Mothers, Daughters, and Mother’s Day

Mother-daughter relationships — “Why can’t we get along?

”Can we put away the hostility and defensiveness for one afternoon? We can resume it all anew tomorrow. Let’s act respectable and honorable like we love each other. It’s Mother’s Day!

Had you noticed that more daughter and mother relationships are becoming toxic? Is that the reason for so many breaks in the family structure? It used to be the mother was the matriarch of the family. Here in the south, we would gather around our mother for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, and other gatherings. She was the sole person who kept the family intact. The main purpose for coming home year after year was to gather and support family, especially our mother.

Our dad was quiet, calm, and loved all his children — equally. That is what we all believed. But our mother was decisive about which of her children she cared about the most. And she let it be known. Yes, she had favorites amongst her nine children. She would tell the stories of why she cared more for that particular child than the others.

If one of her children failed her expectations for their life she wholeheartedly shunned that child. All their present and future efforts were null and void to her affections. She believed in some of her children, she would tell them what their future would be. For her favored one, she saw a rosy future. The ones she did not favor, she declared darkness, turmoil, and hardship. She was the same way with her grandchildren. That is just the way she was.

Once she got older she became relenting and was more forgiving and more accepting of her not so favored children. By then no one cared anymore, or should not have cared that she still held up accolades and high compliments for her favored ones. It was sad to know she treated her children that way.

We watched as my mother buried our father, her husband of 61 years of marriage. We helped her bury her favorite son who passed away two years after our father. In the span of 10 years, she had lost five of her children to death. The ones she favored the most. But there are still two of her favorites left. We buried our mother in June 2010. She was 89 years old.

“The babe at first feeds upon the mother’s bosom, but it is always on her heart.” ~Henry Ward Beecher

As mothers, we do all that we can to fill our children with civility and goodness. We try not to brand their hearts with favorites or picks among our children. Because we know what that feels like. We do the best we can with what we have and pray for them and hope that they will fair well and better than we did. We give them the best of ourselves before sending them into the mean cruel world. And sometimes that is enough.

Sometimes our children may feel that we should have done more. Given them better material things. Or been there for them instead of working or going to cancer clinics. We should have been wealthy or smarter or owned better vehicles.

Although sons can be delightful. It is daughters that can make mothers feel inadequate, inefficient, or not good enough. They remain angry over things they should have forgiven. And sometimes they can harm a mother’s soul with the uncanny things they say to us. Daughters can seem to hate their mothers once they have become old.

We must remember that loving can be painful. Pain comes when love is not accepted. We never stop loving. Especially not your children or our parents.

Mother’s Day reminds us of our mothers. To show our love we celebrate them, living and gone. This mother’s day, especially, reminds me of my mother — as it does for many of you. Although she had her favorites, she taught us all the same values and morals of righteousness and respect for self and others. Mainly she taught us to fear and love the Creator and to honor our parents.

Some sayings we were told — and probably told our children:

“If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times…”

“You may not like me but you darn sure are going to respect me!|

“I brought you into this world and I will take you out!”

“Behave, Mind your manners.”

“If you're not back at this house by ___o’clock, then don't come back”

May you all receive abundant Joy, Happiness, and Love this Mother’s Day!