NO WONDER THEY CALL IT ‘MEDIUM’

I Guess I’ll Have to Rob That Bank

How else can I acquire more coinage?

Dear Mr. Williams:

Perhaps I’m slow on the uptake. Or just plain stupid. But after almost a year’s worth of word-wrangling on your platform I’m still in the dark about the compensation thing.

You know, the cold hard cash you deposit into the coffers of my local account? Or, perhaps, the lack thereof.

True, I never ventured back into writing for the money. But the pittance you and your algorithms consider a decent profit is somewhat laughable. I’m even beginning to think the problem is you, Ev, and not yours truly.

I’ve never been one to go viral. In fact, I’ve pretty much tried to stay away from viruses these past couple of years.

But I see those who brag about it on my Medium feed every morning.

And I’ve followed recent changes on your “content creating” platform over the past few months, and can now officially confess that I have so many more questions than answers.

In fact, you could even say I’m “multifariously-curious,” if that’s really a thing. I’d prefer to think it is.

I keep reading that Medium is changing. But then it’s not. But then again, change is good. Except when it isn’t.

It all started way back in the infancy of our relationship, Ev. You don’t mind if I call you Ev, do you?

First, the Medium Wizards came for my sense of security and well-being by making “suggestions.” These recommendations weren’t so much from editors as much as from the aforementioned feed I see on the much-ballyhooed Medium App.

And then, as these things go, the suggesters begin retracting those various and sundry helpful hints and changing the status quo yet again. Of course they did.

It’s almost as if those running this rodeo, like you, Ev, couldn’t make up their dang minds. So you put the computers in charge of content and curation, and possibly even creation, and my whole Medium World went to Hell in a handbag, as my Nana would say.

I should publish more. Increased “content” will bring me more “views” and “traffic” should be my goal, they said. Except on the weekends, they said.

Please, Dear Lord, try not to publish on weekends. No one reads on the weekends, they said.

Except when they do. So I should definitely switch up my publishing schedule, because that’s what the algorithms require, they said.

Oh, and while I’m at it, I should pen some schnazzy-jazzy headlines, known at Medium as “titles” for some strange reason, to attract more readers, they said.

Yeah, I know there’s essentially no big diff between the two, but I come from the newspaper world. Which, BTW, is beginning to sound a lot more sensible than the mishy, squishy Medium morass I find myself drowning in, as of late. So forget the headlines and stick to the editorial term “titles,” they said.

But please, don’t be too schnazzy nor too jazzy. Any over-the-top efforts in this regard could be considered “clickbait,” and that is most definitely a no-no, they said.

And I must not forget my followers! When they “clap” and emit the slightest huzzah!!! in praise of my attempted clever wordplay, I should return the favor, they said. Even if I’m most definitely not feeling it, they said.

Don’t just read their work and leave a modest clap or two. Comment! Praise!! Ingratiate myself with fellow Mediumites within an inch of their lives!!! Or my life!!!! Or whatever!!!!! It’s the Medium Way, they said.

But there’s more, Ev. You knew that, right?

A few weeks ago, the previously easy-to-negotiate Medium home page, which seemed more-or-less designed just for me, was thrown into a cacophony of chaos. None of the publications I followed seemed to make sense anymore, at least on my phone. Stories appeared not to be organized, and nothing was in chronological order. As in most recently published, followed by the articles penned before those.

I quickly checked my laptop. Everything looked kosher there. And by kosher, I don’t mean lox and bagels, but the homepage looked as it always had, and when I opened a publication, everything appeared right with the world.

So it had to be my phone. It was almost as if Natalie Portman had been assigned the unenviable task of sorting things out just for lil old me. But she just couldn’t get there. Cause she’s an actress, not a wordsmith. Duh.

And then I hit what I thought was the pinnacle of Medium Nirvana.

I published a story with more than 32 views.

Hey, I have no clue if it was the catchy “title,” or Toto, or the fact that an abundance of “Wizard of Oz” fans had suddenly tuned into my feed, but this piece was running away with the views! As of this writing, 740 views, to be exact!! And the story got distributed/curated/whatever!!! And it earned me a grand total of…

…Twenty-six dollars and thirty-four cents. I wrote the sum out so it looks more impressive, Ev. You think so, too, right?

I’ll admit, I was pretty dang impressed with myself until I looked up the definition of “viral phenomenon.” No, my content creation was not a video. But “viral”, according to Wikipedia anyway, only counts if one approaches something like 800 gazillion “views.” Or something greatly surpassing 740, at any rate.

But I’m not discouraged, Ev!

I wrote a little humor something-something a week or so ago. You or your algorithms might have seen it? Anyway, it’s going “viral” now its own self. By my definition, anyway.

Here’s the up-to-the-minute update on this digital gem. Two thousand, seven hundred views! I can’t believe it!! For a little ditty I dashed off about Taylor Swift and Ivanka Trump, of all people!!! Feeling super cool over here, Ev!!!!

But bottom line? I’ve earned seventy-four cents for this article so far. As in $.74. One penny shy of three-quarters of a dollar. Don’t you think I’m worth more than that?!?

I understand you pay more for articles read by Medium Members than the outside world, Ev. And I guess my Taylor/Vanky discourse didn’t measure up in that regard.

Or, here’s another thought: Maybe you should fix your algorithm.

Honestly, Ev, you really need to get on it.

Thanks for reading, dude!

Brooke