avatarJenny Lane

Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of sharing one's emotional struggles and the destructive nature of shame, advocating for vulnerability and compassion to foster a lighter, more connected life.

Abstract

The author, Jenny Lane, draws a parallel between the Amish proverb "More hands make light work" and her own phrase "More hearts make light life," suggesting that sharing our emotional burdens can alleviate suffering. The piece argues against the tendency to suffer in silence, asserting that there is no honor or reward in suppressing painful feelings. It highlights the corrosive effects of shame, which can lead to isolation and self-punishment, and encourages readers to embrace their feelings as transient experiences rather than permanent identities. The article underscores the importance of understanding and expressing emotions for personal growth and stronger human connections, advocating for a compassionate approach to oneself and others. It also touches on the distinction between experiencing emotions and identifying with them, quoting Bridget Webber's advice on managing emotions without letting them define one's identity. Ultimately, the author calls for reaching out for help and support, reminding readers of their inherent worth and the love that surrounds them, even in moments of pain.

Opinions

  • Suffering alone is unnecessary and counterproductive; sharing one's pain is encouraged for mutual support.
  • Shame is portrayed as a destructive emotion that isolates and punishes, rather than protecting, the individual.
  • Emotions are guideposts that should be acknowledged but not dwelt upon excessively, as they are transient and do not define one's identity.
  • The author believes in the power of love to overcome fear and encourages choosing self-compassion over self-punishment.
  • There is an appeal to Medium's platform to prioritize human narrations, as they enhance the emotional connection between writers and readers.
  • The article suggests that understanding the human condition and the origins of emotions can lead to a more enlightened existence.
  • It is important to vocalize one's feelings to others, as assumptions about others' feelings can be incorrect, and open communication fosters understanding and togetherness.
Georges and Jenny hands holding hearts photo and art by Author Jenny Lane

More Hearts Make Light Life ♡ You Are Not Alone in Your Suffering

We’re here, let us know, so we can help

The Amish say, “More hands make light work.” Together uplifting. I like to say, “More hearts make light life.” Together loving.

There is no honor in putting on a brave face while you suffer alone. There is no reward for holding in your uncomfortable feelings, your pain, by yourself. There is no trophy for how much you can stuff your feelings inside.

There is no shame in feeling all the feelings we all experience.

Others who love you know you are in pain, and your pain will spill over. No matter how much you may try to hide it. This pain paints shades of grays over any life we share with them. And in the process, we have no way to help, when we don’t know.

Please tell us.

Shame divides us. Makes us feel small, unworthy, undeserving of love or comfort, sometimes undeserving of life. It keeps us curled up in corners. When we need to be heart-open, arms open expressing our fears in the middle of the room. With vulnerability and compassion for yourself, and everyone who loves you and feels the pain you feel.

Even if you neglect your pain, someone else may end up carrying it for you.

You can choose love, or you can choose fear. This you can do. Sounds simple, because it is simple. Facing our fears can be very painful though. Believe me, I understand. Choose love for yourself, please.

Shame is a corrosive one.

We curl into those corners to avoid judgment, avoid rejection, avoid being shunned for our choices. When in essence, this action of allowing shame to consume you, does exactly what you fear.

It isolates, it self-shuns, it self-punishes. Before anyone can even possibly recreate that fear, and do it for you.

You end up doing it for yourself in shame. And then you are alone again anyway. In your shame corner, with it gnawing at your self-trust, self-belief, self-worth. Shame is acidic to ourselves and the people we love. It’s usually a past reflection of a moment, or an action we still regret. And like guilt this does have a purpose, it’s a feeling, like all others, that has to be seen. Let the feeling help you.

Our feelings are guideposts, but like the Buddhists Say,

“Do not mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon.”

You are NOT that feeling you are feeling.

You are you, being.

You are you experiencing that feeling. You have that feeling in this moment. It comes and it will go. You will still be here experiencing the experiences. As ✨ Bridget Webber reminds us in her piece — Accept What You Honestly Feel: Your personal growth, spiritual expansion, and happiness depend on it

“We might note what we feel by checking in with ourselves now and then. Asking, ‘What do I feel now?’ and ‘Where do I feel it?’ is helpful. The answer could go something like ‘I am experiencing anxiousness’ and ‘anxiety shows up as irritation in my stomach,’ for instance.

Saying ‘I am experiencing anxiety’ is more helpful than saying ‘I am anxious’ or whatever you feel. If you say you’re anxious, angry, or irritable, this makes the emotion sound permanent. In truth, it’s an experience that passes through you rather than who you are. Knowing this can help you separate what you feel from your identity and handle it more easily.” Thank you ✨ Bridget Webber

Feelings aren’t to be thrown away, though. Yet, you also don’t have to live in the dumpster with them all day long. Well, you can, if you like. But who wants to wear a moldy spaghetti hat every day all ashamed?

That’s not fun.

My whole life I have been fascinated by feelings — how they make us, drive us, separate us, unite us. I have a lifelong drive to dive deep into understanding the human condition, and the feelings we experience during this experience of life.

I will think deeply about the what and why of the meaning of emotions from their origins. And do my best to understand, and write about how each plays a part in this human existence.

Part of life is all the pain and part of life is all the love — with everything in between. It’s understanding ourselves and understanding the feelings of others. Where they are coming from, and where you are coming from.

Don’t assume you know how someone is feeling. Ask them.

Vocalize your own feelings and expect not someone knows where your heart is. Let them know, so you can know together.

But please remember what you imagine another may be feeling about you may not be true. Ask them. Please remember the thoughts your mind is telling you may also not be true.

Question your discompassionate origins.

It’s alright to have shame, it’s a guide to making kinder choices. But it’s discompassionate to let shame eat you from the inside out, that is unkind. Please stop punishing yourself for a past action done and get into this very moment, this one moment where you have the capability of changing yourself, so that past action doesn’t happen again. Right now.

Get out of your shame loop, please.

Listen, we all fuck up. We all make mistakes. Learn from them, so you don’t keep hurting yourself, or people who didn’t hurt you to begin with.

Shame may feel like a protector — but I guarantee you, shame is like an abusive partner. It will isolate you, until all that is left is you and shame insidiously trying to convince you, you’re worth nothing. Which is a flat-out lie.

You are a holy aspect of this whole universe, made of the material of the galaxy. You have parts of you from the beginning of existence. Was there a beginning? ; )

And you are loved right here, in this moment, for everything you were, everything you are, and everything you will be.

In your pain, please reach out your hand. Please put your heart out there so we can help. Many hearts together make life lighter!

With radical love,

Jenny Lane

🌈💜

~namaste~

Important Note about authors who personally narrate here on Medium:

As of now, our human narrations are NOT calculated into our read time earnings. (Ai narration listening is, human narrations bypass any earnings) So if you listen, it would be a great help to us if you could give your time to this piece. Thank you for listening!

Dear Tony Stubblebine,

Could we please make human narrations a priority here on Medium in 2023? It would be a wonderful gift for us. Hearing the human heart behind the words brings all of our hearts closer together in humanity. And good gracious do we need this. ❤

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