Mindfulness, What Is It in Plain English?

And why should you want more of it

I had my usual Sunday Skype call with my friends in the UK when I realized that my silicone earbud case was missing. I immediately knew that the most likely culprit was my Labrador puppy, Branston.

I went looking for him, knowing full well that if I strayed too far from my wifi router, the Skype call would drop. I worried that I only had a matter of seconds before my favorite earbud case would be in shreds. I put the phone on mute so that I could ask my husband to help with the chase.

My friends noticed that something was happening, and they asked, “Are you still there?”

“Oh yes, sorry, I had to mute the phone for a moment,” I replied.

As they continued to tell me the story about burying their dead cat, I went to the office window to have a look outside. Sure enough, there was Branston, making off with my earbud case in his mouth. Oh no!

I managed to get the gist of the story about the cat, but I hadn’t been “present” during that conversation.

Before you think that I was heartless and uncaring about their poor cat, let me add that the cat had died 20 years ago. My friends told the story as a humorous example of something their neighbor had done.

Why didn’t I stop the conversation and tell them that I had a “situation” to deal with at home? Who knows? Hindsight is a wonderful thing! I was embarrassed because it was the 5th canine-related interruption we’d already had during our short call.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I’m not naturally very mindful. I have to work very hard at it. This article will give you my take on what mindfulness is, why you should want more of it and how you can achieve that.

Mindfulness, What Is It?

The father of modern mindfulness, Jon Kabat Zinn, defined it as:

“Paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.”

I wanted to give you the “official definition,” but what this means is:

• Don’t run on autopilot, and
• Don’t multitask.

In other words, pay full attention to what you’re doing and focus on one thing at a time.

There’s a more formal practice of mindfulness meditation. But, in this article, I’d like to focus on the informal way of being mindful in your everyday life.

If You Run On Autopilot, Life Will Pass You By

Autopilot is necessary for you to function at your best. If you consciously had to think about every little task you do every day, it would overload your brain.

Remember when you learned how to drive a car? There was so much to take on board. I practiced on a stick shift, so I needed to do a million things at once, and there was a lot to remember. I had to:

• engage the clutch
• change gears
• let the clutch out
• give some gas
• try not to stall the car
• watch the traffic
• signal
• brake.

Then “autopilot” kicked in, and I didn’t have to devote as much mental energy to driving every time I got in the car. Now I get behind the wheel and automatically do all those things. Most times, I’m not even consciously aware of “driving.” It’s something that just happens.

You do many things on autopilot every day, such as:

• tying your shoes
• brushing your teeth
• bathing, or showering.

If you didn’t, you’d be mentally exhausted before you even got dressed in the morning.

You’re not usually aware of what you’re doing when you run on autopilot. You may not even remember those tasks. So the more you do on autopilot, the more that life will pass you by.

When I’m Mindful, It Feels Like I’m On Vacation

Then there are those situations where you’re very alert with heightened awareness. One of those times for me is when I’m on vacation. Have you ever been away for a week, and when you return, you feel like you did so much in that limited time? You lived life. You experienced new things. You had fun. Why?

In that unfamiliar environment, you didn’t have as much on your mind. And you weren’t running on autopilot. You were doing and seeing new things every day. You were “mindful,” and because of that, you experienced more of life.

When learning about mindfulness, most people come across the “raisin exercise.” You focus on the raisin and use all your senses to notice everything about it. You look at it, touch it, smell it, squeeze it, listen to it — before putting it into your mouth. Then you chew it and notice how the texture changes as you chew. You become aware of the intention to swallow it.

Most people don’t eat mindfully. If you’re like me, you put the food in your mouth without paying attention to the act of eating. You eat on autopilot while you multitask:

• look at your phone
• think about what you still need to do that day
• read a book, magazine, or social media
• watch television
• have a conversation with someone over dinner.

It’s such a shame that you’re not consciously enjoying the food you’re putting into your mouth.

When you focus on eating a raisin, you take a mundane experience and make it enjoyable and memorable. It’s like the experience of being on vacation.

Multitasking Is Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

We’ve all heard that women are better at multitasking than men. I don’t know if that’s true, but as a woman, I was proud of the fact that I was good at multitasking.

But, you’re usually not doing any of those tasks to the best of your ability when you multitask. They’re also taking you longer.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea of “being in the zone” or in a “flow state.” Athletes strive for this all the time. Psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, describes “flow” as a mental state. He says it occurs when we’re:

“so immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of activity that we lose the sense of space and time.”

It follows that this can only happen if you’re focused on one thing. You’ll never enter this magical space of “being in the zone” if you’re multitasking. Multitasking is completely over-rated!

Single-tasking enables you to stay focussed, get things done and gain confidence. It helps you stay motivated and progress towards your goal. It enables you to be the most productive and creative.

You’re Going To Fail At Mindfulness

I tried mindfulness meditation, but I couldn’t do it. It was very frustrating. I hate when I can’t master something! I could NOT clear my mind of all its thinking and focus on my breathing, no matter how hard I tried. What was wrong with me?

I didn’t know that it’s IMPOSSIBLE (for most of us mere mortals). We can’t quiet our minds or keep our attention focussed on the present moment.

Mindfulness is about noticing that your mind has drifted (which it WILL). When it does, bring your attention back to the present moment.

Chade-Meng Tan uses the analogy of riding a bike in his book, Search Inside Yourself. Keeping your balance is a series of micro-shifts. When you tilt to the right, you have to shift to the left to maintain your balance. If you overcompensate, you need to lean in the opposite direction to regain your balance.

Mindfulness is a similar thing. When your mind wanders, you bring it back to the present moment like a micro-shift. And your mind WILL wander. When it does, that’s okay! You haven’t failed. You’re human.

Does Mindfulness Make You Happy?

The answer is “yes.” You can only be happy NOW.

The mind can only ever be in three places — the past, the present, or the future.

If you’re thinking about the past, you have to go off in your mind and remember. The past is history — you can’t change it, and you can’t bring it back. You are off in your own little world.

If you’re thinking about the future, you have to go off in your mind and plan/speculate/expect/worry. There is no way that you can predict the future. Once again, you’re off in your own little world.

If you remember a pleasant experience in the past or look forward to an event in the future, this may make you happy. But in both cases, you’re off in the depths of your mind. You’re not aware of the present moment. You could even be missing a happy moment NOW because your mind is elsewhere.

All those happy moments in your past happened in the present moment at that time. Any happy moments in the future will also occur in the present moment when they arrive.

Practical Takeaway and Closing Thoughts

My husband was finally able to pry my earbud case out of the jaws of our puppy. I got it back unscathed. But I missed the chance to really connect with my friends and listen to their stories. I’ll get another opportunity to be more present with them during our call next Sunday.

You might have to remind yourself to be mindful throughout the day until it becomes your new habit. You can do this in several ways:

• Commit to being mindful during specific activities such as eating. Start with one situation and then add another once you’ve mastered the first.
• My preferred method is to set a mindfulness alarm or reminder. When the alarm sounds, it will remind you to be mindful of whatever you’re doing at that moment. There are mindfulness apps for your smartphone or watch that you can use for this purpose.

When you’re in the present moment:

• your mind quiets
• your thinking slows
• you experience more of life
• you create more memories
• you feel happier.

The more mindful you are, the more it’s like being on vacation all the time. You’ll be packing more treasured memories into this very brief life that we’re gifted!