I Had A Good Time As ‘Money Plane’ Crashed

This low-budget action movie has a lot going for it — like its 82-minute running time

The first thing you should know about the newborn bargain-basement action movie Money Plane is that Kelsey Grammar plays the main villain, a cigar-chomping bad guy named Darius Emmanuel Grouch III a.k.a “The Rumble.”

He calls himself “the baddest motherfucker on the planet.”

What? Exactly. Don’t worry about it. If you’ve ever wanted to see Kelsey Grammer unleashed, then buy a first-class ticket on Money Plane.

The former TV mega-star of sitcom classic Fraisier gives Money Plane his all. He leaves everything there on the screen. The man is a consummate professional who earned whatever the producers paid him. That is an important thing to know before checking out a movie that announces its plot in the title.

I guess it also doesn’t hurt to know that Grouch wants to take down the infamous “money plane.” So he manipulates the best into doing his bidding but the best frequently have their own plans, which is why they’re the best.

The best include a smart computer dude and a drive fast guy and an attractive lady who is good at killing.

The best frequently have two plans: “A” and “B.” But you’ll find out about that once you watch Money Plane which you should do. Money Plane wants to be a quirky thinking man’s action movie. It’s like a community theater production of John Wick. But it fails. Every minute it fails to be anything more than what it is: a late-night idea someone had when they were stoned.

There isn’t really much else to write about Money Plane except that it’s cheap, short, and a fuckin’ hoot. Money Plane is a brisk 82-minutes that runs out of money around the 60-minute mark. One fight scene looked like a rehearsal for a fight scene. The Lawrence brothers show up and give timeless performances too: Matthew plays a cowboy with a death wish and Joey is the money plane’s impish master of ceremonies.

This movie never overstays its welcome. It’s never boring. Money Plane respects your time. What more can you ask from an entertainment? A diversion? A brief respite from the sorrows of reality?

Get on the money plane!

Okay, I’m wrong. There is clearly more I can write about Money Plane. Here’s the plot: a sensitive master thief played by pro wrestler Edge is in debt to the wrong people so criminal mastermind Darius Grouch makes him an offer he can’t refuse: knock over the infamous ‘money plane,” an underworld casino where anything goes at 30,000 feet. On the money plane, you can play high-stakes poker or Russian roulette, or you can bet on how long some dude will survive in a cage with a cobra. These are the kinds of games arms dealers and human traffickers and supervillains love to play.

Money Plane lives up to its name, too. There’s “up to a billion on board in crypto and millions in cash.” Let me stop you if your instinct is to say “crypto isn’t a physical currency.” Money Plane doesn’t care about what cryptocurrencies are. Crypto sounds cool, like “money plane.”

Money Plane is so cool, the movie is just title drop after title drop. Money Plane is 60% someone saying “money plane.” I suppose if I lived in a world where the money plane existed and I was being forced to rob the money plane, I’d say “money plane” as much as humanly possible, too.

It’s such a great silly concept.

I would watch an entire movie set on an average Money Plane flight, starring Joey Lawrence. Money Plane: Burbank To JFK. Or a mystery, like Murder on the Orient Express. Murderers solving murders!

The concept of a supervillain redeye with a cargo hold full of treasure is bonkers. I’m obsessed. Yes, as I’ve written, the movie doesn’t always make sense. The dialogue is overly pleased with itself. The sets are laughable: a few strategically hung curtains transform an obvious soundstage into an airport, or sections of the plane. But I suppose this is Money Plane, not Money Screenplay or Money Production Values.

And yet, I promise you that after an hour and twenty-two minutes of Money Plane, you will still feel as empty as you felt before Money Plane, but you’ll have smiled and rolled your eyes at least once.

I had no idea who Edge was but I’m glad the proud tradition of the pro-rassler-turned-action star still continues. He’s a muscular, bug-eyed do-gooder with a man bun. Edge, the alpha dog hero, spends most of the movie in the cockpit flying the money plane. My instinct is to make fun of these scenes, but the dude is working hard for you. He is bulging and frowning and giving intense orders to his team, the best, via Bluetooth (??) all for your entertainment. What more can you ask for?

Kelsey Grammar isn’t the only veteran actor cashing Money Planes checks.

Denise Richards shows up briefly as The Wife, and I’d like to remind you that she’s a legitimate movie star who has starred in cult classics like Starship Troopers and Wild Things, as well as a Bond film (The World Is Not Enough is my second favorite with Brosnan as 007.) Thomas Jane shows up too, as a grizzled mentor of Edge’s character. It’s always good to see Jane and I wish his version of The Punisher had been a hit.

I almost forgot. This is something you should definitely know. I unironically enjoyed Money Plane. It did the best it could with its resources. This wasn’t some mega-expensive Hollywood blockbuster Frankenstein’d in a conference room by executives. No. Money Plane was someone’s golden pitch that got turned into a very modest movie, and a few celebrities who needed work cheerfully helped out.

Do not comment or DM me “John, you told me to watch Money Plane and I HAAAAATED it.” You are the boss of you. I’m not telling you to watch it, just that I did and I was entertained. It was like a pleasant lobotomy. I will probably forget this movie existed in a few months, or until this movie becomes a sleeper hit and Hollywood decides to dump one hundred million dollars on Money Plane 2: Fly The Deadly Skies.