Motives and barriers to help-seeking for women experiencing domestic violence

As part of a scientific research on the basis of the Russian State Pedagogical University named after. Herzen, I conducted a survey of women with experience of domestic violence. The study was conducted anonymously through face-to-face and online surveys. 42 women participated in the online survey, and 26 in the face-to-face survey. The face-to-face survey was carried out in crisis apartments of the Centers for Social Assistance to Family and Children in St. Petersburg.

Today I will talk about the results of a study of the motives and obstacles for seeking help for the women studied in situations of domestic violence.

To begin with, I will briefly describe the study sample, which consisted of 68 women aged 23 to 78 years who have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence.

The majority of respondents were working women (69%), with higher education (68%), in an official or civil marriage (43%), or divorced (26%) and without children (35%), or with one two children (28% and 21%, respectively). Most women in this group had experience of domestic violence in childhood and adulthood; were raised in a complete parental family (56%) or only by their mother (34%); their parents did not have addictions (56%) or had alcohol addiction (38%); The prevailing styles of education in the parental family are democratic, permissive and authoritarian. All women studied were subjected to various types of violence in childhood: emotional and psychological (78%), physical (56%), sexual (9%) and economic (32%) violence from parents and close relatives (mother, father, stepfather, grandmother , grandfather, brother, sister, stepfather, other people), and later from classmates, fellow students, husbands (civil and official), sexual partners, bosses, sports coaches, colleagues. In childhood, the aggressors towards the respondents were most often the parents — father and mother; in adulthood — the husband and parents. All respondents have a high sensitivity to all types of violence. The majority of women surveyed in situations of domestic violence sought help from a crisis center (46%) or a psychologist (22%), while a third never sought help.

From the above, we can conclude that most of the subjects, if we talk about social factors, look quite prosperous, i.e. These are not asocial, uneducated, unemployed women from exclusively destructive families of drug addicts and alcoholics, but quite the opposite — socially adapted in adulthood, working and educated women who have experience of violence in childhood and then in adulthood. Thus, it can be judged that the philistine position accepted in society that domestic violence is suffered more by socially disadvantaged women, about whom they usually say “it’s her own fault,” is not confirmed in this study.

So, let’s move on to the results of the study on help-seeking, presented in Figure 1. In our sample, the majority of women turned for help somewhere, only a third never asked for help. The fact that parents, being the main aggressors in childhood and continuing to be them in adulthood, do not enjoy trust among the respondents, is immediately striking.

This makes us think about how strongly the fact of emotional abuse affects trust in parents, since this is what most of the respondents were subjected to in childhood, which is usually not taken into account. “Just think: shouting, insults, comparisons and ridicule; We didn’t beat you!” — this is what parents often say about their parenting styles. And parents are very often convinced that they know everything about their children and understand them, but this is not so.

Now let’s talk about what kept our respondents from seeking help. It is generally accepted that the main factors why a woman suffers domestic violence are the presence of children and financial dependence on the aggressor. Of course, these factors, as well as such factors as shame and mistrust of the police, are significant. However, our study is dominated by completely different factors — hope for a change in the situation, not knowing where to turn at all, and fear that it will be worse (see Figure 2).

Oh, this hope… Cultivated in our culture to the highest virtue, glorified by all religious denominations and drummed into girls from early childhood. “Hope and wait!” — I think everyone has heard this phrase. I can’t resist deciphering this very dangerous parental message: don’t do anything, don’t know anything, be afraid, be ashamed, don’t trust, don’t take responsibility for your life — most importantly, hope!

This is exactly what happens. The passive position of a girl raised in a patriarchal society is a virtue and “decorates” her. Remember Nastenka from Morozko? Sitting in the forest in winter — alone, hungry, thin, half-naked, numb, scared — an image of simply total insecurity and helplessness. And Frost blows cold air on her (such a kind grandfather!), and she lies to him, a beauty, with respect and reverence: “Warm grandfather, warmth, Frost!” (the kindest one, doesn’t want to upset grandpa or bother him with his problems). And Marfusha, who specifically and clearly states her desires and even demands their satisfaction from a superior benefactor, is condemned by our society. The image, of course, is completely opposite to Nastenka, a kind of impudent girl who is clearly aware of her needs, motivatedly showed up in the forest and demands that the “influential grandfather” satisfy them, compensate her for the cold, hunger and moral damage from the grueling journey, so to speak.

In these archetypal fairy-tale characters, who go from one extreme to another, there is a lot about the deep-seated beliefs and attitudes in our society that we feed to our children from generation to generation: asking, even for help, is a shame; you have to endure any circumstances, keep your head down, and don’t shift your problems onto others; one must a priori respect “elders” (parents/authorities/superiors/elders), even if they do frankly strange things; you need to think and care about others, and not about yourself; you have to be modest, i.e. not to want anything for yourself at all, ever. This is the only way to be accepted and approved in society, and this is a basic human need. And there is nothing left but… hope.

What could still be the “last straw” and force you to seek help? As sad as it is, this is physical violence — a real threat to life. In other words, a woman endures to the last, endures and hopes, is afraid and ashamed to tell at least someone until the marks on the body can no longer be hidden, and the fear of a threat to life becomes stronger than the fear of the aggressor (see Fig. 3).

Now let’s take a closer look at the motives for seeking help that our respondents indicated (see Figure 4). What do we see? In addition to the “tired of enduring” motive, in the first positions are our old friends — hope and fear! Does this remind you of anything? Again, from one extreme to another — the same factors both motivate and prevent people from seeking help. This allows us to think that among the women we studied, fear is the dominant state, and, apparently, they feel their absolute helplessness in a situation of domestic violence so strongly that they cannot do anything other than hope. This is very similar to hopelessness and a vicious circle.

So, to summarize, we can say that it has been empirically proven that the reasons that prevent a woman from seeking help in a situation of domestic violence are largely related to the feeling of her own helplessness, which determines the state of total fear in which she constantly finds herself. She sees no way out of the situation, it seems hopeless to her, and all she can do is hope for the situation to change without her active action. At the same time, this same condition motivates her to seek help. Apparently, this happens in an extreme situation of severe physical violence, when the fear of a threat to life goes off scale and exceeds the fear of being shamed, when there is nothing left to lose. Also, in the group we studied, almost all respondents had experience of domestic violence in childhood by parents or close relatives, which is confirmed by the expressed distrust of them and is reflected in the ability to seek help in a crisis situation in general.

Also, one of the main reasons why women do not seek help turned out to be ignorance that they can turn to somewhere at all. While working on a helpline, I often heard the following phrase: “Why was that possible?” This tells us that psychological education and awareness of citizens is practically absent today. Few people know about existing helping organizations, about possible accessible psychological assistance, crisis apartments, etc.

The importance of mandatory social advertising on the central channels of such organizations and comprehensive support from government agencies is undeniable.

In the next article I will talk about the features of psychological defenses and coping behavior of women experiencing a current situation of violence and those who have experienced it in the past. What psychological characteristics hinder the former and help the latter overcome the situation of violence? To be continued…