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he problems, rather than actually attempt to solve them. Which is a real shame. People pay thousands of dollars for a licensed professional to help them with their problems.If you’re stuck at a job you don’t like then I hope this relates. I’ve been at the same job for over four years. I’m sick of it. Occasionally I look for new jobs. I won’t stick with it for more than a few weeks.Yes, I get disheartened by the lack of progress, but there’s a deeper reason why I won’t stick with it.You would think the solution is easy. Just keep searching. While it can be difficult to find new work, it shouldn’t be as hard as I’m making it to be.I never really asked myself why I’m making it so hard.I asked: why have I allowed myself to linger here for so long? Why haven’t I put in a real effort to move on?I avoided this question for quite a while, because I was afraid to dig up the real reason. The response I got from my subconscious was not good.Of course, we may feel ashamed or embarrassed of the real answer. So when it comes to feelings, we’re more likely to simply cope with them.Another common problem that many people share is loneliness. Usually the cause isn’t from being physically alone, but rather from a disconnection with ourselves.If you didn’t ask why, you might assume that it’s the due to the former. Without a deeper introspection, we could spend years seeking out a partner or friend just to fill a void that we could have done years ago.To handle feelings, I find it more helpful to ask why am I feeling this way? What was another example of when I felt this way before?If there’s a clear origin point, you can process that memory instead of merely coping with the symptoms.<h1 id="9d49">Why we’d rather ask what now — the reason that “How to” is so popular</h1>We already know there’s a lot of how to information online and in books. Maybe even too much.Why?For one, any person can hop online and write something about their personal experien

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ces. That’s great, but the information can be unverifiable, or perhaps even false.Another thing to remember is that all of our experiences are subjective, and what works for one person might not for another.So these kinds of articles:<ul><li>5 ways to cure anxiety</li><li>3 tips to solve procrastination</li><li>55 traits of a masculine man</li></ul>Are really just coping strategies. They’re easy to write, but don’t hold a lot of weight.Coping requires less effort than diving deep into our minds. We’re human, we’ll absolutely take whatever shortcut, easy way out, or minimalist approach if we can get away with it.Processing emotions takes a lot of energy, and it’s not pleasant. Often, the feelings are physically discomforting, and there have even been times where I’ve hesitated to do a session of inner work, because I know what it’s going to feel like.In addition to the discomfort, admitting and accepting our faults, opinions, beliefs, or thoughts seriously challenges our egos. The ego is kind of like a parasitic organism that will do anything to remain in the host.We get a short-term high from epiphanies from the latest How to be successful and happy article. We think that just one more will help us. It won’t.<h1 id="e801">Some “how to” on the “why”</h1>I sometimes like to think of our minds as a software program. Our entire existence is made up of lines of code that is constantly compiling.Sometimes the code is written incorrectly that will cause errors, or there are redundant lines of code that can slow down the system.In some cases it makes sense to just delete certain lines of code, or simplify it to make things run better.Our minds are like this. Delete some of the limiting beliefs, process feelings, and move on.Beliefs and thoughts can bog us down, and this is one of the reasons we cope and procrastinate.New information isn’t going to do anything for us other than clutter up or confuse our minds. Next time, ask why instead of what.</article></body>

Modern Society Has An Unhealthy Obsession With “How to” and “What now?”

Even with all of the advice, we’re still stuck in a rut

You can browse Medium for hours and come across thousands of articles on how to do something. Do a Google search of what to do….xyz and/or how to do…xyz and you won’t be left disappointed.

Yet with all of this information, we rarely ask why.

Why do our relationships fail?
Why are we feeling this way?
Why do I hate my job?

We’re constantly looking for advice on how to budget, get richer, or how to select the best course to study. You would think we would have followed the advice by now, but we haven’t.

How do we ask why? Why does why have so much more power?

A few examples of my life

Therapy can be a real benefit for a lot of people. I don’t mind it. Therapy has its place, but I don’t think it’s the solution to all of my problems. It helps me express my feelings.

Don’t get me started on couples therapy. The therapist my fiancé and I visited did not help us get to the real problems. Our problem was that we didn’t communicate our feelings.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until after our relationship failed.

Why didn’t we communicate?

I was afraid to truly express my needs in the relationship. I feared rejection. She was about the same way; she avoided confrontation whenever possible.

Instead of digging deep to the real problems, we were obligated to do surface-level tasks for each other. These were band-aid solutions. The temporary fixes didn’t help us to repair our relationship.

Part of the issue with some therapy is that it seeks to cope with the problems, rather than actually attempt to solve them. Which is a real shame. People pay thousands of dollars for a licensed professional to help them with their problems.

If you’re stuck at a job you don’t like then I hope this relates. I’ve been at the same job for over four years. I’m sick of it. Occasionally I look for new jobs. I won’t stick with it for more than a few weeks.

Yes, I get disheartened by the lack of progress, but there’s a deeper reason why I won’t stick with it.

You would think the solution is easy. Just keep searching. While it can be difficult to find new work, it shouldn’t be as hard as I’m making it to be.

I never really asked myself why I’m making it so hard.

I asked: why have I allowed myself to linger here for so long? Why haven’t I put in a real effort to move on?

I avoided this question for quite a while, because I was afraid to dig up the real reason. The response I got from my subconscious was not good.

Of course, we may feel ashamed or embarrassed of the real answer. So when it comes to feelings, we’re more likely to simply cope with them.

Another common problem that many people share is loneliness. Usually the cause isn’t from being physically alone, but rather from a disconnection with ourselves.

If you didn’t ask why, you might assume that it’s the due to the former. Without a deeper introspection, we could spend years seeking out a partner or friend just to fill a void that we could have done years ago.

To handle feelings, I find it more helpful to ask why am I feeling this way? What was another example of when I felt this way before?

If there’s a clear origin point, you can process that memory instead of merely coping with the symptoms.

Why we’d rather ask what now — the reason that “How to” is so popular

We already know there’s a lot of how to information online and in books. Maybe even too much.

Why?

For one, any person can hop online and write something about their personal experiences. That’s great, but the information can be unverifiable, or perhaps even false.

Another thing to remember is that all of our experiences are subjective, and what works for one person might not for another.

So these kinds of articles:

5 ways to cure anxiety
3 tips to solve procrastination
55 traits of a masculine man

Are really just coping strategies. They’re easy to write, but don’t hold a lot of weight.

Coping requires less effort than diving deep into our minds. We’re human, we’ll absolutely take whatever shortcut, easy way out, or minimalist approach if we can get away with it.

Processing emotions takes a lot of energy, and it’s not pleasant. Often, the feelings are physically discomforting, and there have even been times where I’ve hesitated to do a session of inner work, because I know what it’s going to feel like.

In addition to the discomfort, admitting and accepting our faults, opinions, beliefs, or thoughts seriously challenges our egos. The ego is kind of like a parasitic organism that will do anything to remain in the host.

We get a short-term high from epiphanies from the latest How to be successful and happy article. We think that just one more will help us. It won’t.

Some “how to” on the “why”

I sometimes like to think of our minds as a software program. Our entire existence is made up of lines of code that is constantly compiling.

Sometimes the code is written incorrectly that will cause errors, or there are redundant lines of code that can slow down the system.

In some cases it makes sense to just delete certain lines of code, or simplify it to make things run better.

Our minds are like this. Delete some of the limiting beliefs, process feelings, and move on.

Beliefs and thoughts can bog us down, and this is one of the reasons we cope and procrastinate.

New information isn’t going to do anything for us other than clutter up or confuse our minds. Next time, ask why instead of what.