Missing Zeal
The aftermath of a teenaged suicide
You’d be twenty-two today, Or do you stop aging, When life leaves your body? I don’t know.
But maybe not, As your age marks the days, Since we first met you On this earth.
You painted the world In your own special way And filled our world With swirls of color.
Now they paint Bright remembrances of you On old buildings, Long abandoned.
Who would you have been Had you chosen life, Chosen the love, Surrounding you?
I know it’s bigger than that, And defies logic, I try to understand. But I can’t.
We miss your face That is still so clear in pictures, There are never enough, though we took so many.
I see you skateboard in the clouds and smile as I cry.
He was my great-nephew, Kaelan. You’ll see his name in the palm of the hand of the picture above, the work of a local graffiti artist who I do not know. Or do I?
Kaelan was quite the character, independent way before he should have been. I understood that part of him, though I never had his courage to pursue my independence in quite the way he did.
He was dead by suicide at 17.
He was a graffiti artist himself, signing his with his moniker “Zeal”. From time to time different pieces of graffiti spring up around town featuring one of his names. I understand some of his own graffiti still can be found, though I haven’t seen it.
There seem to be more and more kids like Kaelan. Help for them is not always available and when it is, often only found because someone knows where to look. Those who work with these kids (and adults) are often fooled by their charm and their intelligence and their knowledge of what to say to avoid heading where they don’t want to go. Sometimes those who notice are powerless to get them the help they need.
Because kids like Kaelan do not get help for their mental health issues, they often try to self-medicate. It leads to disaster and is one of the reasons our prisons and jails remain full.
What would our world be like if we dedicated ample money to mental health and substance abuse care, both in and out of our prison and jail system? What if there were more people actively available to help identify these kids and help parents, often also victims of their charm and deceit?
The American Foundation For Suicide Prevention has great information for those who are fighting this issue. They do good things to help, such as providing and leading people to resources, sponsoring grants for suicide research, and offering training for advocates.
Hugs to families who remember the lost souls as we do. Hope to those who are trying to get help for themselves or loved ones. Never give up. Thanks to you all of you who work to make a change in our world.