown, which helps to alleviate the sadness of nostalgia. The narrative concludes with the idea of moving forward, comparing the past to an old lover and the new land to a new crush, advocating for the dismantling of emotional walls to embrace new experiences.

Opinions

The author believes that time alone is insufficient for settling into a new country; willingness to engage with the new environment is essential.
There is a shared sentiment with the author's friend that one may never fully belong to their hometown again after leaving.
The article conveys a sense of disconnection and loss due to the irreversible situation in the author's hometown, which is likened to a loved one on life support.
The author expresses that staying in the hometown would have led to an inevitable downfall, implying that leaving was a necessary decision for survival and growth.
The convenience of technology is acknowledged but is also seen as falling short of fully bridging the emotional gap caused by physical distance.
The author reveals a personal coping mechanism for nostalgia using Google Earth, which provides a free and emotional way to reconnect with the past.
The article suggests that holding onto the past is akin to being bound by a previous romantic relationship, and moving on is compared to developing a new love interest.
The author advocates for trust in the universe's arrangements, implying a belief in a greater purpose behind life's events and the importance of stepping forward to understand the past.

ONE newfound method — for handling bouts of nostalgia

#Moving on Through the Past

We all struggle from time to time.

Nostalgia is painful, and the pain is multi-faceted.

I had talked to my best friend, N, this week. who had migrated to Canada. We were alike for most of the years. From the moment we began school (same secondary school, same university), we were placed firmly onto the conveyor belt of life — the wheels are preset in motion, and our out-fate was sealed.

We refused to be the moulded products churned out in the factory, so we both us migrated. More importantly, our home is in constant of tumult and she fell from the prestigious pedestal. We could not live in a city with truncated autonomy.

Back to N, she is entwined by incessant bits and bobs in Toronto, and she texted me a question:

“When will I truly feel settled in this place?”

I was lying on my bed when I heard the ‘ding’ sound from my signal notification. I frowned immediately and unconsciously as this question was the one I kept asking myself. It hits me like a bullet shot directly in my chest. Painful.

and I replied N:

“What if you would never feel settled?”

Time matters or willingness matters?

I pondered over and further developed the reply that I had made to N.

Perhaps settling ourselves into a new country is not merely about time. Time alone would not let us immerse into the new place —

It requires willingness.

We have to understand, most of the people are not ready to be unplugged by the old system, many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, they even fight to protect their comfort zone. But we all know the greatest time of our hometown has faded, unwittingly.

Yet, we are glad that we took the bold step of jumping off the cliff, quitting the old game, and entering the new system. There has been a peculiar transformation in between — Discomfort.

Is it we lack the strong willingness to blend into the new society? Or is it simply we have not fully accepted the best part of our lives in our city has gone already?

N told me one more thing, and it still lingers in my mind:

“Once you left your hometown, you will not 100% belong to the place, anymore in life.”

In all honesty, it’s true.

The helplessness towards love might gnaw away your happiness from within.

The situation in our hometown is not reversible. It is not on the brink of collapse — it has already collapsed.

It is dire.

I always tell N a metaphor to express how disheartening life in our homeland is:

Just imagine your father, mother, or the person you love lying on a sickbed, requiring resuscitation and intubation before being transferred to the intensive care unit with breathing aids. And you could do nothing about it, just sitting at the bedside, peeling off tangerines for them, but having no clue when they would wake up and be able to taste it.

The feeling of watching a flower withering day after day is heart-wrenching, let alone the city that brought you up and gave you the best memories. It is too self-sabotaging.

The everyday news were filtered and misinformed. I got tired of chewing rancor and in silence, so I decided to leave.

Emotionally and rationally, it is a difficult choice. However, if we chose to stay, we would all inevitably drown and perish on the sinking boat.

But, if we take a closer look —

There is actually no choice.

Standing alone is hard

My father always mentioned triumphantly that technological advancements have shortened the distance among people.

“Son! You can use facetime to connect with your friends aren’t you?! What are you fretting about!?”

Dad did not say it wrong, but he did not say it right.

The convenience of using electronic gadgets is impeccable. However, the energy of my friends and families through the little piece of device could never be fully transmitted. Moreover, seems now it requires arduous effort to collaboratively experience “something” together due to different physical locations and time zones. I wish to experience more in life with my friends, whether it be trivial matters or big goals.

N also comforted me when I felt down during the cold, gloomy, seemingly-endless winter:

“We migrated. The trajectory of our lives with our old friends in homeland is no longer aligned. We have taken different runways. Therefore, there are no points of comparison.”

I miss them (i.e. to feel sad that a person or thing is not present).

and I missed them (i.e. to fail to do or experience something).

The universe gave me the coping method

Recently, I bought an iPad for teaching, and I unexpectedly discovered a way to cope with nostalgia by serendipity.

That is google earth, the 3D version.

Just plug in few single keywords in the searching panel and it will take you to wherever you want in a second.

I tried entering “Discovery Bay”, “Tsim Sha Tsui”, “Kennedy Town”, “Ma On Shan” and more. These places hold some of my sweetest memories. I grew up here and my solid character were built at the same time, which permeated all aspect of my life to these current days.

As 15 mins , 30 mins, and 1 hour passed by… I looked at the virtually constructed landscape, feeling like it had transported me back to 2009. I could see my younger self wandering in this beautiful city, surrounded by laughter that filled the air.

The app is completely free of charge. It does not cost anything — perhaps a few drops of tears.

I always feel relieved when zooming in and out of different places on the app. It unravels the sadness brought by nostalgia magically.

It’s time to move on, even if you may shamble along the path

The pain of nostalgia is intermittent.

It feels like you are bridled and tethered by your past romantic relationship. You slouched. You unable to escape the visceral pain.

Toting around the emotional wall is not only draining for the person toting it around, maybe it is also exhausting for anyone who wants to be let inside but does not have the “ever-changing” password.

Perhaps my hometown could be likened to my old lover, while this new land could be depicted as my new crush.

Perhaps it is about time for me to chisel some of the wall down — to emancipate myself and embrace the new love.

Final thoughts

Trust the arrangement from the universe. It might not be what you want, but it is what you need.

Everything happens for a reason. You will only know when you step forward and look back.

Every dot in life could be linked, and that becomes you.

Photo by Federico Fioravanti on Unsplash

Thanks for reading! Wish you have a splendid day.