Moving from a Victim mindset to full Accountability
Changing your mindset will change everything around you
Since we are kids, we are used to explain what happens to us based on the external conditions. Probably you would remember phrases such as; “everyone had a bad grade mom. The teacher do not like me”, or “my girlfriend left me, she doesn’t deserve me”, between many other examples.
Similar examples can be found in the workplace. How many times we have been late for a meeting, and we have said “sorry, I was in another meeting”. We are trying to say that is not our fault to be late, were just the circumstances. However, the truth is that we chose to stay in the other meeting even that we know we would not arrive on time for the next one.
In Psychology, this is called Victim mindset. This means that we prefer to put the control outside and not take responsibility for our acts. It is not a conscious decision (not always at least), is just the way our brain has been defined since we were kids.
This is why when someone arrives late to work or a significant activity, the usual argument will be “there was a lot of traffic out there”. It is an unconscious answer that put the responsibility outside. And we do this frequently because help us to maintain the life that we have without taking any chances.
Hugo Landolfi, in his book from Victim to Protagonist, explain that be a victim or not, is based on adopted attitudes. And that naturally, we will act as victims when something terrible happens to us. But if we succeed, we will act as protagonists.
When you transitioned to a Protagonist Mindset, you are setting the accountability in yourself ultimately. You are empowered to address the situations that are happening and solve them taking chooses.
If we use the same examples as above, your answers will be different. If you are late for a meeting, your answer is more likely to be sorry. “It is my fault. I didn’t calculate well the time and got out of my house late”.
This is a hard thing to do because as human, we are always trying to avoid significant responsibility and the guilt that can appear from that.
To explain the process of change and how to move from one stage to another, I would use my own experience as an example.
In 2014, I was having a meteoric career. I was young, with a leadership role in an important organization. And instead of being more humble and learn from others, I was always complaining that people dint knew how to do their work. This mindset trespassed my job; every time I didn’t achieve the results that I expected, I would be using external factors as the main argument.
I was having a Victim mindset. I was explaining what happened to me putting the focus outside, in the external circumstances rather than myself.
During a coaching session, the coach told me “From now on, you will no longer use the external aspect to explain your problems, issues or failures. And you will not rely your comments on other capabilities, decisions, or beliefs. You are going to take full accountability, and you are going to reflect on what you could have done differently to succeed”.
I have been using this model since then. Every time something doesn’t happen as I expected, the first thing I do is think what could I have done differently. And I try to understand others decisions, reactions, or points of view from that perspective.
Being full accountable gives you internal freedom; you are no longer angry with others or feeling the world is against you. You realize you are the only one that can change things around you.
Once that you can fully embed a protagonist mindset, you will see remarkable changes in your life. You will be genuinely open to receiving feedback. And also to listen and learn from everyone around you.
People around you will notice the change. And they will trust you more.
We are the main character of our lives. We are accountable for everything that happens between we born and we die.
Do not get me wrong, I know there are things as diseases that you usually do not want to have, or you are not responsible for having it. But you choose how to live with that, and you decide what path to take. You can live complaining that you have cancer, and nothing you do is essential, or you can try to be your best version.
In summary, your learning and growth curve will increase exponentially. You will see thousands of opportunities to change the course of what is happening to you.
If you are asking yourself how do I do it?, how do I move from a victim mindset to full accountable?, my recommendation would be to start with small steps:
- Accept your mistakes. If you can accept that you are not perfect, then you are ready to start this journey.
- Every time an outcome is not expected, do not justify it. Stop and ask yourself what could have done differently?
- Ask for honest feedback, and be open to listen quietly. Will help you to put things on perspective and integrate other’s opinions into yours.
- Do not blame others, and do not excuse yourself under any circumstance.
Moving from one state to another is a formidable challenge because we are used to operating under Victim mode. Do not stress yourself and start being conscious. That will help you to move from one to another.
I encourage you to do it. You are not a slave of the things that happen to you. You are the writer of your own story, Once you are able to realize that, you will embrace your life differently.
