Modern Guidelines

Summary

The web page is a satirical commentary on modern guidelines and societal norms, emphasizing the use of technology and the need for emotional detachment in various situations.

Abstract

The web page titled "Modern Guidelines" is a satirical piece that highlights the absurdity of modern norms and guidelines in a world heavily influenced by technology. The article begins with a plea to remain calm and not express emotions during difficult times. It then proceeds to provide tongue-in-cheek advice such as muting Zoom during a eulogy, maintaining physical distance, using an app to rate pain levels, and coping with long wait times and poor service. The piece concludes with a recommendation for an AI service and the author's contact information.

Bullet points

The article begins with a plea to remain calm and not express emotions during difficult times.
It advises muting Zoom during a eulogy, possibly referencing Emily Post's etiquette guidelines.
It suggests maintaining physical distance, alluding to the COVID-19 pandemic.
The article mentions using an app to rate pain levels while waiting to see a physician digitally.
It acknowledges the challenges of high call volumes and understaffing in service industries.
The piece humorously refers to listening to "grainy easy listening" music while one's life hangs in the balance.
The author provides their contact information and a recommendation for an AI service.

Please, PLEASE take note…

Please remain calm There’s absolutely nothing worse than feelings at a time like this

Please mute your Zoom while the priest delivers the eulogy; it’s outlined in Emily Post’s new eBook

Please stay a grave’s depth apart until it is safe to touch each other again when we can remove the masks that have grown into the skin of our faces

Please use this app to rate your feelings of pain one to ten while you wait to digitally see your physician

Please understand that we are experiencing high call volumes while being understaffed and under cared for ourselves

Please enjoy this fine selection of grainy easy listening while your life hangs on the line