Most of Your Worries Stem from the Past

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Abstract

’ll try to prove ourselves all the time.</p><h1 id="d022">Why our worries present themselves as fear of the future</h1><p id="cb35">Our experiences of anxiety and fear from the past stay with us until we recognize them and learn something new and empowering to take their place. Until then, they present themselves as events we don’t want to happen.</p><p id="d4d3">We may worry we will be humiliated or no one will like us, for example, since we want to avoid meeting a fearful event long gone.</p><h1 id="d0e9">Emotionally charged events leave a strong impression</h1><p id="94cb">The events that cause us to worry happen when we are vulnerable because of our age and inexperience and also because we rely on adults (as kids) to keep us safe.</p><p id="4dce">If they didn’t provide us with security, or even if we only perceived them as not doing so, we weren’t just a little afraid; we were terrified. Without them to care for us, we thought we might perish. Our emotions were so strong they left a deep impression and impacted our thoughts and behaviors.</p><h1 id="1e81">Erasing old fear patterns to reduce worry</h1><p id="716a">We will meet worries occasionally, no matter what we do. But we can reduce doubts that stem from our past.</p><p id="6025">•First, we must reco

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gnize them, and this involves noting how our worries follow patterns. If we worry a new partner will leave us when there’s no evidence to support our fear, it’s likely our suspicions originate from childhood. And we can check that out by examining our past to see if circumstances are like those we now experience.</p><p id="c546">•Once we realize our worries derive from what’s occurred, we can soothe them with constructive self-talk. We can remind ourselves where our fears come from when we worry and talk ourselves into a better frame of mind.</p><p id="7439">•Retelling ourselves why our existing situation differs from the one we faced before will help too. Previously, we depended on adults for our welfare and didn’t have the freedom to act as we wished.</p><p id="1101">Now, we’re grownup and self-governing. We have more power and knowledge, and we can set boundaries and assert our rights or walk away from circumstances we dislike.</p><p id="fcce">We will worry now and then because fear is part of life, just like other emotions. But we can stem worries that come from childhood and put them in their place. The more we control our repetitive worries, the less power they will have over us, and our new positive attitude will take their place.</p></article></body>

It may be hard to believe, but the problems you fear have already happened

We might worry about work, finances, relationships, disease, old age, and rejection, and entertain many more fears. And it appears our worries are only about the future and what is likely to occur. Really, though, our concerns stem from the past.

What we fear most has already transpired. If it hadn’t, we wouldn’t be primed to worry about it happening again. If a key caregiver rejected us as a child, for instance, likely, we are now geared up to worry about the possibility of being rejected.

Rejection in childhood leaves a dent in our psyche: It wires us to be alert to the danger of further rejection, and our fear is easy to trigger.

Likewise, if a caregiver told us we weren’t good enough, we might be sensitive about inadequacy later in life. Perhaps we’ll worry our peers or partner will judge us, or we’ll try to prove ourselves all the time.

Why our worries present themselves as fear of the future

Our experiences of anxiety and fear from the past stay with us until we recognize them and learn something new and empowering to take their place. Until then, they present themselves as events we don’t want to happen.

We may worry we will be humiliated or no one will like us, for example, since we want to avoid meeting a fearful event long gone.

Emotionally charged events leave a strong impression

The events that cause us to worry happen when we are vulnerable because of our age and inexperience and also because we rely on adults (as kids) to keep us safe.

If they didn’t provide us with security, or even if we only perceived them as not doing so, we weren’t just a little afraid; we were terrified. Without them to care for us, we thought we might perish. Our emotions were so strong they left a deep impression and impacted our thoughts and behaviors.

Erasing old fear patterns to reduce worry

We will meet worries occasionally, no matter what we do. But we can reduce doubts that stem from our past.

•First, we must recognize them, and this involves noting how our worries follow patterns. If we worry a new partner will leave us when there’s no evidence to support our fear, it’s likely our suspicions originate from childhood. And we can check that out by examining our past to see if circumstances are like those we now experience.

•Once we realize our worries derive from what’s occurred, we can soothe them with constructive self-talk. We can remind ourselves where our fears come from when we worry and talk ourselves into a better frame of mind.

•Retelling ourselves why our existing situation differs from the one we faced before will help too. Previously, we depended on adults for our welfare and didn’t have the freedom to act as we wished.

Now, we’re grownup and self-governing. We have more power and knowledge, and we can set boundaries and assert our rights or walk away from circumstances we dislike.

We will worry now and then because fear is part of life, just like other emotions. But we can stem worries that come from childhood and put them in their place. The more we control our repetitive worries, the less power they will have over us, and our new positive attitude will take their place.