Mourning the Loss

Of one I loved — The Lark poetry competition — runner-up poem

If I could tell one thing I mourn It would be the loss of one I gave birth to

Not of my womb But of my heart

The treacherous journey of motherhood Brought me to the precipice

The edge of love Where it borders hate

When you discover that someone you have cared for Whose needs you have placed before your own

Can hurt you in ways you never imagined possible And yet you keep going

Travel with them through the darkness Try to help them salvage a life

From the fire they left behind The explosion and the carnage

But then one day you realize That they are no longer walking with you

Despite your outstretched arms They have given you away

For a different life One that discards your love

And they take a piece of your soul With them

One day you bury it In a garden

And you decide it will stay there Entombed with your loss

You are free to let go because another is not us We forge our own way

No matter whose umbilical cord we have been connected to Or for how long

We are in the end, and on the journey Mostly alone

I found myself in ways That grew from pain

And in the end, became whole again The light crept in, despite the darkness

Or maybe because of it.

“Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in”— Leonard Cohen