Millie Bobby Brown’s Plea for Privacy Highlights a Real Problem

Some of us are even meaner than I thought.

I’m one of those weirdos who never got into Stranger Things on Netflix, so, I’m also never quite sure who folks are talking about whenever they say Millie Bobby Brown. I hear her name a lot, sure, but let’s face it. I was born in the 80s and I’m a little out of touch with up-and-coming celebrities.

Yet, since I do hear her name so often, I clicked on a Facebook post about her out of curiosity. The post linked to this article, detailing how the actress recently said no to a fan who asked to film her while she was out shopping with her mom.

Millie told the fan no, that she didn’t want to be filmed. And that should have been the end of it. However, the fan didn’t take no for an answer and filmed the young star — did I mention she’s 16? — despite repeat protests.

She was understandably upset about the interaction and took to Instagram, saying she wished people would be more respectful. Millie also cried in the now-deleted video as she tried to make her point.

Per Millie: “I was paying and she walked past me and began to video me again. And I said, ‘I’m a human being. Like, what more can I ask from you?’

“She said, ‘So I can’t take a video of a human being?’ And I said, ‘No, not when I said no.’ It just makes me upset when people try to push the boundary, and I just wish people were more respectful.

“You have to show more respect for others, no matter who they are, what they do. It’s just manners.”

It takes an incredibly selfish person to film a stranger in public when that stranger tells them to stop. I thought that much was obvious. But apparently not. Once again, I made a mistake by reading the comments as they came in, and I was shocked to see that many people think the actress was being a bitch.

It was amazing, really. I watched in real-time as strangers on the internet suggested that she grow up, get thicker skin, or quit being famous if she didn’t like it.

One man wrote, “I mean, that notoriety pay the bills and has to be expected, even for a 16 year old. It’s surely rude and very uncomfortable, I imagine, but it’s not illegal to film someone in public nor is it to be rude or uncomfortable.

“That’s life.”

He closed his comment with a male ‘whatever’ face emoji.

One woman responded to say, “It’s a side effect of being famous and one of the most privileged people in the world. If you don’t want attention from the public, don’t set out to become a famous actor. There are people out there with real problems, especially right now.”

Over and over, people seemed to lean into the “first-world problems” response. As if Millie’s upset isn’t real or valid just because she’s on TV.

I could hardly believe how many people came into the comments section just to drag the kid.

“What a cry baby lmfao. Welcome to life young lady.”

“That’s part of the insanely paid job!”

“Soft times breed soft people.”

“Actors get paid bank because they no longer have privacy.”

“Price of fame, she best toughen up. It’s not going to get any easier.”

“Primadonna you can’t have it both ways.”

“If you don’t want to be bothered. Don’t be famous! Simple as that! You and your family choose this life and these are some of the not so pretty parts of being famous.”

“They lose their right to privacy in public just like we ALL do. Not even cops can force you to stop recording. Theres no expectation to privacy in a public place and you WANTED to be famous. Next.”

To me, the most disturbing part of the comments is that these are coming from Facebook users who appear to be adults. Many of them seem to have children of their own. Would they really feel the same about the situation if we were talking about their 16-year-old?

As far as personality types go, I’m an INFP. We’re called the “healer-idealists” and we tend to care a great deal about things like justice. And we care a great deal about people, but, we often suck at relationships. Typical INFPs don’t have a lot of friends — partly because we care more about quality over quantity, and partly because we’re so hard on ourselves… and occasionally, the people we love.

Yet the one thing we’re really good at in relationships is seeing both sides. We’re the people who frequently see the world the way it could be, instead of how it really is.

Or how it should be.

Seeing both sides of most stories is something of a blessing and a curse. It can turn us into real wafflers. People who can’t make a decision because we’re stuck in conflicting ideas.

We’re also prone to sadness because we’re so busy watching everything, feeling everything, perceiving everything, and then thinking about it. We never really stop thinking, and for whatever reason, this whole Millie Bobby Brown situation has my INFP emotional brain working overtime. This is one of the very few times where I can't see the other side at all.

It's driving me nuts.

Is this really where we’re at as a society? Where we enjoy the labors of actors like MBB but begrudge them the smallest bit of autonomy? The mere thought feels so transactional and ugly. I can’t help but feel that it puts us, the consumers, in this terribly abusive seat of power. As if choosing to be an actor means selling your entire person and leaving nothing left for yourself.

I don’t have the right words for how disgusting that idea feels to me. My own daughter is 6 years old and she already dreams about being famous for singing or acting. I’d like to think this is the sort of world where she could actually pursue her dreams when she’s older, but I just… implode at the notion of that meaning she would no longer have an ounce of autonomy.

On a much, much smaller scale, I sort of get where Millie is coming from and I feel some of the vitriol lobbed her way. As an online writer, and one who’s known for being especially vulnerable, I have frequently heard cruel or nasty comments backed up with the excuse that I should have known what I was getting myself into.

Yet every time people tell me that putting myself “out there” online means accepting any and all ridicule or invasions of privacy, I think that they don’t really understand what they’re saying.

We are looking at an extraordinarily gross future if we as a society cannot expect more from ourselves. It’s frightening to think that we might only get worse.

Because let’s consider the ramifications. Say we keep going down this path where more and more people believe that making money as a creative — whether you’re an actor, writer, musician, etc — means selling your autonomy and privacy.

Where we just tell all artists and performers, “You’re making enough money. Deal with it.” What we’re really saying is that they deserve the abuse. That they asked for it. And if they don’t like it?

Well, they can get another job.

There is a world of problems with this mentality. For one thing, it’s an unhealthy outlook for anyone. And it places impossible demands upon the people whom we expect to entertain, amuse, or inform us.

Eventually, though, it carries out to everyone. Don’t speak up if you don’t want to be laughed at. Don’t speak up if you care about getting hate mail or death threats. Any issue can be called a “first-world problem,” as long as someone finds your troubles good for a laugh.

As long as people feel discouraged from speaking up for their personal boundaries, our culture will increasingly be shaped by the loudest voices, thickest skins, and least empathetic hearts.

So, when I consider the sort of world we are all building, I can’t help but think we’re spinning downward fast. Our social media interactions have gotten so ugly, people are lobbing insults at a child for having the “audacity” to draw up personal boundaries.

Does anyone really understand how ridiculous that is? I feel the same sort of frustration when people bad mouth me for not replying to comments or building my life around the attention certain readers want from me. For the sake of my sanity, and for the sake of my daughter, I never even try to make everybody happy. And in the same vein, I applaud Millie for trying to enforce her own boundaries at such a young age.

Personally, I wish I’d understood boundaries a long time ago.

As it turns out, Millie deleted her popular TikTok account around the same time that she opened up about the fan who recorded her against her expressed wishes. I don’t blame her. There’s a ton of pressure on creatives to make themselves available and relevant on every social media platform, but that’s a lot to ask of anyone.

Especially a child.

Just two years earlier, Millie deleted Twitter after being cyberbullied, and grown adults had the nerve to say they think she was just getting a big head from her fame.

Um, she was just 14 when Twitter was trending with fake stories about her and the hashtag takedownmilliebobbybrown. I know plenty of adults who wouldn’t be able to handle the same treatment — including me.

If you Google “Millie Bobby Brown criticism,” a whole host of stories pop up where the young actor has found herself fighting backlash for not acting the way the internet wants.

On the one hand, people frequently complain that she looks “too grown up,” which is good for a laugh considering how other young stars like Jojo Siwa have been bullied for looking too childish. Meanwhile, Millie has had to slam those who routinely sexualize her image.

What is wrong with adults that they’re so critical of a 16-year-old who’s had to grow up on-screen for the past seven years? Is it jealousy? Are they truly so naive to think money solves everyone’s problems?

Whatever it is, this meanness isn’t doing anything good for anyone.

You may like it or not, but entertainers and artists are not there to give you their lives. That’s just not how it works but if it were to become mainstream… it would be a travesty.

We need voices of all kinds. We need people who speak up to promote kindness and grace.

As much as internet bullies like to laugh at the vulnerable voices, and those who open up to admit that some of the criticism or ridiculous expectations hurt, these voices matter. Vulnerability is a strength, and through it, we get to remind the world just how important our mental health really is. There’s nothing wrong with anyone asking a stranger to quit filming them — regardless of their career choice. Being in the spotlight doesn’t mean you’re public property.

When I went back to link in Millie’s Instagram post, I was sad to see that she’d taken it down. But again, I get it. She showed so-called “weakness” on the internet, and people were quick to call her out as if she’d done something wrong.

It’s tragic because someone out there is going to see her experience and internalize it for themselves. Someone, and perhaps several someones, will take her story to heart and decide that they shouldn’t be brave because the world is too damn cruel.

And I hate that.

God, I hate how loud the negative voices get on the internet. It’s awful and paralyzing for far too many people.

In this case? This is the kid people think is a too-soft primadonna who supposedly thinks she’s so much better than everybody else just because she dared request personal space:

Come on, people. In this, “the happiest of seasons,” can’t we let a kid grow up without demanding she perform like a robot for our viewing pleasure?

If we can’t do that, just imagine what sort of world will this be.

It’s not pretty.