More Thoughts Than Answers
A Word about the Spa Shootings in Atlanta
I am a Christian black man married to a Korean-American woman. I lived in Sanford, 10 minutes away from where Trayvon Martin was killed and every notion of America being past race was ripped to shreds for me back then.
I live in Georgia now, and we are still stung by the news of Robert Aaron Long murdering 8 people, six of whom were Asian, at least four of whom were women of Korean descent.
When the Coronavirus first emerged in the States, I began noticing the uptick in violence towards Asians. The violence existed before, but its rise became clear in the conversations my family had around the dinner table.
That’s significant because that side of my family is not political.
“Yesterday, a Korean woman was punched in the face.” My Abeoji (father in Korean) would say. It was because someone was upset that they weren’t wearing a mask properly.
This matter strikes a cord with me for many reasons.
Before the shutdown happened, I recall telling my wife, “I am less concerned about the virus and more concerned about how people will treat each other.”
I had a sense the pandemic would stoke fears in our country, and that sometimes, others would lash out in violence toward Asians, potentially endangering my family, friends, and their loved ones.
If fear of Asians is not part of what happened on March 16, it is at least part of the multi-layered public discourse on Asian hate and sexism surrounding these murders.
Add to this discourse reports about Long being a devout Christian struggling with sex addiction and Capt. Jay Baker’s statement from the Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office. The then spokesperson for the case said, Long was having a “really bad day […] and this is what he did.”
The depravity of Long’s actions with this aside from law enforcement sounds especially dissonant when people of color do not get the benefit of the doubt in any of these instances, whether innocent or guilty.
This matter strikes a chord with me for many reasons. Because of that, I’d like to add a few thoughts to the conversation.
On Faith
When I heard Long was a Christian, I cringed.
I cringed the way people of color do when we find out someone of our race committed an atrocity.
It makes us all look bad.
There’s so much baggage that comes with the name “Christian.” In fact, there was a time I was uncomfortable claiming Christianity because of that.
When it comes to the spa shooting, I ask myself, “What is it about the church or how Long experienced Christianity that contributed to this?” I do not know the answer to this.
But I know we have issues in the American church.
Church, as a vibrant spiritual family, existing to love God, one another, and others is an entity I feel called to serve and nurture.
Yet, the church is also an entity that has caused much pain and deep hurt.
I know this hurt and know all too well what goes wrong in these contexts.
Neither the church nor Christianity caused this, but I wonder, could we have planted a seed to stop it?
As a church family, we are our biggest impediment, and we exist for one another’s benefit.
In short, church hurt must be healed by the church. We are simultaneously our biggest problem and our biggest hope.
Imagine a scenario where Long could have entered a meaningful spiritual community. Where he was known and knew others unlike him. Not just acquainted, but known. Where he could be himself and not feel compelled to hide in shame. Compelled to find satisfaction in a way that damaged his soul.
In that context, I imagine he could have grown and found support in his struggles. He could have learned how to resolve his frustrations constructively, learned how to navigate temptation in a way that honors God and respects others.
Tragically, Long did not experience that. He made his own choices. Neither the church nor Christianity caused these murders, but I wonder, could we have planted a seed to stop it?
On Race
There is a growing sensitivity regarding race. I try my best not to be skeptical of the progress. But, despite my skepticism, I notice it.
As this awareness develops, it is ever important to have interpersonal relationships with others that do not look like us or think like us.
It is too easy to make snap judgments about people based on stereotypes and impressions. But these notions get exposed as faulty and incomplete when we get to know real, complex people.
I have found this is a context where my prejudice falls apart. My insecurity and pride get exposed. Lies are uncovered and corrected.
Safe spaces must exist for this work. It is difficult, nor is it for the faint of heart.
On Manhood
Because of a void of understanding responsibility and servanthood, a myriad of destructive ideas have co-opted masculinity.
“A man is someone who imposes his will on others. Someone who domineers women sexually, emotionally, and physically. Men don’t cry. Etc.”
This was the model of manhood culture showed; the same ideas I had to unlearn.
I was blessed to have a father and other role models who countered this narrative. The presence of a man has a way of exposing boyish behavior.
Men who understand who they are do not use violence against others to resolve their problems.
Men use their strength to build. They exercise force to protect and check their inner demons. They are self-controlled, and when they need help, they seek it.
What would have happened if Long was taught these values? If he had a safe place to resolve his convictions and shame? Where he could have learned how to harness his desires to build rather than destroy?
If that happened, Randy and Eric Park’s mother would have come home after work on March 16. The lives of 7 other families would not have been shattered by Long’s crusade to rid the world of temptation.
I mourn these murders.
I mourn the loss of dignity and the disrespect Asians receive.
The storm clouds were gathering for a while. Its torrents have now been unleashed.
An Ignored Narrative Gone Public
In the days following the spa shooting, something new happened.
For a long time, Asian voices have been suppressed or ignored. But now, I am seeing many of their stories publicized.
As a black man, I am overjoyed by this and look forward to learning more from the Asian community.
I close with a word to my Asian brothers and sisters:
I want you to know; I value you. I see you.
I hear you. What you feel is real, and it is important.
Please continue to share your perspective. Even after this moment passes. Even if it feels unwelcome.
Your voice matters, and when you speak, the world is better for it.
I know my life is certainly better because of you.