Movies Lied About What Owning A Home Is Really Like

I thought there’d be more dancing…

My wife and I are buying a home together, and it’s the first time either of us have owned a house.

I went into things with certain expectations, mostly garnered from movies and television shows, because there have been very few people in my life who have owned one. Aside from my gramma passing the one she owned down to my mother, I’ve not had the pleasure of knowing many who could afford to get it done.

I’ve discovered those expectations are definitely not what has thus worked out so far.

Too much cleaning.

When you watch movies and television shows, the houses people own are never really dirty.

Now, don’t get me wrong. We’re not unclean people, and do take care to not make messes. That being said, the amount of dust everywhere is astounding.

Where the hell does it all come from? I keep thinking I’m going to set up a video recorder in the house to catch those dust bunnies running through the place.

And the clutter! Oh my unholy goat Bob there is so much clutter accumulated in one single day than a junkyard could accommodate, I swear. Living in a house with 5 people, including 2 young adults, and 2 cats coming in and out at all hours, it’s astounding how many boxes and papers get brought in. We need to set up an “Incoming Room” to make sure everything gets distributed properly.

You just don’t see that kind of thing happening in the movies.

There’s not nearly enough dancing.

I’m not sure about what happens in your households, but in ours, there’s not nearly enough dancing when compared to movies.

It seems like there are always dinner parties, little get-togethers and potlucks happening year-round in movies and TV shows. Like… who has time to get all that together? Who has neighbors that like each other enough they all want to gather in one place and not break out into fist fights?

Maybe it’s just the neighborhoods we’ve lived in, but I have never once thought, “Hey, let’s get everyone together and party.”

More like, “Hey, let’s get everyone together so we can see who we really need to avoid.”

Now, mind you, we’re okay folks. I think we’re reasonably nice to get along with and we’d do whatever we could to help someone who’s in need. But that doesn’t mean I want to hang. Frankly, most of the people we’ve met around here would be more likely to steal all our stuff than be friends.

As for the dancing? Well, my wife and I do break out into little ones here and there, but our kids tend to give us the side-eye when we do. They just don’t understand the value of a good pirouette.

Movies and TV shows almost never talk about HOAs.

Okay. Let me get this out of the way real fast…

Warning. There will be cursing.

Fuck Home Owner’s Associations.

If movies and TV shows want to really show what home ownership is like, they’d talk a hell of a lot more about HOAs and the despicable ways they try to run people’s lives.

Look. I get it. You want to make sure the neighborhood is up to snuff. Some things are reasonable, I suppose. No one wants a pig farm in the middle of suburbia, or a junkyard down the street.

That being said, there is also no reason for Myrtle the bitch down the road to have any say in what I do with my home to decorate it, or for Bruce 2 houses down to have a choice in what my mailbox is going to look like.

HOAs started out with good intentions, but we all know what road that leads down. No one should have that much power.

When an HOA can force you to move out of a home you’re paying for because of the color you chose to paint your house, there’s too much control in the hands of the few.

If someone really wants to make a realistic movie or show, they’d do great by making it horror and calling it, “They Came From The HOA” or something.

Ridiculous.

Home ownership is a lot of things, but it’s the people most of all.

I don’t know exactly where my wife and I are going to be in a few years. We love our place, but there are some limitations we’re already discovering after only two years of ownership.

One phrase I’ve grown to say frequently is, “Damn it, take care of this thing. We’re supposed to be here another 20years.”

I assume it’s going to be that long, anyway. Some of the language on the mortgage paperwork claims we’re in debt for the rest of eternity or something. Maybe I’ve misread the contract.

Either way, the one thing about owning your own place is learning how to get along best with those who live there. It’s difficult sometimes, but being stuck makes you realize you have to have patience and kindness when you otherwise wouldn’t feel so inclined.

The funny thing is, we’ve grown to treat the home as a part of the family, too. She’s the mother carrying us in her womb and protecting us from what otherwise might try to do us harm. Sure, we kick her belly once in a while and complain about the space, but, in the end, we also know how grateful we are to have her there.

I guess that, too, is something we never learn from the movies.

Thank you for being you.

Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment. Remember, no matter who you are or what you’re going through, you are worthy of being loved. Don’t let anyone teach you anything different.

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