Summary

The author grapples with the internal conflict of pursuing a career in law to fulfill parental expectations versus following their passion for writing, ultimately deciding to embrace writing despite facing challenges with discipline and motivation.

Abstract

The article titled "Moral Relapse" delves into the personal struggle of the author in choosing between the societal and familial pressure to become a lawyer and the personal desire to write. The author reflects on the emotional toll of disappointing parents by not conforming to their aspirations, which leads to an emotional breakdown. Despite the clarity of their calling, the author faces a cycle of productivity followed by periods of inactivity and procrastination. They acknowledge their impatience and the allure of immediate gratification over the discipline required for writing. Nevertheless, the author is determined to break this cycle, asserting a commitment to personal growth and the pursuit of their passion for writing, despite the temptations of more immediate and less demanding forms of entertainment like gaming.

Opinions

The author believes that authentic expression is more valuable than perfection, suggesting that people prefer genuine communication over polished facades.
They express a critical view of the traditional Egyptian mindset that limits career choices to prestigious professions such as law, medicine, or architecture.
The author admits to struggling with maintaining consistent productivity and discipline, particularly when faced with the appeal of leisure activities like video games and watching shows.
Despite these challenges, the author has a clear understanding of their passion and calling, which is to inspire through writing.
They recognize the issue of impatience and the desire for instant reward as significant personal obstacles to achieving their goals.
The author holds the opinion that enjoying leisure activities is more rewarding after a productive day's work.
There is a strong resolve to overcome personal shortcomings and to not let their potential be hindered by their own habits and mindset.

Moral Relapse

Is it possible to kill mediocrity? I wonder, who’s the best you?

This photo was acquired from Google Images under the category “Relapse”.

A rule of thumb when writing or committing to expression is executing it in raw form. People don’t want to see the perfect you, they want to see the real you.

As I sit here and type these words, tears fall and dry on my cheeks. Not tears of joy… far from it.

People mostly don’t know what to do with themselves. They don’t know what purpose to serve and, because of it, wander a multitude of paths untouched.

It is an absolute responsibility and a monumental difficulty to find one’s own calling. In my case, I was always going to be the “lawyer of the family”.

My parents always subscribed to a remnant of traditional Egyptian thought: that a child of mine must be either a doctor, architect or lawyer. Pfff. An idealistic way of thinking at best.

I understand that a parent would typically want their kids to succeed in fields that pronounce prestige and intellect. But it really did a number on me. One that led to an emotional breakdown.

My entire life I thought being a lawyer was my definite destination. Then this summer came and a choice had to be made:

Clam LSAT studies in less than 5–6 months for law school.
Pursue the prospect of writing.

I chose the latter, knowing full well that I don’t have the discipline nor the passion for the former. However, upon making this decision, a lifetime of set expectations came crashing down on me. My mother was saying that it’s alright for parents to wishfully think about their kids’ futures. I agreed, but also made clear that not living up to my parent’s dreams was too much emotional baggage. Started sobbing on the spot.

Now, writing has been going well. It hasn't been going great, nor terrible.

But sometimes we get lazy and are unable to force productivity into the equation. Some know how to maintain their moods, others not so much.

I fit in perfectly in the not-so-much group. One day I’ll dissect the hell out of every little thing that I do. Next, I’ll just wake up, play video games, watch shows, then end it with youtube videos before sleeping.

It’s literally a fucking cycle that repeats itself over and over again: a surge of do-good lasts for a week, maybe a week and a half. Then comes the goliath. A desolation of every and all atoms’ worth of motivation to do anything remotely beneficial.

The cherry on top is this: I love writing. I enjoy playing with words to make a point. I like arguing. I’m fond of reading. I know what I want to do, and what I want to do is to inspire; to write.

Yet, I do it on a scale that is immensely lesser than what I have in mind. The pitiful part is that I know what my calling is. So half of my life’s troubles are already swept away.

“To writing? Erm… nope. Let’s game instead.”

This is how my mind works every time I think of writing. Knowing how I am as a person, I’ve come to find that I am extremely impatient.

What I think about is the length of the thing that I want to get done (reading, writing… etc). Afterward, I think about what I want to do once I finished my daily routine.

I think about the reward.

But, see, that’s the problem with me. My mind goes to the thought of reward before applying the necessary effort for the reward to be deserved in the first place.

Frankly, anything that we enjoy would be magnified and enhanced if it’s after a long and productive day’s work.

I sit here on my chair and write out the black mirror of my soul. I draw the cracks in my skin. I show to you the blood of my thought being spilled into a page algorithmic in nature, yet I bestow a never-ending vow upon myself.

I will not defeat me. I will break the cycle. I will be better.