“Mirror, Mirror. Our Need to See and Be Seen”

I recently wrote a piece about my encounter with a homeless man and my observation that he wanted more than money; in fact, he never asked me for money. What he wanted was to be seen, to be looked at as a person that matters.

One of my faithful readers, Candy Kennedy (who is also an excellent writer), left me this comment:

“Serving at a choice food pantry weekly, I have learned to make eye contact, speak graciously and courteously, and find commonality with people. Many people who are homeless struggle with mental health issues and feel like outcasts. We call them ‘the unseen.’”

Candy’s comment got me thinking that there are times when we all feel unseen, like when:

We pay for something at a store, and the cashier never makes eye contact with us.

We get on an elevator with another person, say hello, and the person never acknowledges us.

We pass someone on the street, try to make eye contact to say hello, and they look the other way or keep looking down.

Granted, there are occasions when I don’t want to feel seen, but many times I do, and it seems like just about everyone I come in contact with that day doesn’t even know I’m there (or want to acknowledge that I’m there).

I think a perfect example of people who feel unseen are celebrities, such as actors, musicians, and athletes. Many famous individuals have spoken in interviews about turning to alcohol or drugs because they felt extremely lonely and unseen, even though people recognized and approached them.

They didn’t feel like they were seen as the unique person they truly were but only as their public persona.

Let’s face it — we all feel unseen at times.

Though I sometimes gripe about some of the writing on Medium, I do get a glimpse at the writer and let them know I see them by making a comment and clapping.

Every writer here on Medium wants to be seen, including me. Medium is a unique platform where we can truly express how we feel.

The golden rule states, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If we want to be seen more, we need to see others more. Not everyone will look back at us, but enough will to make it worthwhile.

In fact, if we can make just one person a day feel seen…we’ve done something extraordinary.

If you want to reach out to me, feel free. I want to see you.