Making Self Help Accessible

If You Use Self Improvement Articles the Wrong Way, Your Self Esteem Will Pay The Price

9 ways to read self-help material: the mental health-friendly way

There’s no need to wait for Superman to come and rescue you anymore. You can do it yourself! It’s called the Internet baby, and it’s pretty much become a life source for us all.

The internet is littered with self-help advice.

And that's a good thing. We’re all just trying to make it through the day, and any tidbits that make it easier to... well just live… are extremely attractive.

But, despite having Google at our fingertips, we don’t always find the answers we’re looking for. Or maybe we do, but it just doesn’t work for us. I mean, have you ever read an advice article, or seen a self-help video online, tried it, and failed miserably?

Most people have. And when they do, they blame it on one of two things: bad advice, or not being good enough to keep up.

But most of the time, the answer is neither of these.

I should know, I used to be just like that. Back in my early 20’s I was trying to really boost my fitness. I found this YouTube channel called Blogilates. Casey Ho, the owner and brilliant instructor, seemed like such an uplifting person, so naturally, I hung on to every word she said about fitness.

Despite her good intentions, every time I tried her “beginner” videos, I could barely get halfway through before the pain was too unbearable. Sifting through the comments section looking for support, all I saw were people fawning over Casey, telling her how amazing her videos were and how transformative their results have been.

So what did I do? I chose to blame myself. I created the narrative in my head that I was the problem. It was my fault. I was a failure.

The truth was nowhere near that, I was active, going for hikes multiple times a week, going to dance classes, doing over 10000 steps daily with ease…

But I let my self-opinion be dictated by another person’s idea of a “beginner.”

So you’d think that makes Blogilates to blame, right? After all, she’s the one that labelled her video as beginner-friendly.

Maybe so. But if so many people were getting the results they wanted from that video, then there must have been value in the help she was giving.

And that brings us to today’s lesson.

We’re not taught how to understand self-help content properly to use it to our advantage.

Here’s the common lifespan of how people digest self-help articles:

• You see someone who is thriving in life, or trying to overcome the same struggles you are.
• They release self-help advice to show how they got out of a tough situation or improved something you also want to improve.
• You devour their content and make a plan on how to replicate their strategy
• Plan in tow you start…and immediately fall flat.
• You don’t understand why. If it worked for them, why doesn’t it work for you?

And here’s the fundamental core principle that will help you gain value from self-help advice:

You have to discover which pieces of advice align with your life, and which don’t. And even within the advice, which steps are relevant to you, and which aren’t.

After that, it’s a matter of trial and error. You make a plan, you give it a good ol’ college try, and then depending on the results, you either continue, pivot or pass.

If you’ve been struggling to see results from the self-help articles you’ve been reading, or you’re just curious about how you can become a more informed learner of life, read on.

Nine steps to boost the value you get out of reading self-help advice

Sometimes it’s about how we read, not what we read.

1. Know your “why”

If you're looking for specific advice on a topic, make sure you go in with a goal. For example, if you’re looking to improve your writing output, be specific with yourself. Do you need help with ideas? Time blocking? Getting over writer’s block?

Knowing what you want to get out of an article will help you find the right advice for you.

2. Read advice actively

Sounds a bit weird, right? Like, of course, I’m actively reading the words, otherwise… how would I be reading?

But active reading is about more than just taking in the words on the page. It’s about interacting with the content as you read.

To do so, ask yourself questions about how the content could relate to you or fit in your life.

For example, when you read my example about Blogilates in the intro, did you ask yourself if you’ve ever felt like a beginner’s class was too advanced for you? Did you talk internally about how you find certain things easy that other people around you find them more difficult and vice versa?

That’s reading actively!

3. Do your own research

Any creator giving advice that positions themselves as the only expert is a red flag. People with a genuine interest in helping you improve your life will expect, want, and maybe even encourage you to do your own research on the topic before you make your mind up on taking the advice.

They do this by adding sources to their claims and reminding you that not all advice works for everyone.

And that’s exactly what you should be doing. After you’ve actively read the piece, you’ll have a much clearer idea of what you want to improve, why you want to improve it and how the advice could fit into your own life. All that’s left is to open Google and dive deeper into the advice to see:

• If other people have also had success
• What will it realistically cost you(in money, time and effort)
• Are there any scientific studies that go against this idea? If so, which side of the fence do you fall on?

Self-help articles are a great jumping-off point, but you should always do your own further research before you create an informed opinion.

4. Don’t use every nugget of advice

It doesn’t matter how much you trust or agree with someone’s article, chances are there are at least one or two points of advice that are unrealistic for your current situation.

Many people are under the misconception that if they want the same results as the author they have to follow the advice to a T. But it’s not true.

In fact, the best way to get the most out of advice is to pick what you need and disregard the rest.

Think of it like pick ’n’ mix sweets. Take the strawberry laces but leave the flying saucers!

5. Take a break between reading and planning

Reading an inspiring piece of self-help advice can give you a real high. You’re buzzing, you’re excited and you want to get started ASAP.

That elated feeling you get right after reading good advice can blind you to the realities of what incorporating that advice actually looks like in your life.

To make sure it’s something you really want to try and dedicate your effort into, it’s best to let the information sit and digest for a day or two.

This will help you avoid any impulsive decisions you may later regret!

6. Don’t expect the same results as the author

It doesn’t matter how much you relate to a writer or if you’ve successfully replicated their results in the past.

You should NEVER go into a self-improvement project expecting to get the same results as the person writing it.

I mean, let’s be honest. The number of variables that change your results makes it almost impossible! You have different health statuses, different schedules, different strengths and weaknesses…

You have your goal in mind. Now you need to make sure you’re basing the success of the advice on your own results, not what you feel you should be achieving.

7. Be adaptable

A lot of good advice gets dismissed because people take it too literally. The reality is, in any given piece of advice, only 0.001% of readers will find it works exactly the same way for them.

The other 99.999% have three options:

• Feel like a failure because it doesn’t work for them
• Adapt it to their needs
• Decide the advice is not for them and move on to the next one

One of those options is harmful. The other two are taking advice like a pro. (Failure. Failure is the harmful one).

The real beauty of advice is taking a core concept, and tweaking it until it works for you. And knowing when to chuck it out when it doesn’t!

8. Mix multiple pieces of advice into one

Let’s imagine you’re looking for advice on how to organise the spices in your kitchen to encourage you to use them more often.

The first article you read says you should organise them alphabetically and put them on a shelf in your cupboard to keep your kitchen looking clean.

The second article says you should organise by food pairing capability and put them in a spice rack on the kitchen counter.

You like the idea of alphabetising your spices but you know you won’t use them if they are out of sight. Well, instead of trying one or the other, why not organise them by letter and put them in a spice rack?

Taking parts of one person’s advice and pairing it with elements of another is the best way to increase your chances of success in whatever endeavour you’re looking for help on.

Remember, it’s all about converting advice into realistic action points in your own life.

9. Don’t blame yourself if things don’t work

It doesn’t matter how many people flaunt their results after following the same advice that failed you… if it didn't work, it’s not your fault.

It’s probably not the advice’s fault either.

In most scenarios, the reason advice fails is that you and the advice don’t exist on the same plain. In simple terms, the advice was never meant for you and your circumstances.

And while it’s so easy to beat yourself up by telling yourself

“If only I’d tried harder’”

“I’m a failure, I can’t even follow a simple tip,”

… it’s a fast way to ruin your self-esteem.

There are literally millions of pieces of self-help advice on the internet. That’s millions of chances to find the right combination of advice that will work for you.

Don’t give up, and don’t take it personally.

Taking advice is a skill

In an ideal world, you’d read an article, take the advice at face value, and reap the promoted rewards.

But until that world exists, you have to put in the effort to find out what works for you.

That means learning to trust your gut, experimenting with what works and doesn't work, learning when to adapt and when to ditch, and blocking out other people’s opinions on what progress should look like.

Once you learn how to use self-help advice properly, you open yourself to learn so much more than you ever could by being loyal to one single article.

So when you click on your next advice article, implement these tactics and you should have a much more informative experience.

And hey, if it doesn’t work, well that’s ok too. My help articles are no different — use your best judgement. Take what works and ignore what doesn't.

After all, it's your journey!